Blog – Page 10

Willingness + Honesty = Recovery

What is it that causes women to relapse even after they have started discovering the gifts of sobriety, rebuilding their lives, and regaining a lot of what they lost in their addiction? Is it despair? Is it lack of faith? Is it simply reverting back to familiar bad behavior because it is easier? Perhaps they lose sight of hope. They don’t really believe things can get better, or that they deserve better. The people closest to them have hurt them, so they withdraw and put walls up. The fear of the unknown overwhelms and chokes them and makes them reluctant to go down a new path. They have built a defense mechanism of forgetting the consequences of their actions. The only thing they feel will comfort them is what they know, another drink or drug.

“Sometimes, especially in early recovery, we concentrate on our losses instead of our gains. We see a chapter in our life closing, and we must mourn. We must leave some friends behind, or say goodbye to a social life we enjoyed. We must give up our addiction, which had become our best friend and only comfort. We may even need to leave our families, at least for a time, in order to concentrate on our own needs.” — Body, Mind, and Spirit by Anonymous

Last week a girl in the facility where I teach a class, who is in early recovery was struggling terribly with the flood of happy, sad, and reminiscent emotions that were happening as a result of the changes she is making in her life. She is actively taking part in her program and is realizing that acceptance of these changes is not easy. It is painful walking through the emotions along this new path of our journey. She was feeling hopeless and desperate and all she wanted to do was buy a bottle of booze, go sit at her parents’ grave, drink, and cry. She wanted to escape the difficult and uncomfortable feelings. Fortunately, she spoke up at a meeting and was honest about what was going on in her head. Afterwards, as she was getting ready to drive away, someone from the meeting came up to her and asked if she was o.k. He asked her if she would promise him just one thing. Would she buy a cup of coffee and take it to the cemetery instead? “Just give it a try, and if it doesn’t work, go back to Plan A.” He asked if he could call her later to make sure she was alright. She bought a cup of coffee and went to sit by a lake and cry. He called later and she was still sober. That is how the program works!

You think to yourself at times “I can’t do this, it’s too much, it hurts, I can’t face this pain, I am not strong enough, I give up!” That’s right! YOU can’t, but WE can! There is Power and Hope in WE!!! Honesty is a choice ONLY YOU can make. A fellowship cannot give you the strength and support you need if you do not ask for help, and tell someone how you are REALLY feeling.

I know when I was actively drinking that I used to choose not to talk about it when I wanted to drink because I didn’t want anyone to talk me out of it. I wanted to isolate, wallow in my self-pity, and drink. End of conversation. I wanted to stop the pain of feeling worthless. (That’s another blog post about all the bullying I experienced as a teenager.)

But when you are blessed with the gift of desperation, it opens a new door to Hope. You decide you have lost ENOUGH. Sadly, you have a chronic and fatal disease that will end up putting you in jail, an institution, or even killing you if you do not change. Today, you know that this old default behavior of using will unquestionably make the situation worse. You have proven this to yourself time and time again. Choosing sobriety and recovery is the only answer.

I love this quote from Seth Jaffe, The Sober Coach

“When the drugs and alcohol are taken away from an addict, it leaves a vacuum which abstention from using does not fill…This feeling of uneasiness will continue to exist until the vacuum is filled with recovery, a healing and awakening of the spirit. Recovery will work for any addict if they have the desire to stay clean and sober above all else and the willingness and honesty to do whatever it takes to have a life of recovery”.

What challenges have you had with your recovery?

If you would like to learn more about the Life Recovery Process and creating what you desire, check out my web page about the symptoms of not living with passion and purpose by clicking here.

I am passionate about helping women to recover their lives and to clearly identify the behaviors that are keeping them chained to the past. Life Recovery Coaching is a process for helping all women become the best expression of their divine.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Are You Talking To Your Kids About Using Molly?

Your child has been away at college for six weeks now. You have been checking in with them regularly and maybe even doing some FaceTime or Skyping.

This moment in time took years of preparation on your part as a parent. You educated your child, stayed up many a night with them doing their homework. You went to all their sports programs.

