Archives for January 2013

Alpha Chick: Sallie Felton – Her Story of Transformation

Sallie Felton

Salle Felton – As featured on ABC, CBS, NBC and FOX News affiliates across the country, Sallie Felton, President of Sallie Felton LLC is a professional life coach, international radio talk show host, #1 best selling author, facilitator, international speaker, former hypnotherapist and deep imagery therapist. Her unique approach, which is equal parts honesty, playfulness and genuine compassion, is what’s earned Sallie accolades from clients, colleagues and radio show guests alike. As she says, “this is a process so let’s start where you stand, right now, right here. What do you want? How will you achieve it? And most importantly, when are you going to start? If not Now, WHEN. Learn more at www.salliefeltonlifecoach.com

We all experience life challenges that looking back we can see were the catalyst for living a deeper, more authentic life. What has been your greatest personal challenge that you’ve overcome that served as your pivot point to transformation?

I remember this well, the honeymoon was over. It was in 1974, three months after Conway and I married something different was occurring, something I had not seen in all the 4 years we had been dating. (Let me preface by saying in the early ‘70’s (or pre-historic times as our children would say) many couples were just beginning to “live together” before marriage. Conway and I talked about it, but decided it would put more strain on our parents than not).

How had I missed this? I would arrive home from work and Conway would follow on the next train out of Boston. Upon arriving home, without a hug or a kiss “hello”, he would get out of his business suit, put on more comfortable clothes and go to bed! What was going on? My mind was spinning, “What did I do to cause him to ignore me?”, “Was I this bad at being a wife?” or “Does he regret being married?” I felt alone and walking on eggshells.

Dawning the proverbial “happy face”, from which I mastered from my mother, I tried to cheer him up, tried to be upbeat and positive. This proved to be exhausting not for him, but depleted me. His quietness, lack of energy, lack of appetite, restless sleeping and solitude was becoming an everyday occurrence. He would make an issue out of the simplest of things. What was going on? This was not the same man I fell in love with 4 years ago? What did I do?

Do you know he used to call me “sunshine” and had it engraved in my wedding ring, but I felt like “dark clouds”? Who was I? I used to be so happy, so full of energy, so upbeat…now I felt alone, lonely, uneasy and walking a thin line. I would do everything and anything to keep status quo. I had a pit in my stomach day in and day out. I remember when someone would ask me, “How is married life?” I would “happily” lie responding, “It is great!” Who would want to hear my story? It surely had to be all my fault.

I did the best I could for the next four years. He would go in and out of his “moods”. Some months were better than others. I guess I got used to the pattern and accepted this was the way my marriage was going to be…I had heard other peoples’ marriages had hard times. I remember going to speak to his parents and asking if they had seen this behavior. Without skipping a beat his mother said, “Oh yes, he is just like his father and his grandfather, just like my father as well. You will get used to it. It is just the way they are. Don’t worry about it.” However, I confided much more in my primary care physician as to how Conway’s behavior was taking a toll on me. I would have sought counsel from my sisters, however, each of them were going through their own transitions…i.e. separations or divorces and I did not want to be influenced or “sucked in”. Remember misery loves company? I did not need to be drinking the same water. My married life was feeling more empty than full. So what then? What was the tipping point? It was not until the end of 1980 that I woke up.

Describe the transformational moment or wake-up call when you realized that life change was necessary? For many, it’s a spiritual awakening, an emotional downfall, or a life-altering experience that shakes us awake.

