Mal Duane Coach

Meet Carolyn McGee Master Intuitive Teacher, Coach & Healer


Do You Trust Your Intuition?

I love talking about intuition. Funny thing is you all have it and yet few pay attention to it. Sometimes you down right dismiss it (like me) and guess what? It comes back and bites you in the tail.

I have said for years that intuition is one of the greatest gifts you get in this lifetime. It has multi-purposes.  Like keeping you safe, giving you direction, clarity, and insight into the future. In fact, intuition is like a muscle. The more you use it, the more powerful it becomes. It can communicate through thought, sound, sight, and feeling. How many things do you know of that have that capacity? Do you know what your predominant channel is? Mine is the gut, a strong feeling.

If you think you’re highly sensitive, you may be an empath and feeling other people’s energy. That is another level of intuition. When you’re empathic, you need to create energy boundaries to protect yourself.

Visualize yourself in a golden bubble and set an intention that only the highest good can get in. Then you can protect yourself from the negative energy that doesn’t belong to you.  Every night I sweep my entire energy field within twelve inches of my body so I can cut any cords of things that may have attached themselves to me. I also use a little Palo Santo spray.

There are several ways to test to see if your intuition is guiding you correctly. My favorite is using a pendulum. Hold it gently between your thumb and index finger. Ask it yes or no questions. It will move accordingly to the vibrational energy it is sensing. The pendulum can move in a straight line or circular motion. The straight line is best for yes or no. If you are right-handed then yes is to the right. If you’re left-handed it is to the left.

This week’s guest, Carolyn McGee is a Master Intuitive Coach, Healer, and Author. She shares several strategies for understanding and utilizing the power of your intuition. Carolyn reinforces how important it is to embrace your intuition and use it wisely.



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Mal: [00:00:04] Well, I am so excited this week because I get to talk about something that I absolutely love. And when I bring up this topic, some people go, “Oh Mal, you are like so ‘whoo-whoo’”. They don’t get it.

 

Intuition is a gift and it’s one of the most powerful things we can use in our lives to guide us, to help us make major decisions and this week’s guest is an expert on intuition. I am psyched to have Carolyn McGee on today. She’s a Master Intuitive teacher, a coach, a healer, and she’s known as the angel animal in intuition oracle. She specializes in amplifying your intuitive superpower to listen to, trust and follow your soul’s path to live your most joyful life.

 

She’s co-authored six best-selling books. She’s a popular TV host and sought-after speaker and blogger. She’s taught thousands of professional corporate and entrepreneurial women to trust themselves and their divine intuition so they can show up in full power in business and life.

 

Yay, girl! I’m like so psyched to have you on today.

 

Carolyn: Ooh, I love that energy that you’ve got going, Mal.

 

Mal: Well, we’re talking about something that I love, lady, you know. I love intuition.

 

It’s funny, you know. We either don’t know what it is, don’t listen to it, or ignore it. And I’m guilty of all three… well, two of them. I know what intuition is, but I’ve known to ignore it and I’ve been guilty of not paying attention to it and when that happens, the cosmic two-by-four comes along and hits me on the head and says, “Wake up, Mal!”

 

Carolyn: Right, yeah. We always get a redo. If we don’t listen or if we choose to ignore it or if we don’t trust it so we don’t take action, it’s going to come around again. So we’re going to have another opportunity, hopefully from a little bit more enlightened space, but we will get a chance to redo that decision.

 

Mal: So, for the audience, some people don’t really understand the full power of intuition, why don’t you give them a full picture of just the power of what it is?

 

Carolyn: [00:02:42] Sure, I’ll be happy to. So intuition I look at as a gift. It is our body’s resonance with the information that’s all around us, you know. That’s why we need to be present in order to really feel our intuition and to understand the way it’s guiding us.

 

I look at our intuition as our own, personal GPS so that we’ve got our own guidance system built-in and it’s just going to help our soul; guide us to what’s truly in our highest good. And the more we practice it, the easier for us to understand it.

 

Mal: Everybody has intuition, right?

 

Carolyn: Absolutely everybody. Yes.

 

Mal: [00:03:27] So how do we develop it? How do we understand it, connect with it, know that, you know, it’s happening?

 

Carolyn: That is a great question and one I get asked all the time. So it’s… you’re going to feel it through your body. As I said, our body is the mechanism, first of all, it’s what holds our soul, right? So we’re this physical energy and our bodies are going to react to the stimulus that is out there.

 

You know, we may see something that’s, you know, using clairvoyance, to get a message. We may hear something. We may sense something. You know a lot of people are clairsentients, which means that you’re going to sense it through your feelings. Empathy is something that is highly associated with that. Or you may just know it. People talk about the gut instinct or, you know, an initial impression on somebody—that’s your intuition reading the energy and giving you an update on “this is a good thing for you” or “it’s not” and it’s up to us to allow that information to flow through our bodies and recognize it and then take that action.

 

Mal: [00:04:47] Do you think that everybody has a predominant channel on how they receive intuition? I know for me, it’s my gut.

 

Carolyn: Yeah. Yeah, my gut is really strong and so is clairsentience, which is that sensation. A lot of people who are highly empathetic, or you know, as children we’re told that, “Oh, you’re too sensitive!” That’s clairsentience. You’re actually reading the energy in a room or around people or sometimes you’re actually taking on their energy. You know, if you walked in and your shoulder wasn’t bothering you and then the next thing you know, your friend’s shoulder’s bothering them and then yours is, you’re taking on their energy.

 

And that’s a lot of the reasons that there’s so much depression around and anxiety because people are taking on things that aren’t even there. So they don’t know how to create that energetic boundary around them so to separate that.

 

Mal: [00:05:48] So, energetic boundary, I love that. Two questions here. One is, how do we develop the intuition? And the second component is, how do we develop the boundary?

 

Carolyn: Yeah. So, you know, the power of intention is tangible. So I’m going to answer the boundary question first.

 

What I imagine is that my energy field is like a soap bubble. Remember blowing soap bubbles when you were a kid and they were so pretty with that iridescent color? So I just imagine that I got one of those around my body—my physical body and my energetic body—and I make a conscious decision that only things that are in my highest good can come into my soap bubble.

 

And then I ask… I do a lot of work with the angels. So Archangel Michael is the big guide for me. I just ask him to remove any energy that’s not mine and to support me with that. So I just imagine that he’s pulling it out and that I’ve got this nice clean field with white light bubble around me and that’s my own energy and I get to make a decision on how I’m going to utilize it.

 

Mal: [00:07:03] Now, you mentioned Archangel St. Michael. Not everybody might have the mindset or even the belief that they have the capacity to tap into that. So if they don’t, what do they do? Because some people might struggle with the Archangel thing.

 

Carolyn: Yup, no, I can completely understand that. You know, I think that if you have a belief in something that’s bigger than yourself, which most people who are on a spiritual path do, you can just ask that energy to remove anything that doesn’t belong to you. Or you can just use your own energy.

 

I like to use my hands, I talk with them, anyway. So, I will sometimes just say, “Okay, anything that’s not mine, just push it right outside of my field,” and imagine it just flowing away. It just helps support the… I guess the vision of it all and making it more tangible and more foundational.

 

And you had asked about how people can practice. I always like to say trust and verify. I am a big proponent of journaling, and I don’t mean long prose because I’m not a big writer that way, but I like to keep notes. So, I’m proving myself right. I have, you know, a feeling about something. I write it in the journal and then I can go back and see that it was the truth. Or I receive messages through all of these different ways and maybe it’s a little piece of a puzzle that I get by seeing something and maybe I have a dream that gives me a little bit more information.

