Mal Duane Coach

Archives for July 2017

Courage – My Favorite Word to Describe What I Do!

I was having a conversation with Sonja, my TEDx buddy about key words to describe what we do in our work with clients. Her word was connection. She teaches her clients communications. At first I thought my word was inspire but then it hit me, it’s COURAGE.

I think of myself as a midlife transition coach who helps women get back up when life has unexpectedly knocked you down.

I now recognize that courage has served me well. I have used it to get back up many times when life has hit me with a huge challenge. Getting honest about my alcohol addiction years ago took courage. Surviving the death of my precious niece took courage. Getting up again after my divorce took more courage!  My public speaking takes courage. I am always scared when I first start.  I still remember kids laughing at me when I was small, making fun of me when I spoke up.

Courage is something we all have, it just needs to be nurtured. It is also a split second decision.

How do you muster up your courage?

Understand that fear is something you create with your thoughts.

Taking one small step at a time. Allow yourself to feel your fear, breathe deeply into it and count to five. Sit with it and let it settle. When fear first hits you, it can feel like your body is in a huge vice being squeezed. After a few minutes the sensation settles down and your mind quiets down. If you try to take action while consumed with fear, you usually make very emotional decisions. If you let the feeling of fear soften slightly, you will make more courageous choices.

I have watched people in scary situations run right into more trouble because they were consumed with fear and didn’t allow themselves to feel the fear before reacting.

Sometimes fear can be mistaken for excitement. The sensations feel identical in the body.

Courage can feel like excitement as well.

 

Courage is just overcoming your feelings of fear. I am sure you have heard  “feel the fear and do it anyway”.

There is probably nothing you can’t deal with if you just give yourself a few moments to center yourself, acknowledge your fearful thoughts and then step right into your courage.

How to Shut Down the Inner Struggle

Do you wake up some days with two conversations going on in your head?

You toss and turn, there is a tug of war going on about deciding what to do.

One voice says, “stay where you are”, “don’t do anything”, “watch out”, “you can’t do this” which is the limiting voice of the ego. The ego doesn’t like growth, risks, vulnerability and the potential for failure. It’s all about keeping you safe so it thinks.

But how are you to grow and expand in this lifetime without stepping into the arena of challenge, of taking a chance?  Stretching yourself beyond your current limits? You can’t.

The good news is the more you grow, the more that nagging voice will show up. So, recognize it as a very good sign and tell it “I heard you, not to worry, I’ve got this”.

Honestly, I have been hearing it a lot lately. Whenever I start thinking big and reaching for my dreams, my ego starts screaming at me. If I listened to it I would have accomplished none of the great things that I have done in my life.

One side of your brain supports everything you do. That is the loving side that doesn’t get caught in fear.  You can call it spirit, the Universe or your higher self. The name doesn’t really matter but what it says to you does.

The more you nurture your relationship with the loving part of the brain, the fearful voice diminishes.

How do you build your connection to that loving voice in your head?

  1. Simple. Stop multi-tasking. Your brain isn’t wired to do two things at once. When you multi task you are inadvertently weakening your efforts. Things don’t come out as well as they could have.  Your brain is feeling split and starts letting you know by negative self-talk or even condemnation.
  2. Meditation is the fastest way to discover the voice within that comes from your soul. Just allow 5-10 minutes for your mind to settle down. Then just breath and listen.
  3. Journaling is another powerful practice that allows your soul to speak to you. Allow it to flow, no need to push and question intensely.
  4. Oracle cards are fabulous. I use various angel decks, Law of Attraction or Kuan Yin. The cards I pull inspire a wonderful internal dialogue with my higher self.

Now when that crippling internal struggle starts, you can decipher who is speaking to you and acknowledge the voice. It is so much fun standing in your power and making powerful choices that take you places that you used to dream about.