You spent the month of August running around getting all the things they needed for their new college dorm room. Years of financial commitment have brought you to this huge moment in their lives. But did you have that hard conversation about the use of drugs and the reckless behavior that comes as a result of experimenting with them? None of us ever feel our child could do that and you’re probably right. But when a group of their peers get together and urge and push and needle them into trying something as dangerous as the drug known as Molly, their lives can change or end in a moment.

Here in New England this fall, there has been an explosion in the use of Molly amongst college students. Two magnificent young women took Molly while they were out with their friends. They overdosed and tragically lost their lives. The name ‘Molly’ makes this drug sound harmless but it can be lethal. Within a short time these women became statistics and front page news.

At the same time, current media obsession and pop star Miley Cyrus recently said to Rolling Stone, “I think weed is the best drug on earth. One time I smoked a joint with peyote in it, and I saw a wolf howling at the moon. Hollywood is a coke town, but weed is so much better. And Molly, too. Those are happy drugs – social drugs. They make you want to be with friends. You’re out in the open. You’re not in a bathroom. I really don’t like coke. It’s so gross and so dark. It’s like what are you, from the Nineties? Ew.”

How can we better prepare kids for the pressures they will be presented with when living on their own? The truth is, teaching them responsibility early on is key.

Open, honest and non-judgmental conversation with the option for them to reach out to you, or possibly a life/recovery coach, when the situation presents itself is really important. Somehow talking to an outsider seems less intimidating.

The best of kids can be pushed into dangerous social situations. They want to belong to the group, even if that group may be experimenting with something that is potentially lethal. At that age, self-esteem is draped over them in a very thin veil. It can be shredded at a moment’s notice. It is a time of needing to make new friends and dealing with loneliness.

Now is the perfect time to have this conversation with your child. Dig deep with your questions. Listen carefully for hidden signs that something may be going on. Start to research a potential coach that your child could reach out to if they start feeling pressured and fearful. The non-family member guidance can be a life saver.

Not sure what to do? Feel free to reach out to me. I would be happy to make recommendations for you. You can contact me through my website //theliferecoveryformula.com.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Honesty + Innovative Thinking = Self-Actualization

“No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you’ve come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself.” –Madonna

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” –Ernest Hemingway

Do you know who you REALLY are? Do you know who you WANT to be? Perhaps you are tired of seeing yourself through the eyes of others whose vision may be distorting what they see when they look at you. Maybe you feel imprisoned by other people’s perceptions of you becoming your definition, your image, and the way you feel about yourself. If we live our lives attempting to live up to the expectations of others we will be constrained by a bar set too high, by unachievable standards of unrealistic perfection. We must live by our own truth.

If we try some new and exploratory thinking with open-mindedness, we may gain some indispensable confidence and courage in our ability to change. We will begin a gradual transformation of who we are and how we feel about ourselves.

Have you ever aspired to be an artist? Let’s try it. Let’s envision a newly created picture of our self. Imagine a clean, white, flawless canvas. Starting with today, as a woman in Recovery, fill in the background with all of your past experiences, relationships, your journey of life so far. This is what makes you unique; it has molded you into who you are today so it has to be your backdrop. Now gently wash over it to remove any guilt, shame, and remorse. The past is in the past and you cannot change it. There is no purpose in continuing to relive it, you are only hurting yourself. You are forgiven, and today is a new beginning. With willingness, motivation, and determination, you will create a new picture of your self emerging in sobriety. Consider the positive adjectives like: CLEAN AND SOBER, beautiful inside and out, strong, intelligent, loving, kind, patient, funny, considerate, tolerant, spiritual, devoted, understanding, creative, talented, gifted, dependable, mindful, colorful, stylish, respectful, and magnificent! As your picture becomes more clear, do you like what you see? Have you felt in the past as though the people in your life have trapped you in a rigid box and there was no way out? Did it become a self-fulfilling prophecy, a negative downward spiral? If we continuously hear negative things about ourselves, we come to believe them. “Everyone says I am a useless and hopeless drunk or drug addict, so I may as well be that because that’s what I am!!”

