Mal Duane Coach

Archives for May 2014

Graduating From a Life of Resistance to a Life of Acceptance

Graduating From a Life of Resistance to a Life of Acceptance

I realized yesterday that my life is really a series of graduations from different phases of self-expression. Simply put, the first half of my life was all about resistance to “what is” and living my life blinded by my own beliefs. Then I graduated to a life of acceptance: living with “what is” and understanding that my beliefs might not reflect the truth.

When we accept something, we are not saying that we approve of it, we are simply no longer resisting it. When we resist, we put valuable energy into a situation that cannot be changed. We are unable to rewrite the script. So why invest valuable energy in something you cannot change? Why hold on so dearly to a situation that has no bearing on where you are today? What if, instead, you accept the situation as it is? Through acceptance we are able to release the hold we have put on ourselves. Once we accept, we can then reclaim our power and our right to choose.

Many unbearable things may happen to us in life. The longer we resist, the harder we try to change the situation and this results in more suffering. By accepting these unbearable situations, we can free our hearts and minds from endless days of anguish.

I personally carried disappointments and failed relationships around for years. They were the root of my self-imposed suffering. The pain I felt created an image of worthlessness and doom. All I knew was what I believed. I embraced alcohol to make myself feel better. At first that worked, but then the pain reoccurred. Before long I was consumed again and feeling there was no way to survive the pain. At a very low moment, I realized I could accept all the heartache I felt, as it no longer had any bearing on my current reality. The veil of illusion was lifted and an awakened woman emerged.

So much personal suffering is tied to resistance. Open your minds and your hearts. Welcome in acceptance and feel the shift of your personal power rush though you. Step 2 of the Five Steps of Faith from my book, Alpha Chick is to say “I accept disappointments, fears and sorrows so I may free myself from a past that no longer serves me, and I consciously change my attitude so that I may live the joyous life that is always available to me”.

How can you apply this to your own life? Please share some of your action steps.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

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Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

 

Falling Into Grace: get out of your head and into your heart

Falling Into Grace: get out of your head and into your heartThe last few weeks I have been caught up in significant decisions. I kept finding myself thinking and rethinking what I should do. The more I thought, the further away I was from a conclusion. Does this sound familiar?

My first big lesson came on Easter Sunday while I was listening to Adyashanti with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday.

As I listened to him speak it became so apparent to me that I was buried in my thoughts – and furthermore that my thoughts may not be the truth. Yikes!

Instead, I realized that my thoughts are my perceptions, my interpretations of reality but not necessarily the complete truth. I wondered what would happen if I listened to my heart instead.

Immediately, I was resurrected from my mind and felt a calming sensation come over me that brought tears to my eyes. In that instant I knew I was connected to my heart.  I had the answer. My path towards finding a conclusion was clear.

My second big lesson happened in Santa Fe just a few days ago. What a beautiful place for self-reflection and learning. Having tried many times to get into this very popular class I was finally participating in a Transformational Speaking program with the amazing Gail Larsen.

Gail is famous for helping people discover their voice, not the one in their head but the one they carry in their heart. When I showed up, I honestly felt that I was proficient at speaking from the heart. Well, that theory got thrown out the window in about the first hour of our work together!

Gail’s program is about speaking as if you are having a heartfelt conversation with an intimate friend.

Sounds easy. Right! Over the next four days I had to dig deeper and deeper to bring that voice forward. I was prepared to do the work and it took a tremendous amount of introspection, adaptation and integration to birth what I came for.

On Sunday we had to give another presentation to the group, putting into practice what we had learned, and my intention was to talk from the soul. I mapped it out on my board the night before but didn’t rehearse too much. I didn’t want to sound like I was giving a canned presentation.

I took my place in front of the class. My voice was significantly lower than before, my body movement much more calm. I spoke about the importance of healing a broken heart so that we may reclaim our lives. My fellow classmates listened intently. Gail was making her insightful critique as I proceeded. Was it perfect? Absolutely not but it was significantly more from the heart than my previous attempt.

We don’t realize how difficult it can be to access that voice. It takes practice and courage. Yes courage! It is so much easier to express what is in our heads rather than what is in our hearts. Until you connect with the silence within you, you can’t fully appreciate the power of it.

The program is about so much more than just public speaking, it is really about discovering what is buried within that needs to come up and be revealed. It was an amazing experience to speak so fully from the heart and it was so exciting to watch my classmates transform in front of my eyes. The pretenses we all came in with were stripped away.

As I leave Santa Fe today, I have so much gratitude for the opportunity to be part of this program. It was another giant step in my personal journey.

Thank you Gail Larsen for creating such a safe and comforting environment for all of us.  A place where we fell into grace with ease. Thank you to my beautiful transformational sisters for being willing to share so much of yourselves.

As much as we think we know, there is always more to learn. Life will continue to present us with ongoing lessons from the places we expect least. I know I wasn’t expecting to have a massive revelation on Easter Sunday listening to Adyashanti or when I was participating in a transformational speaking class. However, my heart had a different idea than my head and I now realize that the lessons I learn become shining stars in the sky so I can see my path better in the dark.

I would love to hear about a surprising revelation you have had when you least expect it. Please share it here, on Facebook or tweet it.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.