 

So it’s like I’m building a case, so to speak, on what the right answer is and then in time, I prove myself right.

 

Mal: You mentioned something so important, journaling. I’m an avid fan for it. And the reason why I love it so much is sometimes we get these brilliant ideas that might come between 3AM and 5AM. When the veil between the physical and the non-physical is the thinnest, and that’s when I seem to communicate with my higher self, my divine guidance. If I didn’t write those things down, I would not remember all of them.

 

And as you said, there are little nuggets that come through—little pieces—and if you write them down, then what you’re doing is you’re collecting all these little pieces; you can go back and you start to formulate the whole picture from the pieces.

 

Carolyn: Yeah. It’s just like doing a puzzle. It’s so fun!

 

Mal: It’s a great way to… it is, because it’s like, “little piece here, little piece there,” and then when you put it all together, you get a very clear idea as to what you should be doing or what the truth is or what the truth is for you; but something that brings you a sense of comfort about, you know, what you’re doing or you’re going with a path you may have considered taking.

 

Carolyn: Yeah, very powerful.

 

Mal: [00:10:30] So tell us a little bit about how feelings can show up in the body.

 

Carolyn: Well, it’s really interesting. When I was… from the time I was very, very young, I thought I had sinus issues because randomly, it seemed at the time, my right cheek would feel heavy or flushed and sometimes my left one would, and I’d never understood it until I was probably in my 40s and playing around with dousing rods—I was just going into the spiritual path and trying to understand, you know, what this energy system means—and I realized as the rods would say yes, my right cheek would get warm and feel full and if it said no, it was my left cheek.

 

So that’s my own body’s way of resonating with the divine energy of yes and no or good for me or not good for me. And I believe everybody has that, but we oftentimes don’t know what the signal is that our body is trying to send us until we get that outside connection so that we can understand that.

 

Another way that we can do is a lot of times I will feel almost as if the hairs on my arm are standing up or sometimes, I will feel as if I’m being hugged. So there’s like this heat and comfort that comes from the outside in. It’s not like, you know, if you’re exercising and you get the heat from the inside out. It’s a very different sensation, and especially when I’m working with, you know, the angelic realm or any type of energy work, you know. I do reiki also and that… the sensation is as if there’s this heat all along my skin.

 

Mal: [00:12:27] Now, is there a way for people to develop that sensitivity? Are there practice, steps they can take to develop their awareness of what they’re feeling in their body?

 

Carolyn: Yes, absolutely. So one of the things that I recommend for people is really doing a lot of breath work. You know, really thinking and being present and you change the energy in your body when you do those deep breaths.

 

I like to do the yoga breathing, the in through the nose and out through the mouth, and imagine the breath coming all the way down to my hips. So I’m really clearing out the energy in my body and then I just sit in awareness. Sometimes I have my eyes open, sometimes I don’t, but I just like, as my thoughts are going through, what am I sensing? If I’m meditating, is there a pressure in a different place in my head? If I’m trying to connect with an animal, am I feeling any sensations in my body that aren’t mine?

 

Or part of that clearing that I’m talking about, the breathing, is getting a better understanding of my own physical energy so I know what’s mine. If I’m connecting in with someone, then I know the energy’s not mine if I’m aware of what my own little peaks and pains are. Does that make sense?

 

Mal: It does, and I know that you’re an animal communicator and so I’ve asked you questions at times about that and you have, all of a sudden, experienced a physical sensation that you immediately recognized wasn’t yours probably belonged to the animal, which just to me is so fascinating. It blew me away, I loved it! Wow! I mean, it’s such a gift.

 

How do we know how to trust what’s coming through? That’s a biggie, you know. You’re like, “Oh this is nuts! I’m being crazy”, and you dismiss things, but in fact, they are really valid messages. So how do we learn how to trust all that?

 

Carolyn: [00:14:57] It goes back to trust but validate that I mentioned earlier. I highly recommend people start journaling or at least jotting down notes because it builds up your confidence level. And your body also will give you a yes or now. There are so many different ways to muscle test. You know, you can use your body as a pendulum. You can ask your heart.

 

You can do different things that way to get a yes or a no. You can use a traditional pendulum. You just hold it and let it do yesses or nos. So, say you get a download or a divine whisper that says you’re supposed to take a certain class, and you don’t know if you really are supposed to invest the money in the class, if it’s in your highest good or not.

 

So you can ask. You can use the pendulum. You can use your body for that. A lot of people will do strength testing—if it’s good for me, it makes my body stronger. But the simplest one is use your heart.

 

Now, if you think about your heart, it’s actually the most intuitive muscle that you have. Your heart can’t lie.

 

Mal: Beautiful.

 

Carolyn: You just say, “Is this good for me?” If it says yes, your heart’s going to feel expansive. You’re going to glow. You’re going to feel filled with love. If it’s not good for you, you’re going to maybe even feel pushed back from it or you might want to close in and protect your heart. So it’s a really powerful and simple way that anyone can validate yes or no. You do have to be very clear, though, with your questions.

 

Mal: So, explain that. You have to be really clear with the question. What do you mean by that, girl?

 

Carolyn: Yes. So for example, you don’t want to ask a big, long statement. You want to keep it clear and concise and you always want to include the timeframe. So, “Am I supposed to take this class in 2019?” and you’ll get a yes or a no. If it’s a yes, “Am I supposed to take this class in November of 2019?” Or maybe there are two options. Maybe it’s being offered every six months.

 

So just being clear about things because the answer may be yes, it’s optimum for you to do something but maybe that it’s next year or maybe it’s five years from now. So getting that clarity around the timing is really important. I think a lot of people gets upset because they say, “Well, I asked” and they said, you know, “I got the information that it’s right”, but they didn’t ask about the timing. So yes, it is right but it’s not right now.

 

Mal: [00:18:09] Now, the universe is fabulous for giving us messages.

 

Carolyn: Absolutely.

 

Mal: And they can show up in something that you read—that happened to me recently. I was reading a book and three times in one week and this book, “Oneness” by Rasha, it told me that I needed to study energy healing in order to serve the people I was serving.

 

To better help them, I needed to understand their energy and energy healing. It was like nothing I ever considered doing; nothing I ever really thought about, three times in one week and in between those three times, I got two emails about a course. I went, “I don’t think I’d better ignore this.” This is a really clear message; I’m meant to do this.

 

And I’ve signed up, I’m in the program. I love it! I mean, I’m just so taken by the information and the capabilities that we have as human beings to work with energy. It’s fabulous, it’s just fascinating.

 

Carolyn: Yeah. When we get those messages… I’ve heard that we get over a million messages a day. A million messages! Isn’t that crazy?

 

So finding the way that you receive the best and then working to acknowledge that. One of the things that’s so amazing about the universe is acknowledgment—acknowledgment, and gratitude—the more you recognize the signs and the more you say ‘thank you’ for those signs, the faster they’re going to come in. And once they know—the universal energy knows—that “oh she’s paying attention to books” or “she’s paying attention to numbers” or “I can whisper in this person’s ear and they’re going to acknowledge me”, they’re just going to keep doing it because “yay, she got it!”

 

Mal: And I think the universe wants us to get it.

 

Carolyn: That’s why there are a million messages because if we’re not getting it one way, they’re going to try another way and they’re going to keep doing that. And they’re sending the same messages out to multiple people.

 

In the beginning, when I was doing this work, one of my friends said, “Oh, I had this brilliant idea but I didn’t get a chance to implement it and now somebody else is doing it.” My take on that is it just means that it’s a valid thing and your spin is different than that other person’s spin so go for it!

 

The universe is going to get the message out not only to us but other people that need to go out and help people.