These changes are not going to happen overnight. But, as in every aspect of recovery, we start with baby steps. Dare to stick your toe outside the boundary of the box, just a little bit to “test the waters”, try something new and different. Remind yourself that though it might be a little uncomfortable and unnatural, it won’t be fatal. You will experience the exhilaration of successfully accomplishing something different. You will realize your power to break through your habitual behavior. And having accomplished this, you will become more comfortable with life outside of your self-imposed limits and you will venture further the next time. Before you know it, you will be taking leaps beyond where you have been stuck, for a long time, in desperation.

Live Faithfully,
Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Faith + Courage = Freedom to Exercise our Profound Personal Power

Throughout our lives as women, we have found ourselves paralyzed by our fears: fear of failure, fear of success, rejection, loss, loneliness, pain, loss of safety, security, and affection, estrangement, separation – the list goes on. We find ourselves willing to endure our pain because we are afraid, our instinct is to protect ourselves from the risks of change.

But we can come to realize that we are not powerless, worthless individuals at the mercy of the judgment of others. Our happiness is not dependent on the actions or perceptions of anyone else. We must accept responsibility for the unhealthy conditions that surround us and restore our personal power.

Giving away our power to the whims of others weakens our spirit. Many times, pain is the beginning of awareness. And that pain may awaken our consciousness.

We are who we are because of what we have been through. We cannot forget the meaning or nature of our journey. We must use the past and what it can teach us without being controlled by it, and take possession of the cruelties in our past to free ourselves of the bondage to these past events.

We can direct our energies and recognize our personal gains. Nothing and no one can take them away from us. We can gain strength from our experiences. We learn through our pain, we accept or reject our burdens, and grow beyond our fears. We can be unafraid in a world where there is much work to do, truth to seek and love to give and enjoy. We are free to be who we want to be.

So what is FAITH? Faith is a strong and steadfast belief in a power greater than ourselves. It is devotion, loyalty, hope, resolution, trust, acceptance, and confidence. Faith is belief without proof, leaping before you are positive you will make it to the other side, making a decision before you have ALL the facts or have solved ALL the problems, committing before you are CERTAIN. We can decide that we have faith in our ability to grow and change.

What is COURAGE? Courage is taking just one baby step, and then we will find that every time we take a risk, we strengthen our willingness to take another. Conscious risk taking can be very empowering which leads to greater self-esteem. Baby steps become leaps. So take a leap! What do we really have to lose? What do we have to gain?

And what is FREEDOM? Freedom is the ability to make a CHOICE! Freedom means we are not subject to the control or domination of another; we are not bound, confined or detained by force from other people’s perceptions

Here are 4 tips for your journey:

Tap into faith, courage, and the strength of your inner spirit.
Strive for the state of being nearly fearless.
Don’t be afraid to be yourself, be authentic.
Participate in life, don’t just let it happen.

The bottom line is: Risk It!!!

“To laugh is to risk appearing the fool. To weep is to risk appearing sentimental. To reach for another is to risk involvement. To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self. To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss. To love is to risk not being loved in return. To live is to risk dying. To believe is to risk despair. To try is to risk failure. But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live. Chained by their attitudes they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom. Only a person who risks is free.”

– William A. Ward

If you would like to learn more about the Life Recovery Process and creating what you desire, check out my web page about the symptoms of not living with passion and purpose by clicking here.

Live Faithfully,
Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Initiative = Accomplishment: Everything Starts Within Us

Why do you spend so much time blaming other people or situations for your own misfortunes? I guess it might be easier to pin the tail on another donkey!

Maybe it is time to be accountable, even if for only yourself. You have the ability to do, and to choose as you please. All your decisions are yours to make, not someone else’s.

To create things that you desire, you need to take the initiative. Action could start with thoughts, which can lead to an image, which can bring about the physical reality of what you want.

In fact, what you are doing is putting the Law of Attraction to work for you. But you have to take the initiative first. Here are a few steps to help you create what you desire:

Start with your thoughts; getting clear and then asking for what you want.
Take the action steps that are necessary to put your desire into motion. This is the initiative that most people leave out.
Start to feel and live as if your desire has shown up. This is the allowing part of the creative process. You need to believe that your desires are going to show up and allow them time and space to do so.