It was not until the end of 1980 that I woke up. Our first son’s birth was on October 23, 1980. I had had a miscarriage the year before so needless to say we were over the top with elation. Corey’s birth brought such joy into our household. There were of course the transitions which go along with being a first time parent: the changing diapers 12 times a day, your days are never your own, you are the last on the totem pole to be fed and sleep was a word that just appears in the dictionary.
Although Conway did his fair share of parenting, I was still feeling “on alert” as I never knew what mood he would be in at any given time. His weekends were filled with playing tennis tournaments or in the summer, he and his brother would race the sailboat. We were seldom together or as a family. One thing people don’t realize is when a person is depressed they are surgeons in disguise. They have an innate ability to mask this disease from others outside his/her immediate family. Case in point, his sister and brother thought he was “just fine”; “Seems ok to me.” It made me think I was going crazy, was I imagining this? Why could I see it so clearly and no one else saw it? Their response was, “He is always quiet, and he’s just in one of those moods.” Ah, yes, “one of those moods”. You mean the moods which would go on for days, weeks, months and years? Those moods?!
There were days when he would barely play with Corey or talk to me when he came home from work. Our conversations would be at best five words, then the sports channel turned on or he was engrossed in a book. Intimacy went out the window and I felt neglected (of which I took on personally). I wanted to be with a man who wanted to be with me, to share all the ups and downs, to be there to support, nurture and comfort me and TO ALLOW me to do the same for him! How much more could I take of this? The tipping point for me was walking by the garage door and being grazed by a wooden tennis racket cover coming straight for my head. I ducked. I realize I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, he was not aiming for me, he was furious about something. But what if this was Corey walking by the garage? Something had to give. This was not ok, anymore.
I was scarred. I spoke to Conway and said I was going to make an appointment to see a therapist for myself. I needed to understand what I could do to “survive” this relationship or whether I wanted to stay in it. Notice the word, SURVIVE …that’s how I felt. Each day seemed like a fog, I just never knew when it would lift. One thing was for sure, I did not want to raise a child in this environment. I was scared, scared to think I would be on my own with a toddler and feeling guilty at not “making this work” with Conway. (30 plus years ago there was a stigma of people who were divorced (“something was wrong with them” and I certainly knew this was what my parents felt). Guilt if I left, guilt of not being myself if I stayed.

After experiencing your personal wake-up call what were the most powerful steps you took to change your life?

I saw a female therapist once a week for months. She asked me point blank, “At what age did you lose your voice?” I was bewildered, what did she mean, I could speak clearly. What she meant was, at what age did you allow your power, the power of your voice to be taken away from you? I felt as if I was hit with a 2 by 4 piece of wood over the head. I remembered it well. I grew up with four other sisters, I was number 4 in the pecking order. All through my childhood I remember being characterized as the “emotional one, the drama queen, Sallie’s over reacting, she’ll settle down”. So what did I learn…to be silent because no one was listening anyway!! I could not get anyone’s attention. Therefore, I learned early on to devalue my thoughts, trust my inner negative critic that it was always right, never share my opinions (no one took me seriously) and never ever stand out. (It is no wonder I connect with animals and nature, they heard my every secret and knew my soul) My self-confidence was at an all time low, but on the flip side it was on a high when it came to my business, The Rocking Horse. Why…because I could take myself out of the home environment and be creative designing outerwear. I was away from the negativity. Sounds like an oxy moron does it?

On one occasion Conway was invited to join and the subject of being depressed, separation and or divorce was asked of him. We had talked at length about it and he was not opposed to seek help; he too was tired of feeling “off”. This made all the difference for me; if I knew he was willing to look at our relationship and make the effort to work on himself, I would support him and us. We learned of a wonderful psychiatrist who was still taking on new patients. Now let me say, this was 30 some years ago and much has changed. Back then Conway would try a med, wait 6weeks for it to show some signs of working and if not, he would have to endure weaning off of it for another 6 weeks. It was hit or miss. That was the tough part for all of us. By taking the time to work on myself and changing the dance of our relationship, Conway chose to follow in step.

How did I empower myself?
1. I learned to work on boosting my self-esteem…one word at a time.
2. I OWNed that part of me which loved to draw (took courses at the Community College),
3. I succeeded in becoming quite a competitive tennis player (obtaining a top ranking in New England: (#1) mixed, (#1) doubles and (#2) singles),
4. I expanded my business (did more Expos),
5. I set my boundaries. I learned to say “No” and said “Yes” to those things which I truly wanted to do and not what I should be doing. For the first time in my life I began to “push” back without the fear of being hurt, rejected or judged.
6. I spoke honestly with my husband as to what I needed out of our relationship: needed him to step up and be present with the children, support me and my efforts/projects; need more time with him (date nights) and spend quality time with the family on weekends.
7. I learned being perfect is only in the eyes of the beholder…good is good enough.