 

Mal: Love it. Love it, love it! You have a wonderful free giveaway on your website for the audience so would you be so kind as to tell them about it and how they can get it?

 

Carolyn: [00:21:16] Sure, I’d be happy to. I call it ‘My Soul Clarity Gift’ and what it does is it helps you understand your intuition so that you can really follow your soul’s guidance. It’s a three-part gift. The first is a meditation to help you clear blocks. The second is what I call ‘My Daily Checklist’. It’s those things we want to be intuitively monitoring every single day. And then the third part is the ’17 Questions Journaling Book’ so that you can really work on honing, understanding your intuition and if you got any challenges with it.

 

Mal: Oh, wonderful! Fabulous! I’m going to go sign up so if you see my name in there, you’ll know. I love the idea of those 17 questions because I’m a believer that self-inquiry is the fastest way to awareness and that’s how I work through things. I ask myself questions and they get deeper and deeper and I write down the answer and then that answer will take me to another level. I have learned so much through just asking myself questions and really developed my intuition through that process of using questions.

 

Carolyn: It is a beautiful exercise.

 

Mal: So Carolyn, tell the guests your web domain… address.

 

Carolyn: It’s CarolynMcGee.com, very simple.

 

Mal: Oh, that’s easy enough.

 

Carolyn: It is.

 

Mal: I knew that but I want to make sure that they knew it.

 

Carolyn: Thank you.

 

Mal: What would be the most powerful little tip that you could give right now to the listeners to get them started on this path of utilizing intuition?

 

Carolyn: To trust themselves and to really… to take action. Understanding it but not taking action, it paralyzes you. So take action. It’s much more important to take action and make a mistake than to not make that step. So trust yourself.

 

Mal: And if you ignore it, you’re going to know about it because I’ve been in those shoes. And it comes back and bites you right in the tail and says, “Hey, I gave you warning, you didn’t want to listen so here it is” and then you find yourself caught up in chaos, pain, confusion, conflict, which could have been avoided if you listened to your intuition.

 

Thank you, girl! Love seeing you. Terrific! Thank you so much for being on today.

 

Carolyn: My pleasure!

 

Mal: Awesome! Remember, folks! Pay attention to that intuition and it really comes more from here. What Carolyn is saying is it’s not the head. The head’s the ego, I’ve talked about that a lot. That’s what all the chatter is. Down here is where you get those really profound feelings that guide you.

 

Awesome lady! See you soon. Bye.

 

 

Meet Karen Frazier, Intuitive Energy Healer and Prolific Writer

If there was one thing you wanted to know more about, what would it be?  I’m starting to line up guests for the Awakening Divine Wildness Podcast for 2020 and your suggestions on topics that you love would really help me. I’ll have a drawing from the replies I receive and the winner will get a really awesome prize!

I feel honored to interview the guests I’ve had on the show. I’m enamored by their knowledge and talent. Each one of these women is living full out, sharing their unique gifts in sacred service as authors, coaches, therapists, and healers.

I love reading their books and researching the programs they teach. For the past several months I have been focusing on guests to discuss relationships, wellbeing and energy healing because I feel it is these three areas where women experience the greatest challenges. Honestly, I’m blown away by how much we can do for ourselves and balance our energy when we have the tools. When you’re humming along like a fine-tuned instrument, life is pretty freaking sweet.

I think the topic of energy is so important that I’m doing a deep dive in a year-long intensive to really understand chakra energy and full-spectrum healing. As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I’m going to the renowned Rhys Thomas Institute to do an in-depth program so that I can add to the other modalities I work with. I’m passionate about learning how to heal myself and others.

Yesterday, I did a healer share program where I did healings on three different people. All three were amazed at how they felt afterward. It is so gratifying to be able to do this type of work and see the results people have. I put so much of myself into it that today I’m in need of restoring my own energy. I’m feeling wiped out.  I need to learn to disconnect my energy better when I’m finished.

In researching some reading materials for my course, I came across a fabulous book, “The Little Book of Energy Healing” by Karen Frazier. It is jammed packed with technologies for healing body, mind and spirit

I devoured Karen’s book and the spectacular collection of healing technologies, daily routines and suggested tools to use.  Every day is laid out beautifully and it’s easy to implement. My kind of reading. I can’t recommend it highly enough if you want to start to delve into some self-healing in your life.

I loved the book so much that I immediately sent the author, Karen Frazier and invitation to be on the show.  She graciously accepted and she is this week’s guest.

Karin Frazier is a healer and the best-selling author of books about metaphysics, crystal healing, energy healing, dream interpretation, and the paranormal. As a professional writer, she has ghostwritten a number of books and penned hundreds of articles about a variety of topics. She is a columnist for Paranormal Underground Magazine. She currently writes two columns for the magazine: Dreams and Symbols and Metaphysics and Energy Healing. She is also the co-host of the Intention Is Everything Podcast

Karen is an intuitive energy healer who is a Reiki Ryoho Master-Teacher, certified animal Reiki Ryoho practitioner, crystal healing practitioner, sound healing practitioner, and an ordained minister for the International Metaphysical Ministry.

In this powerful interview, Karen shares some great strategies.

  • The power of surrender
  • What is sound healing and how to use it?
  • Creating a daily spiritual practice
  • Using animal Reiki

Here’s to turning up your divine vibration!


Listen to Awakening Divine Wildness by clicking on the audio player below.

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Read The Full Podcast Transcript

Mal: [00:00:05] As always, I am so thrilled when I get to talk about energy healing, crystals, meditation, tapping—all these modalities that I love and use. And today’s guest is an expert. I’ve just finished reading her yummy, yummy book! This is like the best because it tells you how to integrate and use all these fabulous tools we’re going to talk about.

Karen Frazier is the author of books about metaphysics, crystal healing, energy healing, dream interpretation and the paranormal. As a professional writer, she’s a ghostwriter as well for a number of books and has penned hundreds of articles for a variety of topics. She’s a columnist for “Paranormal Underground Magazine” and she currently writes two columns for two magazines, “Dreams and Symbols” and “Metaphysics and Energy Healing.”

[00:01:06] She is also the co-host of “The Intention is Everything” podcast. Karen is an intuitive energy healer, a reiki master, also a reiki master for animals, and does crystal healing practitioner, sound healing practitioner, and she is an ordained minister for the International Metaphysical Ministry. She holds a Bachelor of Metaphysical Science, a Master’s of Metaphysical Science, as well as a PhD in Metaphysical Parapsychology and she is currently working on her doctoral dissertation focusing on sound as a source of spiritual healing in order to earn her Doctor of Divinity in Spiritual Healing.

[Blowing sound] Wow girl! That’s a mouthful. That is a lot of accomplishment. Whoa! Okay!

So I loved your book. It’s absolutely wonderful, “The Little Book of Energy Healing”. It’s fabulous. However, you know, every guest that’s come on the show who’s fulfilling their purpose on this planet, doing this beautiful work the way you are, has had a journey to get here; has had challenges to get here; has to overcome things to get here. So share with us a little bit about your pathway up to this point of creating all these beautiful books and magazine articles and podcast.

Karen: [00:02:42] Sure! Well, so I actually grew up in the church; I grew up in a pretty strong Christian family here in the Pacific Northwest where I still live and I was always a very curious soul. And so, when other kids were buying into anything that they taught us inside the school, I was asking questions and having it gently suggested that maybe I shouldn’t.

And that didn’t sit well with me even when I was six or seven years old. And I was the kid who would lay awake in bed at night and kind of grip my hands on my blankets and stare up at the ceiling and contemplate things like infinity and the universe and what happens to…

[00:03:27] I was kind of born with this really curious soul and I like to have questions answered. And the more I asked questions, the more I realized there really aren’t any definitive answers to anything so I’ve had to create my own answers.

