Mal Duane Coach

Archives for January 2014

Is it love or is it an addiction?

Is it Love or is it an Addiction?Do you feel your happiness is predicated on being in a relationship? Do you feel incomplete without a man?

Why do women base their self-worth on whether a man loves them or not?

Well, I have the answers for you. Being completely transparent, I must admit I was addicted to love. Or, should I say, the feeling of being loved by someone else. The only problem was, the men I picked  didn’t love me back. Yes, I was one of those women that felt the only way I was complete and happy was to have a man paying attention to me.

I spent many years pursuing useless relationships that caused me more pain and self-loathing than love. I wore my heart on my sleeve, so that others could rip it off and walk over it. The men I attracted didn’t have any sincere interest in me but liked being seen with me. The harder I tried to make them like me, the bigger the rejection I would experience.

In other words, I was looking for love in all the WRONG places. I realize now this is a very common situation for women with low self-esteem. Read these words very slowly:

 A man will never complete you

He can only enhance your life. Anything more is too much responsibility for one person. Your truest form of love starts within you. If you don’t love yourself, then you can forget about a man loving you. The harder you try, the faster they run. Bottom line, you need to have something in order to be able to give it away.

Here are 5 updated rules for romance:

  1. If you feel like you can’t live without him, you should.
  2. If you are doing all the work to make it happen, then you need to step back.
  3. Meditate daily on the fact that you deserve to be loved, starting with being loved by yourself.
  4. Keep your clothes on until you know what the other person’s intentions are.
  5. Be yourself, it’s easier to sustain being the real you than it is to be a weak imitation of someone else.

Loving relationships do not need to be so challenging. But if you continue to put the wrong vibrations out, you will keep attracting the wrong men. A real relationship is a mirror image of the one you have with yourself. Do the inner work so you can experience the outer joy of connecting with someone who truly appreciates and loves you.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

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Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Resolutions or Intentions? Don’t set yourself up for failure!

New Years Resolutions

Every New Year we set resolutions to diet, to stop a bad behavior, break up with a jerk boyfriend or some other action we think is necessary to be successful or happy.

But wait a minute; three days into the New Year, the resolutions get kicked to the curb. What’s with that?

Why do we fail miserably at keeping our promises to ourselves? Are the resolutions we make realistic for where we are at today? Is there too much dramatic change required to ever get the ball rolling?

‘Resolution’ means finding a solution to a problem or, something settled or resolved. Being 20 pounds overweight or drinking a pitcher of stingers when you are out is far from resolved to me – as is  hanging out with that criticizing toad of a boyfriend because you are afraid to be alone.

So should you set resolutions or intentions to create change and stop bad habits? ‘Intention’ is an anticipated outcome that is intended or that guides your planned actions.

I don’t know about you but that sounds a whole lot better to me, when creating change in your life. Especially the part about planned actions. How many times have you anticipated something happening and then it just happened? Voila!

So what planned actions have you decided on to help you accomplish your goals or resolutions for this year? Up to now you probably didn’t have any.

To create change in your life you must set an intention, you are sending out a desire, energetically, so that the Universe can respond by manifesting what you wish.  A goal is more like a wish written on a piece of paper.

So how do you set intentions for 2014?

  1. First forget your resolutions if you haven’t already.
  2. Decide what your top 3 intentions to create desired change are for the New Year. Don’t make so many you can’t live up to them. Write them down.
  3. For each intention, write a detailed description of what it looks like. (E.g.: I want to lose 15 pounds and drop 2 pant sizes by 6/30/2014). Be specific about what you want, with a measurable result and a date of completion. Completion dates are instrumental.

Now make 5 action steps for each intention that will support you in achieving your desired outcome (E.g.: Have just one piece of toast at breakfast, no bread at lunch, instead eat  protein or vegetables, have an afternoon snack of fruit or yogurt,  have dinner portions the size of your fist, do 30 minutes of cardio 4 times a week.

  1. Make sure you read your action steps every day to reinforce your success.

By using this simple process, you will be the action hero of your own life instead of feeling like a failure for not keeping your resolutions.

I would love to hear how you do! I encourage you to set up a discovery session to review your intentions and implementation.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.