Please share a Positive Mental Shift tip that woman can implement today to support them on their journey of transformation and empowerment.

If I were to relive my last 39 years of marriage (and yes, we are still very much married, J) I would impart these tips for any woman to implement today. First and foremost, never compromise your values or beliefs by giving away your voice. Being true to yourself is priceless! Here is an exercise you can do now:

1. Write down all your strengths which you believe you have: not “I am good at playing tennis, playing the piano (these are action items….” I mean, “I am a good listener, I am a compassionate person, I am a forgiving person”…etc…(we want to know WHO you are and what type of a person you are)

2. Here are some examples of character strengths/values: Appreciation of beauty , Citizenship, Curiosity, Fairness, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Hope, Humility, Humor/Playfulness, Ingenuity, Integrity, Judgment, Kindness and Generosity, Leadership, Love of Learning, Loving, Perseverance, Perspective, Prudence, Self-Control, Social Intelligence, Spirituality, Valor, Zest

3. Take the VIA (values in action) survey on the below link //www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx then click on the below: VIA Survey of Character Strengths Measures 24 Character Strengths.

4. This test is about all the strengths/values you use ON A DAILY BASIS. The top 5 are the ones you use the MOST each day.When I first took this test (and I dated it) I was amazed at what showed for my top three strengths/values: Kindness and Generosity, Honesty and Fairness, Humor/Playfulness. But when I looked at all the rest, it made sense…I don’t use others the same way as I do the top 10.

Here are my top three:
– Kindness and generosity. This is what I am made of…I go above and beyond for people. So sharing my knowledge is easy for me to do. But sometimes I have away the “cow”.
– Honesty/Fairness. I did not realize that honesty was an equally high strength/value of mine which I used daily. It made me realize that truth and being authentic, SPEAKING MY VOICE, is a must for my existence. It is in my soul, in my heart.
– Humor/Playfulness. All my life I have been a prankster, I guess I got this “gene” from my father…and one I foster in our own children. There are times when my humor/playfulness gets the best of me, but it’s part of me and I cherish it.
5. Write down what you learned about yourself! Now you have taken the first step, BRAVO!!

HEAR her powerful story of transformation on the
Positive Mental Shift FREE teleseries and CLAIM HER FREE GIFT!

Alpha Chick: Linda Joy – Her Story of Transformation

Linda Joy is on a mission. A mission fueled by the lessons learned and the wisdom and insights gained on her transformational twenty two year journey from single welfare mom to heart-centered visionary and inspirational catalyst. As publisher of Aspire Magazine – the premiere inspirational magazine for women and host of the Inspired Living Secrets teleseries, Ms. Joy’s passion permeates all of her inspirational multi-media brands – each dedicated to supporting and empowering women with a Universal message of hope, love and self-empowerment. She’s a passionate believer that there are no failures in life — only lessons to be learned and shared. Learn more at www.Linda-Joy.com

I would have to say that my greatest personal challenge has been learning to love and accept myself for who I am and to fully embrace all the experiences in my life as ‘seeds to growth.’ The past twenty-plus years have taken me on an amazing journey of self-discovery. I’ve moved through a rainbow variety of life experiences, some of which have filled me with intense joy and gratitude, and others which have sucked me into the deepest depths of self-doubt, pain, and despair. Like many on the path of self-actualization, I have fallen—and yet, somehow, each time I have found that core of inner strength which helped me to struggle to my feet, brush myself off, and move on. In hindsight, I can see that what I previously perceived as my biggest screw-ups have in fact been my truest and best lessons.