And when I was a young adult, I stepped away from the church and basically decided I was an atheist, which, by the way, is the phase that my 22-year-old son is currently in. So I recognize the phase because so far he’s following mine, pretty much right along the path.

And so I went through a phase where I was an atheist and then an agnostic and I didn’t believe anything, but I had always had things about me that were different than other people; things that were strange. I knew things. I saw things. I heard things. I felt things. And these weren’t necessarily normal things and for many, many years, they gave me a lot of anxiety and anger and frustration and fear because I didn’t understand what they were, but I knew that they weren’t okay based on the way that I have been raised in the church.

And so, I suppressed all of these parts of myself and really it just led to my life not being great and not being happy. And for the first, probably 35 years of my life, I did a pretty crappy job of stirring my life.

[00:04:54] I was divorced twice, I’m currently on my third marriage. I had my son when I was 30, and he sort of started to help flip things around for me because you have to sort of get your act together, right? But when I was in my, probably when I was about 33 or 34, I was going through my second divorce from my son’s father and it was a difficult one because he was a malignant narcissist, so that was really kind of tough.

But I was sitting there one day and I thought, “You know, I’m trying to stir my own ship and I’m not doing it well”, and I had followed a lot of things like I’d read a lot of things like “Conversations with God” by Neale Donald Walsch and some of the Abraham Hicks work, and you know, I mean, I’d read a lot of channeled materials—the Seth materials, the Emmanuel materials, things like that, and they really resonated with me, but I was trying to use some to control my life and to create this path I thought I wanted to be on, and what I realized is the things I was supposedly intentionally creating were not making me happy.

And so, I finally, one day, just like sort of in the midst of all of this chaos and turmoil that was my life, you know—hated my job, getting a divorce, had no money, you know, all of those things that we all go through, and I just thought, “That’s it, I’m done trying to figure this out on my own. I’m done trying to control this.” And at that moment, I actually surrendered to the universe and I said, “Okay, whatever this is, whatever these things I have going on in me, whatever these impressions that I get and these ideas that I get, and these voices I hear and these things I see, let those be for a purpose and let my purpose be whatever the universe intends for me. And so, essentially, I surrendered and that was when everything started to turn around, and that’s when I started to do this work.

Mal: [00:06:54] I love it! Surrender is a powerful process.

Karen: It’s a hard one because I tell you I’m a controller and a fighter.

Mal: Oh, you know, right in there! For me, it was 25 years of drinking and self-condemnation and bad choices and failed relationships, and once I surrendered, once I gave it all up and said, “I don’t have one more day in me to do this shit anymore”, everything changed.

Karen: Yeah.

Mal: I got this over like that. Life just became miraculous over a period of a couple of years, and I no longer feel like I have to control. I have so much trust that good things will come to me, as you said, the universe is going to deliver us. Gabby Bernstein says, “The universe has your back.” It does. It does.

Karen: It does and I had a friend… so once I had hit this surrender point, and that’s the dark knight of the soul’s what you’re talking about, and I think we all have to get before we surrender but if you read Byron Katie, for instance; Byron Katie was just in this mess and then one day she woke up and hardly knew who she was anymore, but it changed everything.

And so, I forgot what I started to say because I got into Byron Katie but…

Mal: But it’s about surrender and that willingness to say, “I can’t do it my way anymore.”

Karen: Yeah, and I will tell you what. I still thought it on and off for a few years but it was a turning point for me. I fought it in different ways and I still do. I mean, I still am a very questioning person. I still like to think that I’m driving my ship even though I know that I didn’t.

The other thing is once I had that surrender then maybe about a year or two later, I was talking to a very wise person in my life who I absolutely adore, and she said to me, I just have to ask myself if I believe that the universe is a benign place and if the universe is here to help or hurt. And I just can’t believe that the universe is here to hurt. And I haven’t looked back since then. But I did still flop around like a fish for a couple of years, but not as much as I had.

Mal: You got an awful lot of degrees, girl, so you didn’t do too much flopping around. I tell you, you’ve been very, very busy.

Karen: Well, I like to know stuff.

Mal: Obviously, but what really piqued my interest is you have gotten into this energy healing in such a big, big way and now, sound healing. I mean, I am so intrigued by that because I love crystal balls. I love going to a full moon gong. I just embrace all of that.

[00:10:04] So tell us a little bit about the sound healing that you’re now getting your doctoral in.

Karen: Sure. So, I believe that sound is sacred. I believe that everything around us is energy and this physical form that we take on is just an illusion. So we’ll start there.

I believe that we are… I mean, it’s been shown that all matter is just little vibrating strands of energy separated by vast distances and held in place by force fields. So that’s what you are, that’s what I am and we’re all made of the same stuff. And so, if that is the case, anything that can cause those particles to vibrate at a different frequency can change the nature of those particles. And so that includes sound because sound has frequency, light has frequency, color has frequency, and everything else.

And so I primarily… with the sound healing, I primarily work with ancient Tibetan singing bowls, which are beautiful. I have some modern ones and then I have some crystal balls, but I tend to be mostly drawn to the Tibetan instruments, which are made of the bronze, and so there’s the singing bowls and the gongs and they have bells and tingshas, and things like that.

The first time I struck one of those, there was something in me that just went [sigh of relief], and so I use the sound with everything else. So I don’t typically do any unless somebody asks me specifically on one modality. I don’t typically do my energy healing in isolation.

So somebody comes to me for a healing session, I’m going to use crystals and I’m going to use the bowls and the bells and the gong… well, I don’t have a gong right now, but it’s on the list. But the bowls and the bells and the tingshas, and all of those things, and I’m going to use reiki and I’m going to use things like tapping and EFT, and all of those things.

Anything I feel, and I am guided intuitively on how I use those, because that’s where my gifts come in, where I said I always felt these things I didn’t understand, I’m empathic and I used to think being empathic was a curse because you feel everybody’s everything, and I’m physically and mentally empathic. So if somebody’s with me and they don’t feel well physically, guess what? Neither do I.

And so, what I discovered is that in energy healing, I can use that not as something that is a negative but as something that can help people and create a higher vibration in the universe and then the rest of the time, when I am out in the real world, I can shut it down at least to a certain extent so that I’m functional.

Mal: I’m very sensitive to people’s emotional state. I can look right into their eyes and just feel where they’re at, and if they’re sad or grieving or feeling insecure, or low self-esteem, I feel that energetically, and I never understood that until recently—just in the last couple of years—that I was feeling other people’s stuff, and sometimes I take on their thoughts and I realize they’re not my thoughts, they’re their thoughts.

And so, it’s been fascinating to learn all of this because before, I thought there was something wrong with me and now I know, no, these are some kind of sensory gifts and you just have to understand them and work with them. Now, you mentioned several modalities, which you have in here, and you’ve got such wonderful, brief, easy to understand descriptions of how to tap, about bowls, about meditation. I just couldn’t believe the amount of information in here.

And then an entire summary of every chakra and the emotional, spiritual aspects, the crystals, the oils—everything to use and daily rituals. I mean, it just goes on and on. This is just one of the best books I’ve seen out there for somebody who’s starting this path of spiritual inquiry, wanting to use other tools that are going to help them to feel better and also to use those tools to help others to feel better. So it’s such a powerful book.

Karen: Thank you.

Mal: [00:14:41] What are your three favorites?

Karen: It depends on the day.

Mal: Forget it, totally.