If you would like to learn more about the Life Recovery Process and creating what you desire, check out my web page about the symptoms of not living with passion and purpose by clicking here.

Live Faithfully,
Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Self worth + Self care = Joy

The deepest and most painful wounds come from self-condemnation. Yet, we keep doing it over and over to ourselves until the flesh is almost gone from our bones.

Some of us use a form of addiction as a band-aid to those wounds. But nothing ever really suffices; they just get deeper and more painful. All the alcohol or drugs that you can take only numb the pain temporarily. What is really needed is a shift in how you think about yourself.

Funny thing is, as simple as it seems, why do you struggle so much with thinking good things about yourself?

It all starts with childhood and the perceptions other people have. You‘re born with a clean slate, as a perfect little being and then you meet your parents. I am not saying that they are not loving or good but just that they have their own ideas which start to become your ideas.

How about little Johnny from next door that calls you a name or pushes you down in the yard? Holy crap, that one can last a lifetime and turn into some huge melodrama in your emotional development.

If you could look at this “stuff” that you collect along the way as not an accurate representation to who you are but just other’s perceptions, your life could change dramatically.

Very early in life we realize we are separate beings from our mothers and we can choose what we want. Follow a three year old around for an hour, you will hear “mine, mine, mine”. We just need to do the same thing with our thoughts.

No one can love you better than you. You know yourself and your deepest desires. You know the truth about you. You know the good and the bad. The relationship you have with yourself will be the most important one in your life. Make it a loving, respectful and nurturing one.

Self love starts with good self care. Eating healthy and honoring your body. Think of it as a temple for the magnificent soul within you. If you think of yourself this way, it is easier to stop many of your bad habits.

Look in the mirror daily and embrace your magnificence. Don’t compare yourself to false images from magazines or TV. Those models are not real representations of women today. They are touched up replicas or altered images.

Treat yourself to something nice every week. Maybe a movie or a manicure? If you don’t treat yourself nicely do you think anyone else will?

Please feel free to share some of the ways you love yourself. The best reply will win a personally autographed copy of Alpha Chick and a free Discovery Session.

Live Faithfully,
Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Forgiveness = Freedom

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”

― John F. Kennedy

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”

― Oscar Wilde

“Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.”

― Will Smith

What is forgiveness? Well, I’ll be clear on what it’s not. It isn’t giving someone a pass for an unjustifiable wrong done to you. In fact, the dictionary says it means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw or mistake. Somewhere along the way our culture has painted a picture where the victim tells the perpetrator, Oh, that’s fine what you did. You don’t even have to feel bad. I forgive you. Some of us growing up in dysfunctional homes were forced to issue apologies for things we didn’t do. And that’s why we confuse the definition of what forgiveness really is-a powerful shift of focus onto ourselves and creating the lives of our dreams.

This confusion is illustrated by the synonyms suggested for the word forgive: Pardon. Remit. Excuse. Condone. Absolve.

None of those things are required for forgiveness. The only thing you want to do is to free your mind and body to live without your precious energy being focused on that person. Forgiving someone means squarely placing all the blame on that person. It also means that now your world is different and you’ve got to accept that. Now you have to take responsibility for who you allow into your world. You might have to stop talking to someone and instead of feeling like a bad person, you will feel like a victorious protector of your own life! And you can take the knowledge from that experience, even if it was having to face that there is true evil in the world, and use it to your advantage. You can use it as a shield to protect yourself in the future. You can be a support and light to others so that they can see a life beyond what terrible thing happened to them.

People say all the time, the Bible tells us to forgive. But in Luke 17:3, Jesus tells us we are to forgive someone who sins against us, IF he repents. God does not want us to be abused.

Forgiving doesn’t mean you cower to anyone or let someone repeat the behavior and use you as a doormat. It means you grow stronger, not weaker. You identify the wrongdoer as weak and pathetic, and turn your attention toward building the life they tried to prevent you from having.

Live Faithfully,
Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Creative Imagination + Strong Faith = Deliberate Creation

Why do we get so beaten down and hopeless that we can’t create what we want in our lives? I am here to tell you, maybe even while standing on a roof top shouting that we most certainly can. Like everything else in life, there is a formula. Once you have that the rest is easy.