On the first leg of my journey, during which I went from high school dropout and runaway to single twenty-two year old welfare mom—oh, and let’s not forget financial misfit—I subconsciously labeled myself a failure. My mom dubbed me “the Queen of Self-Sabotage.” When friends and family would ask me when I was going to do something with my life, I was prepared with a long list of reasons (which I now see were just excuses) why I didn’t and couldn’t and wouldn’t have a chance at a life like that. I had spent so long viewing my life through a lens of shame and self-degradation that by the time I turned twenty-six I had already labeled myself a failure, and turned my back on the dream of a better life.

Not a great way to view life especially when at that time you are a single mom of a beautiful six year old little girl. At that time I just couldn’t seem to release the shackles of shame, self-degradation and pain that kept me from moving forward in a positive direction.

Until a spring day in 1991…

My awakening happened while sitting in my car one spring day in 1991 as I wrote about in the introduction of A Juicy, Joyful Life. I was close to giving up on life – on living. I was going through one of the most painful, enraging, and transformative periods of my life. Long-buried childhood traumas were resurfacing, haunting me like restless ghosts. I felt like I was splitting open, ripped apart by the intensity of my emotions. I was terrified that I would never know who I was meant to be, because I was always going to be trapped in this vicious cycle of pain and anger, pain and anger. I was a single mom with a beautiful six-year-old daughter, and this pain was preventing me from being completely present for her. Not only was I failing myself, now; I was failing her. The torment was unbearable.

That day I raged at the ‘powers that be’. Twenty-nine years of anguish and shame came pouring out of me as I shook my fists at the Heavens. At the end I was completely spent – emotionally and spiritually drained. It was as if a huge reservoir of pain had been drained out of my heart, leaving an empty, gaping hole in its place. What happened next transformed the trajectory of my life and healed my heart.

Everything became very still. The breeze stopped. I could no longer hear the sound of lawnmowers in the distance, or the rustle of leaves overhead. I could feel my heart beating, and the way my breath hitched in my chest, but I was somehow beyond those things, as well. I basked in a deep, encompassing peace, a perfect stillness like I’d never experienced before.

And then, I heard it: the stern but also gentle and loving whisper which would transform my life, heal my heart, and allow me to begin to dance with my authentic self for the first time.

The voice said, “The experiences of your childhood do not erase the core of who you are. You have been here all along, but you have chosen not to see yourself. Instead, you’ve focused on the pain. You hold the power to become, at any time, whatever you desire to be. You can choose to live in the past, with all your pain and anger, or you can choose to be the bright, beautiful person at the core of who you are, right now. So, what will you choose?”
Epiphany! Suddenly, my heart was filled with pure hope—a feeling I hadn‘t experienced in a long, long time. The wisdom I heard that day seemed so simple, so straightforward, and my heart resonated with truth of it. I think the voice only reminded me of what I’d known, deep down, all along. I had a choice about my life, my feelings, and the ache in my heart.

So what did I want for myself? Who would I choose to be, if I was no longer a victimized child, a woman in pain?

My journey to discovering the answers to those questions began that day and continues to this very day!

After experiencing your personal wake-up call what were the most powerful steps you took to change your life?

That pivotal moment became the catalyst for me to take back my life and launch my quest to reclaim my authentic self. From that day forth, I spent every spare moment reading inspirational books from leading spiritual visionaries like Norman Vincent Peale, Florence Scovel Shinn, Napoleon Hill, and I dedicated myself to living from the inside out, using my mind and heart to continually transform my life.

As the years unfolded, I added to my transformational toolkit, soaking up the wisdom of teachers like Marianne Williamson, Debbie Ford, and Cheryl Richardson, to name a few. I dedicated myself to healing the cracked lens through which I viewed my life, so that I could create a better future for myself and my six-year old daughter.

The written word became and continues to be both my solace and my impetus for change. The wisdom contained within the books I chose seemed to come to me just when I needed it most. Whether it was a word, a sentence, or a paragraph, each message that leaped off the pages at me was exactly what I needed to hear at that time, and gave me the fuel to move forward.

In many media interviews over the years I’ve been asked how I have continuously stepped through my fears and out of my comfort zone to transform my personal, professional, and spiritual life. I can’t offer any direct advice; I can only share my truth and what’s worked for me. To move forward, I had to accept that change and transformation in our lives have the power to grip us in paralyzing fear—but only if we focus on the fear. When I shifted my focus away from the fear, I discovered that no matter how difficult the road ahead might look, the thought of not living authentically and following my soul’s purpose was far more frightening than the thought of moving forward.