Karen: Probably I use crystals every day. I use my sound tools every day. And if I don’t have my sound tools with me, I can use my voice or I can use apps on my phone, although I feel live vibrational stuff is better than earbud vibrational stuff. And then probably reiki. I teach reiki more than anything else because I use reiki as the platform for teaching energy healing as a whole. And so my reiki classes are quite different than other people who teach reiki.

I teach the things that you need to know for reiki, but I also teach the things you need to know to be a healer because I feel that’s really important.

Mal: Beautiful. When you’re talking about some of your sound tools, for someone who’s just starting out on this path that maybe, you know, can’t get a whole set of crystal balls, a whole set of… I have one singing bowl. Is there a specific note or range that that bowl should have for the beginner?

Karen: I don’t think so. I think what you do is you go… first of all, I think that you buy them in person instead of online.

Mal: Absolutely, absolutely. Yes.

Karen: Because there’s lots of places you can buy them online. And I think what you do is you go and you let the bowl choose you. That’s how all of the bowls have come to me. My very first bowl that I got was down in this little antique shop – a Tibetan antique shop in San Diego – in old town San Diego and it just… it chose me. And I believe that all of my tools—my bowls choose me, my bells choose me, my crystals choose me. We choose each other because there’s a resonance and a synergy there that we can work together.

And so I think what you do is you go into a shop and you close your eyes and just for a minute, feel, and then go in the direction you’re drawn and then play some of the bowls. Play them and see how they feel and, you want them to feel challenging but good.

Mal: That’s what I did. I wanted a Tibetan bowl in the worst way and I was in India and most of them were so huge and I said, “How am I going to get this home? This is not going to go well and it’s probably going to get dented and crashed.” So I waited ‘til I came home and I went to several shops and then I was in this one shop and I played four or five bowls, but I kept going back to one specific bowl. The sound, I could feel it in my heart. I could just feel this beautiful vibration in my heart when I played that bowl and I knew that was my bowl and I had to bring that one home.

Karen: I see and I think that’s right. I think more people need to trust that. That’s it, play several and you’ll know; there’s just this feeling inside of you that’s like, “Oh, it’s this one!” And that’s because it’s calling you; it’s choosing you.

Mal: [00:18:14] Yeah. I know. When you work with the crystals, because I love crystals, not as well-versed in them as you are by any means, is there a particular way to start? Is it putting them on the body? Is it just putting them in your energy field, you know, in your arm space? What do you recommend?

Karen: For starters, just have them in your space, and then think about wearing them as jewelry. And one of the easiest ways you can do it meditate with them. Hold them in your receiving hand, which is your non-dominant hand—so if you’re right-handed, it’s your left hand—and just hold them and close your eyes and just sort of connect into that crystal and feel it.

Mal: I’m actually putting my crystals out on Sunday for the New Moon to give them a cleaning, to give them a recharge. I have them on a Selenite strip, like a recharging strip, but I put them all out… I think my neighbor thinks I’m a little [00:19:24 naive] and I have them all out there, you know.

So I put them all out and get them charged in the moonlight or the New Moon and usually make a little… sometimes a bowl of moon water and then I’ll even put them in a separate container in the moon water just to get the vibration of that.

Karen: Yeah.

Mal: What is your daily practice like? Because I’m a strong believer that having a daily spiritual practice is the most empowering thing that we can do for ourselves as women and it changed my life completely. It has changed my business skills completely and every aspect of my life. Having a spiritual practice has made a dramatic change. So what is your practice like daily?

Karen: [00:20:18] Well, so for me, I believe in… so I used to be very, very formal and regimented by practice and I often, back in the day… I mean, look, I tried meditating when I was in my 20s, even when I was going through all of my stuff, and I resented it because I thought my mind never shuts up. I can’t sit here quietly. My meditations just never went well because they would be this.

I would think, “Okay, good. Look, thinking up nothing. Look at me, my mind is clear. This is so cool, my mind is clear!” Then I’d be like, “Oh crap!” And so I… for me, movement meditation is really what started to lead me into being able to engage in a daily practice. And now, my daily practice really varies based on the day. I give myself reiki every day. I spend time with my singing bowls and crystals every day even if it’s just for five minutes and then sometimes… then probably about four or five times a week, just depending on how much I’ve got going on in my life.

I will meditate to… and it really depends. I have to meditate with dogs. I have two small dogs. I have shut them out of this room that’s why they’re not here right now. So it’s varied over the years but right now, I mediate for probably about 30 minutes several times a week and I do that with crystals and a singing bowl; sometimes I’ll meditate with a prayer wheel—a Tibetan prayer wheel. So I use a lot of just different things. I just try to make sure that I set aside at least 10 minutes every day just for myself and I try to make it longer, although sometimes fell prey to how busy life is as well.

Mal: I have a meditation buddy also, an English Jack Russell Terrier, who… she’s 10 years old. She gets in my lap and she just throws her head back and she’s like on her back and her legs are just up, it’s hysterical. And sometimes I just take like a selfie of her in my lap and I’ll post it to Facebook and people just get hysterical. They’re like, “Oh my god, I don’t believe that dog!” She’s used to it. She knows I have this routine. And I give her her breakfast and she eats it fast and then runs so she can get into my lap when I’m settling in for some meditation.

Karen: Animals know. My dog, Monkey, she’s a little six pounds Brussels griffon, she’s very little. When she sees me doing reiki where she can reach, she will run and wiggle her paws underneath me or put her paw on top of my hands.

Mal: Love it. They know. They sense the vibe. They feel all that energy and the fact that you do reiki with animals, of course, you know, they know. I just write a book about doing reiki with animals and I was practicing on Hannah. She was a very, very good subject to work on. Loved it.

Karen: [00:23:24] Some of them like it and some of them don’t. So we used to have four dogs—two have died in the last couple of years because of just getting old—and one of the dogs that died, she would not have anything to do with it. The other one, the only time she only wanted to do anything to do with it was when he was super old and sick at the end, and I was actually giving him reiki when he died, which was I think a really special, connected moment. But my dog, Monkey, man! She wants it all the time.

Her little body fills up with it fast so it’s like a five-minute session because she’s just only six pounds. Oh, and I also drink crystal water so that’s part of my daily practice, too.

Mal: Ooh, girl, I love you because I’m looking at one of those. I want to get one with the rose quartz in it, and I just had an energy healing session done on myself yesterday by a woman that’s very well-known, Lisa Campion, very well-known in the reiki field and energy healing, and she had one with an amethyst and I said, “I want to get one of those with a rose quartz” so she was telling me where she got hers. What do you have?

Karen: Mine is one of the gem water bottles and it’s got rose quartz and amethyst and clear quartz in it.

Mal: Oh, it’s called gem water. I’ll have to write that. Website or…?

Karen: Yeah, just type gem water.

Mal: Right, terrific, because that’s becoming more recognized as something to do with putting it into your body…

Karen: Yes, and I like it because it’s enclosed in a glass pod. I know that quartz-based crystals aren’t going to leech anything, but I just feel like if you’re putting crystal stuff in your mouth, it should probably be just the energy and not the crystals.

Mal: Exactly, yeah! No, I want something contained as well.

Karen: Yeah.

Mal: Well, you, Karen, you’re just a breath of fresh air. You’ve just got so many skills and so many gifts that you’re bringing to the people that you work with. How can the audience find you? Give them your website, your domain address, and also if you have any free downloads or meditations or anything on your site, also please point that out.

Karen: I do have a couple actually. So my website is KarenFrazier.com. So on Facebook, you ca find me under Author Karen Frazier. And then for Twitter and Instagram it’s like Author K Fraz or something like that because it was short. And on my website, I actually do have… if you go to the Meditation tab, I do have some guided meditations that I’ve put in there and then there’s also a list of all of the books that I’ve written, the ones that are coming out.