You wouldn’t try to whip up a fabulous chili dinner without the ingredients or the recipe would you?Your life is no different. Once you have the ingredients and the recipe, it is time to go to work.

Creative Imagination is simply fueling that vision of yours with powerful, real images. Want a new house, start cutting out all the pictures in magazines of the ones you like. But don’t stop there. Make sure you grab kitchens and bathrooms, draperies and anything else you want to add. The more images you have the clearer the vision that is imprinted on your brain. How much fun is that?

You can even build one online on Pinterest. You can create as many boards as you like, your dream house, inspirational quotes on Faith, your dream guy, places you’d like to travel. Then you can visit it everyday and add new pins and reflect and pray for what you desire.

Everything I ever wanted in life I started with a picture, a very detailed, thought out picture. After I had my colorful detailed vision in place, I started to pour on the faith. Tons and tons of belief that I could get this, I deserved this and was going to wait for the Universe to deliver. Want to know what happened?

I got exactly what I ordered every time. Usually a little better than what I initially imagined.

Faith is one of the strongest energies you can surround yourself with. This means on the worst of days-when you feel alone and face setbacks and mean people and think, Why even bother hoping for what I want in life? I’ll never get it-that you dig deep and encourage yourself to stay in belief. It will mean taking a deep breath and saying, the Universe/God is looking after me and I deserve to be happy. I’m going to stay in Faith, despite my feelings, and know that my dreams are on their way.

Three important keys to this whole process.

Letting go of guilt. You might say to me Mal, who am I to want these nice things? After all, I have it better than most. No, you deserve what you want, not what you could or should be content with. The happier and more fulfilled you are, the more you will be able to help others achieve their dreams. Often times this guilt comes from society or an unsupportive family that has sought to keep us inside a box. No! Your dreams and desires come from something much larger and fulfilling them is a key to a much bigger vision. For example, wanting a nice home isn’t to ‘show off’, it can mean a deep desire for security and comfort. Wanting a nice car can mean you long for freedom and adventure.
Vision boards aren’t all about “stuff.” You can create a board for Animals and put up pictures of rescue animals, if you want to start a Family you could put up pictures of nurseries. You can create a board called Peace and fill it with symbols and images that reflect this state of mind.
Celebrate your victories!!! When something on your vision board comes true check it off, cross it out, and say thank you to the universe!! Maybe a health problem cleared up or you found an online course to get you closer to your dreams! Whatever “appears” show your gratitude.

Do you have a burning desire for something? Want some help creating the vision? Just let me know. And check out my Pinterest page at pinterest.com/malduane/

Live Faithfully,
Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Awakened + Authentic + Abundant = Being An Alpha Chick

I have to open with this quote from one of the most beautiful spiritual warriors of the sisterhood.

“At first, to be honest, I was put off a little by the term “Alpha Chick” not really sure that describes me as a woman. After our inner-view together, I realized that it was just a term of self-empowerment and that your beautifully feminine and sensitive approach were especially encouraging; your innate sensitivity made me feel very held and validated in our conversation for your series.” Kristine Carlson

An Alpha Chick is a divine creation, joyously connecting to the inner power she was born with, the deep voice within her soul that guides her. I am just a messenger, a scout leader on the path. I love sharing with you that I know how to get you to this blissful state of self-love. We all have the ability when our vision becomes clear. If you lift the veil of shame and guilt, your shining light is able to emerge. The glorious woman you want to be has the chance to live authentically, not shackled to some old story from the past. If you spend less time worrying about the past, you can experience the perfection of where you are at in the present moment.

Our growth as divine feminine consciousness is a process. The destination is not as important as the journey. You and only you can control your evolution into the woman you want to be. You and only you can stop it.

Three steps to get you started:

Start a daily spiritual practice of meditation
Start writing in a journal about all that you appreciate
Post two pictures weekly to a new vision board what you would like to attract in your life.

You have the power of free will. The veil that you have been living with may have obscured your view to exercise your choice. Reclaim you choice and start to create all that you desire. You were put on this earth to grow, to live with joy and to fulfill a purpose. What will yours be?

Live Faithfully,
Mal