Please share a Positive Mental Shift tip that woman can implement today to support them on their journey of transformation and empowerment.

If I have to choose just one Positive Mental Shift Tip to share with your audience I would have to choose one that has truly empowered me on my journey…

Consistently take baby-steps each day toward the vision you hold for your life. Whether it’s as simple as reading a passage from an inspiring book, joining an online community such as this one for support and wisdom or taking an online workshop – each step you take toward your vision empowers and inspires you to take the next one. You won’t always see the full staircase but you will always see the next step – take it!

I’d like to leave you with a personal message…
“The world is filled with amazing, visionary women who have walked the path ahead of you and are now shining their light to illuminate the path for you just as someone did for them. You are not alone – there is a global community of heart-centered women cheering for you and holding a place for you so that one day you will illuminate the path for another. ”

HEAR her powerful story of transformation on the
Positive Mental Shift FREE teleseries and CLAIM HER FREE GIFT!

Positive Mental Shift Telesummit Feb 5th – March 14th

A new year is here!

Are you ready to start living your life with passion and purpose?

It is possible – no matter what your life circumstances look like at this moment. As part of the global Alpha Chick family you know how passionate I am about empowering, inspiring and supporting women in awakening and claiming the power within. The Alpha Chick vision is of a world where women discover and embrace their authentic voice and live a life filled with self-love, joy and abundance. It is possible!

It is with that vision that I invite you to join me and 12 inspiring women for the free six week Positive Mental Shift: Living a Life of Passion and Purpose teleseries launching on February 5^th, 2013.We’ve all heard stories of women who have overcome seemingly impossible obstacles and transformed their lives and wondered how they did it! Well, wonder no more!I’ve invited 12 inspiring women – from best-selling authors to leading transformational coaches – to join me in a series of very intimate, heart-to-heart conversations. Women who have bravely agreed to share their personal (and sometimes painful) stories of awakening and personal transformation. No holds barred. Meet all my Inspiring Guests >>//bit.ly/positiveshift

I am honored to bring you the stories and wisdom of these 12 inspiring women who have awakened to their inner truth and are joining me with the collective intent to empower YOUto believe in the power of possibility.

Women just like you who have discovered the tools and inner strength to overcome self-defeating thoughts and habits & obstacles to live a life of passion & purpose. Each woman knows first-hand what it takes to move forward, break through life’s roadblocks and release the self-doubt that once held her back.

Our collective vision is that every woman awakens to the truth of who she is and boldly, bravely lives a life of passion and purpose.

REGISTER TODAY > >>//bit.ly/positiveshift

I’m honored to be your guide throughout this transformational six week series launching on Tuesday February 5^th. Your FREE registration includes access to all the live calls as well as thereplay links and 12 free transformational gifts from my guests. (No products or audios to purchase – just pure wisdom and inspiration)

I’ve always been inspired by women’s stories of hope, faith and transformation and throughout my own personal struggles it was those stories that gave me hope and inspiration to hold on to my dreams. It is with that intent that I’ve invited these inspiring women to join me for this powerful free series and hope you will join us.

Living a Life of Passion and Purpose is possible! It begins here>>//bit.ly/positiveshift

Join us beginning February 5^th for the Positive Mental Shift series where you will discover how you can

Let Go of Past Perceptions and Old Stories that have been weighing you down!
Release the Limiting Beliefs that are holding you back from living a life of passion and purpose!
Understand Where Change is Needed in Your Life and the steps to move forward!
Claim the Happiness you Desire AND Deserve! You’ve struggled long enough!
Access Your Inner Wisdom that has always been there waiting for you!
Take the Conscious Action Steps to start living the life you envision!

And much, much more. It’s time to awaken the Alpha Chick within and your journey begins here

Register today for FREE ACCESS to all 12 Live calls (and Replays) as well as the 12 free transformational gifts.