Mal: Well, I have thoroughly enjoyed this. I’m doing a workshop next week and I’m working with these women on self-love so we’re going to be doing the Thunderbolt Mudra. I love that. Beautiful.

Karen: Oh, I love Mudras. Yeah.

Mal: Yeah. And can’t say the Indian name for the life of me, the Vajra, Pradama, Mudra, but Thunderbolt works for me. Yeah. So just for the audience, if you’re going to treat yourself to one book on energy healing and techniques, and something so simple with just the most beautiful layout of… it’s like a mini textbook on how to do all this stuff. I just can’t recommend it enough. “Energy Healing Techniques” by our wonderful guest today, Karen Frazier.

Thank you, lady, so much for being on today. I have just love being with you!

Karen: Thank you for having me.

Mal: Oh, bless you, girl. Wonderful. Thanks again!

SHOW NOTES:

[00:00:05] Introduction of guest – Karen Frazier, author of books about metaphysics, crystal healing, energy healing, dream interpretation and the paranormal. A professional writer and a ghostwriter as well for a number of books and articles.

[00:02:42] Karen shares her story on how she came to where she is today.

[00:06:54] Mal and Karen talks about the power of surrender.

[00:10:04] Discussion on sound healing, what it is and how it is used.

[00:14:41] Karen shares her favorites in her field.

[00:20:18] Karen tells about her various daily meditation practice/routine.

[00:23:24] A brief discussion on animal reiki.

The Power of Compassionate Listening with Kim Von Berg, Relationship Expert and Love Coach


The other day I was reading a fascinating article about communicating. I think when women know how to really communicate who they are and what they want, they become unstoppable.

Unfortunately, many of you are not really well versed and comfortable in your delivery. To be honest, I’m still working on this myself. I wasn’t raised in an environment where I frequently talked about what I was thinking or feeling.

A tool that I’m using to help me is to be a better listener. You are naturally meant to listen more than to just talk non-stop. If you stay really present and practice compassionate or empathetic listening, you will become a better communicator. All the extra fluff words that women use in speaking that aren’t really necessary will start to be eliminated from your delivery. Women add a lot of emotional or descriptive words to what they say, while men are very direct and to the point.

Have you ever had a man say, what are you trying to say? Just get to the point! That’s why you have two ears and one mouth. You need to listen more before speaking. Compassionate listening can be a spiritual practice-really fine-tuning your attention to what someone else is expressing. When your attention is fully engaged, you speak with so much more authority and power.

Kim Von Berg, this week’s guest on the Awakening Divine Wildness podcast, talks about this in detail. Kim thinks the number one reason for crappy relationships is because you don’t know how to communicate. When you learn to speak the same language as your partner, you can connect at a deeper level. Through empathetic listening, you can learn how someone else is communicating with you. You literally “tune in” to them.

As an authority in empowered relationships, Kim is a sought-after speaker, trainer, and coach, who assists clients toward a life of positive communication and fulfilling relationships – incorporating her extensive training in emotional wellness, intimacy, attachment theory, multiple healing modalities, and healthy relationship skills. In this show, she gives the audience some powerful tips on how to create more loving relationships.


Points Covered in this episode

The culprit to women’s relationship dilemma – the feeling of unworthiness that leads them to tolerate every bad situation.

How men and women communicate differently and how these can both come to an understanding of the male/female communication perspective through empathetic listening looking after the “wounded child”.

How to solve communication problems that stem from the wounded child.

Key points from the ‘Calling in “The One”’ 8-week program by Katherine Woodward Thomas.

How people mirror their energy of self-love to attract events in their lives.

 

I think a lot of chaos, and conflict can be eliminated in our lives when we know how to communicate effectively.


Listen in or read the full transcript below!


Listen to Awakening Divine Wildness by clicking on the audio player below.

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Read The Full Podcast Transcript

Mal Duane Interviews Kim Von Berg, Founder of Thriving Loving Relationships

[00:00:03]

Mal: I just love having relationship experts on the show because it is our most favorite topic. And I got a girl today coming out of Monterey, California and she has got it going on. She knows what she’s doing. You google her and the first thing you’re going to see is “Relationship Expert” and “Love Coach”. And this week’s guest is Kim Von Berg, and Kim specializes in healthy romantic partnership, and her business, “Thriving Loving Relationships” has been flourishing since 1997. You know, California’s all about love out there.

As an authority in empowered relationships, Kim is a sought-after speaker, trainer, and coach who assists clients towards a life of positive communication and fulfilling relationships, incorporating her extensive training in emotional wellness, intimacy, attachment theory, multiple healing modalities, and healthy relationship skills. She’s a communications specialist with a Master’s Degree in Humanistic Psychology as well as being certified by the International Coach Federation, and she’s also trained by one of my favorite ladies in the program called, ‘Calling in “The One”’.

She has been certified and trained by bestselling author, Katherine Woodward Thomas. And, in addition, she’s a California credential teacher and certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

Girl, you’ve got enough credentials here. This is going to be good!

[00:01:50]

Kim: Oh, wow! I am excited to be here. Wow, thank you. I feel very honored that you’ve invited me to join your fabulous podcast! Oh my gosh!

Mal: Thank you. You know I have fun with it. I love meeting all these women. Having them all bring this juicy content and lessons and healing modalities and their wisdom to the listeners.

You know, I have to keep reminding our listeners that all of the guests have gone through some kind of journey, a challenge… you know, fallen down into a deep dark hole and gotten back up. They all have a story, but that story has inspired them to do the work today and to serve the people they’re serving. So Kim, give us a little history. Dial us back a bit as to what inspired your work today.

Kim: Oh my gosh! Well, I have… I’m going to do, of course, the shortened version, but I’m going to share. It’s kind of a two-part thing why I actually work with both couples and singles. So there’s two parts to that.

When I got with my spouse many years ago, it was a rocky road and it looked like we weren’t going to make it. So we tried this and that.

We went to marriage and family therapies, and we were both headstrong people. And long story short, we found this amazing communication mentor and we ended up training with her and we were so inspired with how those particular skills completely transformed our relationship that we started our own business.

We co-began our own business, “Thriving Loving Relationships”. This was years ago.

And then my spouse got cancer and passed away in 2008. So since then, before, everything was focused on any relationship. It was couples. It was parent-teen. It was everything. We tried to help everybody that had challenges in their relationship, but after my spouse passed away, I had such an experience of really deep… I call it divine love. It was so amazing that experience of, you know, the dying process and all that.

I got inspired to focus on romance and I really wanted to focus on that. I also wanted to find a new beloved after the whole grieving process and I was having a hard time in my 50s, you know, early 50s. I was just like “wow this is… here I am, a relationship expert and I’m struggling with dating” and this is like tough… and I made all the wrong, you know, the mistakes, the classic mistakes. Getting involved too quickly, blah, blah, blah.

And I found Katherine Woodward Thomas, you know, at her work in ‘Calling in “The One”’. She also is famous for “Conscious Uncoupling”. Anyway, so I ended up getting to train with her personally in her private coaching. You need to be certified as a ‘Calling in “The One”’ coach.

[00:05:09] And so that’s kind of another avenue that’s been born of helping singles and I call it kind of the deep work. It isn’t so much dating per se, you know. I have a whole litany of people I’d refer for the dating apps, but it’s more of the internal work, which I needed.

You know, it completely transformed what I do even in my work with couples. So that’s the short story.

Mal: I think that we have to be the foundation for creating a loving, romantic relationship for somebody else, but it starts within us. We got to have our shit together. And if we don’t, then we get into the process of just repeating over and over and over the same mistake, you know, with failed relationships. I wrote about it in my book. There are love personalities, we all have them. We keep doing the same thing. We have the same perception every time we look at somebody, and we’re going to learn what those things are and get rid of them because it’s outdated data

Kim: Yes, absolutely! I so agree with you. It goes even… what you teach in your book, which I adore, it’s like I have a slight nuance that takes that even slightly deeper than that, which is that I’ve learned this. I had to learn this the hard way. It’s that not only do we have this love stories that keep repeating bad patterns but we also just go around believing that we’re unlovable.

We have these core beliefs about our own selves and it ends up creating a whole world of experience in love and even in our whole lives, not just our love lives. If we believe that we’re unlovable, we’re going to keep attracting people that reinforce that. Or if we believe that we’re always going to be alone, we’ll always attract the people that will definitely reinforce that we will be alone because they’re going to leave or they’re going to reject us, or whatever the deal is.

Mal: [00:07:25] And I think the big one is that women don’t feel worthy so they tolerate the worst behavior. They tolerate infidelities. They tolerate lies, you know, abusive verbal behavior because they don’t feel worthy. And there’s nothing further for them to lose.

Kim; Absolutely.

Mal: If we don’t call somebody on the carpet for this stuff, who will? We’ve got to say, “Look it!” And be very clear about what our needs are, how we expect to be treated and, you know, what’s okay and what’s not okay. But most women don’t do that.

Kim: Yes, you know, the way I see it is there are two things. I have this amazing program that kind of got borne out of all this called, “Three Steps to Create an Extraordinary Relationship”. And it’s like this duo thing where it’s both the internal, maybe the healing work we need to do, why we’ll settle for the kinds of things you’re describing. You know, why is that? And that’s like the internal healing work and then there’s also just relationship skills.

Most of us, we don’t know how to communicate our needs. We don’t know how to set boundaries in a loving way that doesn’t damage the relationship, you know. We don’t have those basic foundational skills so it’s a duo thing that I really embrace both, because you can’t just to and take a bunch of communication seminars but you don’t do your internal work, that’s just sort of like, you know… it’s not going to work. So you have to do both.

Mal: Oh, I’m a big, big proponent of internal work. I mean, that’s really how I transformed my life from addiction, depression, self-condemnation to surviving the failure of a marriage. It’s really the internal work that has been the guardian angel that’s kind of guided me to make the right choices and to really come back whole and strong.

Kim: [00:09:39] Yeah, you are a walking example of this. I’ve been watching you. You’re amazing. Yeah. If anyone wants to know that this stuff works, they just look at Mal.

Mal: It really does work. You mentioned several times communication. It is so important because men and women communicate differently. How do you teach them to get on the same page?

Kim: I love that. Well, okay, so I’m not one of the experts that focuses on the male/female differences, which gosh, there’s so many beautiful experts out there. But really, what I focus on is the essence of commonality and that place where there is no male/female; it’s where we’re one and that comes with empathetic listening where we can recognize that.

So I usually start with that; it’s teaching that skill. Believe it or not, most of us don’t know how to listen very well. You know, we just don’t. So there’s a skillset to teach around that and slowing things down a lot of times because if there’s an argument, and believe me, I see this a lot in couples, they come to see me, everyone has their part that they want to be heard on and the other one wants theirs.

So if we slow it down, and I teach them how to stop their part of it and turn the focus on the other person, you would not believe the miracles I see. You know, people are ready to get divorced, but then when they learn that skill alone, how to be present with the other, it calms everything down to where each person can hear each other’s heart and have some empathy around it and then you can start shifting into problem-solving and how to get each other’s needs met and all the kinds of things, and maybe boundaries need to be set on both parts, or whatever else needs to be brought in to the picture.

Mal: [00:11:58] Don’t you think it’s a common complaint for women that they say, “He doesn’t hear me. He doesn’t listen to me”?

Kim: Yes.

Mal: Yeah, it’s a big one.

Kim: I hear that all the time.

Mal: Yeah. And you know, it’s true. We need to listen. And I also believe that we really need to know what we want. I see that women spend more time picking out a pair of shoes and a handbag than they do a man. You know, they research; they look; they shop for a pair of shoes than they do trying to find the right partner.

Kim: Yes that’s so true. I think what your point is about when women say, because I hear that a lot, “He doesn’t listen to me”, what I find… because I watch carefully because I also am trained in non-verbal body language because we speak… our words are only about 10% – people have their different percentages – 3% to 10% of our actual message. And the rest is our body language, our tone of voice, and so you learn to pay attention to that and I’ll watch a guy – a husband and wife – and that she’s trying to communicate her thing and you just see him starting to glaze over because women use too many words and they don’t know how to get to the point men know…

I said I’m not an expert but I’m just talking about my experience. Men tend to get right to the point and so they don’t understand when a woman’s like, “Well, then this happen and then…” you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then finally 20 sentences later, they get to the point of what they want, you know. And by then, he’s gone, you know, he’s checked out.

So I think it’s like if a woman really learns how to pay attention to her husband or beloved and really see what they’re… you can tell when they start to glaze over because she’s using too many words. So if she stopped and reflect it, “This is starting to get uninteresting for you.” “Yeah,” blah, blah, blah, “you’re talking too much”.

So meaning if there’s a real tuning in, then there’s going to start to be real communication with each other.

Mal: Do you teach your clients NLP as a form of understanding one another when they are communicating? Do you get them to dabble in that or just more empathetic listening?

Kim: Yeah, I do all kinds of… I have a huge tool basket, you know. So NLP, where I bring that in is usually more kind of the – what do you say it is – unconscious part of things. It’s sort of the part that you could sometimes call hypnotherapy, but it’s tapping into other parts that we’re not conscious of because we all have many parts to us. So that’s where I bring in NLP.

NLP has many applications, but that’s how I use it because sometimes there’s a part of us that’s operating that we’re not conscious of. And then I bring in also some of the work, which [00:15:27 dubs/adapts] really well with NLP. There’s a process that Katherine Woodward Thomas teaches in her work which is called, “True You Awakening”.

So a lot of times, when people are in a fight – let’s say they’re arguing – there’s usually a part coming out that’s really young and wounded and it’s starting to run the show and then suddenly you have two little… here you got people in their 50s but they’re at their 3-year-old level, suddenly you have 3-year-olds fighting. So there’s no adult on board.

So there’s a process to help people recognize that’s what’s going on and bring in their adult part and sort of be there for their 3-year-old because in relationships, we often expect our spouse or our beloved to take care of our little 3-year-old who’s having a temper tantrum or is horribly wounded about something and it’s really our responsibility, not our spouse’s or beloved’s, to take care of that wounded 3-year-old. I say 3-year-old, but it could be many ages.

Mal: [00:16:39] That’s a brilliant concept because I think ultimately, every time we get into an altercation, it is that wounded child that comes up and starts screeching.

Kim: Absolutely.

Mal: It’s triggered something that’s maybe really doesn’t have anything to do with today, but an old wound that is now being recharged, reopened, and whoof! Yeah.

Kim: Yeah, and I think the point for me is that we never fully heal everything, 100%, so there’s always going to be… I think it gets less and less the more we do the kind of work you’re describing, but you’re always going to have a part that sometimes gets triggered but the idea is that you develop a loving adult part of you who can be there to comfort that part and recognize that that part is starting to take over.

You know, because a lot of us, unless we do this kind of work that you’re describing – this inner work – we’re not even conscious that suddenly the 3-year-old is the only one in charge. You know, and it’s like making a lot of mistakes and it could ruin a relationship or check out or, you know, completely give up our needs or all the things you were saying, but we need a loving adult on board to go, “You know that’s really not okay what you just did. You know, you need to speak up for yourself.”