After registering be sure to watch for your “confirmation email’ so I can send you the access info and replay links.

I look forward to “seeing” you there!

Live Faithfully,

Mal Duane
Host
Recovery and Empowerment Coach
Bestselling Author

PS. Transformation begins with the first step. Take your first step and register today: //bit.ly/positiveshift

P.S.S. Forward this email invitation to the women in your life! Let’s create a world where ALL women are living a life of passion and purpose.

Happy You Year!

That’s right. 2013 is all about YOU. Your success and your dreams coming true.

I am so grateful and excited to welcome a brand new year. A chance for new opportunities and desires to be fulfilled. We want to play big and bold and make changes. We want to feel alive and content and excited.

So how are we going to do it?

First we have to sweep 2012 out the door! She won’t go quietly if we don’t give her a fond farewell. Take out a notebook and write down the lessons learned and let them go. For example, you got yourself into debt but you recognized it, and have now learned want vs. need. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes, this is mine, I am grateful I learned this lesson and it will serve me as I move forward. Close the notebook.

Meditate daily. On your goodness. Get comfy, pull your blanket around you and close your eyes. Think about yourself. How awesome you are. Your gifts, the things you’ve overcome. How you will not allow anyone to mistreat you or minimize you, no matter what you have to do. Our first ever 2013 intention should be to love ourselves. And from that everything will bloom. Our relationships. Our businesses. Our health. Add on goals and desires to this only after you have made it a habit.

YOU + HIGH SELF-WORTH – NEGATIVE PEOPLE AND BELIEFS = POWER

Next step, vision board time. Get yourself a piece of poster board and some magazines to cut out images and words that represent your desires or just draw what you want with markers. Be sure to write down the thing that you think people would laugh at you for attempting. The thing you really want but tell yourself it’s impossible. Yeah, that one. Keep your vision board out where you can see it. When a goal is manifested, give it a sticker or a check mark to say thank you to the Universe.

Visualize. If you want to publish a book, picture what the cover will look like and how it feels in your hands. Want to win a Grammy? Pick out your outfit you’ll wear to the awards show. Replay the scene every day.

Work. Check out designers on 99designs.com and get going on your book cover. Commit to 20 minutes of writing a day. Take steps each day toward your goal.

Act as if. If your book were published, how would you feel? You would probably be more prone to smiling and positive thinking. So act that way now.

Invest In Yourself. Commit to buying one book or attending a coaching class. Everything comes from the way you see yourself and your self-worth and value.

Little things. These small changes remind us that we’re on our path.

Change your screensaver to something motivating and/or peaceful.

Choose a theme song that is your own private victory anthem. Play it when you feel defeated (there will be tears and setbacks this year) or to celebrate a small or big win. I love Alicia Keys Brand New Me. “I’ll never be perfect, but at least now I’m brave.” //www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOSv1TIa58M

Pick 3 days randomly in your calendar this year that you will get yourself a latte, buy flowers or a candle or get a massage. Put it in your phone and set the reminder.

Give someone a free pass. Choose an annoying habit of someone close to you, your husband, your mother, a co-worker and give them a free pass. Crazy, right? Give it a try as a part of your spiritual practice to be a calm, centered person. Building this muscle will both strengthen your spirit of patience, AND you’ll be prepaying for a free pass for yourself. I know, this one is a killer.

Help someone else. This year, we will no longer allow violence against women in any form. Go to //www.vday.org/home and participate in One Billion Rising on Feb. 14, 2013 or donate to watchherthrive.com. WE have to stand up for ourselves, not someone else. Add to your morning meditation a prayer for all violence against women to end and recovery for survivors. Contributing to something larger than yourself yields unmerited gifts and rewards. And if you can’t figure out your passion, think of what you have to give, and you might find your talent there.

Fare thee well 2012. I’m blowing you a kiss with my new lipstick. It’s a new year, full of new opportunities and promise.

So with a handful of glitter in the air, Welcome 2013! I have a good feeling about you…

Live Faithfully,
Mal

Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over thirty Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.