Or, well, you’re just melting on the floor in a temper tantrum. You know, you might want to get some control, let me come comfort you, and then we’ll come back and take a time out and we come back and then I can talk, you know, civilly.

Mal: Another brilliant idea is take a time out when you’re in a heated situation with a loved one, a partner. Sometimes, as you just said, step back. Take five minutes. Process. Figure out “where is all the emotion coming from?” Is it anything that’s really happening at this very moment or is it an old wound that’s being opened up that that wounded child is kicking and screaming?

Someone pointed that out to me when I was going through all my own trauma and said, “You know Mal, there’s a lot of wounded child in what you’re talking about. You need to tell that little child that you’ve got this and you’re going to take care of her and you’re just so on top of this and there’s nothing to worry about.” And I didn’t realize it until she said it to me. Wow!

Kim: What a wonderful friend to tell you that!

Mal: One of my spiritual teachers, and she said, “A lot of this is a really wounded child here. Nurture that. Sit with it. Hug her. Reassure her that you’re going to protect her that nothing’s going to happen to her.” And boy, did it calm everything down! It was great advice.

Kim: I love that. And also a lot of times when that 3-year-old or that wounded part of us is reacting if we can step back, like you said, a time out or something, and go inside and really hear where she’s coming from, what you realize is sometimes she’s operating from some false beliefs. You know, like, “He said that so that must mean he doesn’t love me” and it may not even be true. So that part of us needs the loving part of us that says, “You know, sweetie, that’s not actually true. What’s really true is he said something not that nice but he’s in his own stuff. It has nothing to do with you.” Do you see what I mean?

It’s like bringing in… recognizing where there might be some false beliefs and letting her know what’s really true.

Mal: Yes. How do you get “partners”, a couple let’s say, or this even applies to singles, very clear about what they want in another person or what they want in that relationship because I see that most people don’t know what they want?

Kim: [00:20:58] Oh, that’s a great point you have there. Well, I mean, when I start working with singles, I do the ‘Calling in “The One”’. I love doing the ‘Calling in “The One”’ 8-week program.

Mal: Tell us more about that because I don’t know it in depth. I just know that Katherine Woodward Thomas created it. I’m very familiar with her “Conscious Uncoupling”. People are using that now. I mean, way beyond Gwyneth Paltrow.

Kim: Yes.

Mal: The founder of “Mind Valley”, Vishen, he just recently consciously uncoupled from his wife and talks about the process. So I love her work. So tell me about the ‘Calling in “The One”’. What are some of the pointers there that the audience can use?

Kim: Oh my gosh! Well, do we have an hour? No, I’m just kidding. But I’ll do my best to do a synopsis. So, you know, the work of probably both ‘Calling in “The One”’ and “Conscious Uncoupling” is she has some basic premises that it is born from and one of the main ones is that we are the source of what we are experiencing.

So if you really, really, really embrace that, you realize that even if you had something as horrible as what happened to you, like somebody betraying you or something, they could be 97% responsible for bad behavior but we look at our 3%. So a lot of times, it’s embracing that and you do it with tenderness and love. We’re not saying, “You caused this” or you know, it’s not about blame and shame. It’s about lovingly recognizing our 3% or whatever our percent is and then seeing how we can transform that. And like you said, as far as recognizing what do we really want? And a lot of people, like you said, they don’t even have a clue what a healthy relationship is. So that’s something from my 25 years of doing this so I sort of incorporate into the ‘Calling in “The One”’ as well, and part of ‘Calling in “The One”’ is visioning, but there’s a little education as far as, “What is a healthy relationship?”

So helping people really know what that is and go for it. Go for finding someone who has the capacity to create a beautiful, healthy relationship with. So ‘Calling in “The One”’ is sort of the premises and knowing what you really want, evolving that and doing some visioning work, which I guess you could sometimes call the love-attraction type, but it’s a little more sophisticated because it brings in psychology and healing as well.

And then from there, it’s really about recognizing that true you and where we’ve been operating from kind of a faults place if we’ve always believed we’re unlovable, like recognizing that that’s what we believed and that’s what we were creating. So there’s a process that… by the way, she’s writing a new book [00:24:14 inaudible] but she’ll announce that herself.

I’m in a pilot program of hers called “True You Awakening”, which is week 3 of ‘Calling in “The One”’ but it’s the whole idea of recognizing where have we been believing? What kind of beliefs have we been operating from that have been unconscious and that recreate unhappy experiences in love? And then we step into the true—the truth of who we are, which is beautiful.

We’re lovable. We’re magnificent beings and start to operate from that place and what would that look like? And sometimes people have no clue what that looks like. What does that look like if you’re lovable? What does that look like if you believe you’re intelligent and beautiful?

So then, it’s like helping the clients understand what that looked like and how they would live their lives that way because we need to be the person who we want to attract. We need to be that person first. And so, ‘Calling in “The One”’ is that process and then it’s becoming magnetic to love. So the last part of ‘Calling in “The One”’ is learning how do you become magnetic to love?

Mal: [00:25:36] I think we mirror out that energy when we have self-love, when we feel we’re worthy, when women really embrace that they’re just divine beings and they’re here to be loved. And when we put that energy out that’s what we get back. But again it goes back to the inner work of clearing the crap out. The old thinking. The old ways and key point that you said was taking ownership.

I talked about that in my new book. We are half of an equation. When you’re in a relationship, you’re half of an equation. There’s responsibility. You made your choices that put you in that relationship or marriage or whatever. You chose that person. We have to take responsibility and when we do, then we’re not a victim to anybody’s behavior, what anybody does. We own our part in it. That is the game-changer.

Kim: Absolutely.

Mal: Oh, I love it. I could talk about it all day. I love it, I love it.

Kim: Yes, when I started looking at your work, I was like, “Oh my god, it’s like she took ‘Calling in The One’”.

Mal: And I didn’t know what it was about, but you know, when you get older, you get wiser. And when you get hit on the head a lot, you start to pay attention. My wisdom comes from making the biggest mistakes.

Kim: Me too!

Mal: Life has been my greatest teacher. And my most painful experiences are where I’ve had the most profound lessons.

Kim: Very true. Me too. Well, I think that’s true for most people. Yeah.

Mal: [00:27:21] So, you have a wonderful free gift on your website for the audience and I would love you to tell them about it.

Kim: I actually have several but I have just put up one knowing I’m going to do this interview with you. So it’s right there when you go right to ThrivingLovingRelationships.com. It just pops… we have it like a pop-up so it’s like in your face. It’s a gift where you get to take a little bit of a test to… because this is one of the components that is part of ‘Calling in “The One”’. It is your self-love and it’s a bit of an educational, there’s a short talk and then there’s an assessment as far as “where’s your self-love at?” And then there’s points to recognize what you could actually improve upon. So it’s all about self-love.

Mal: I love it. I love it, girl! I love it. I’m all about self-love. That’s like yes!

Kim, thank you so much. You are a delight. Please tell the audience how they can get in touch with you.

Kim: Well, of course, you can go to my website, ThrivingLovingRelationships.com, and then check out, because I have quite a few free things, not just that one. If you go to the free page, but also Contact page, you could access me in many ways. And I usually create, if I have the time, I will create… you can sign up to have like a 20-minute to 30-minute talk with me to see if we would work together. So if I have the time in the month, I will create space to have a conversation with you and you’ll see a way to sign up for that in my website. Yeah.

Mal: Awesome! It’s been wonderful to spend this time with you today. Thank you for being with us.

Kim: I’ve really enjoyed it and I feel very honored to be here so thank you!

Mal: Thank you. I hope that we’ll be doing this again, girl.

Kim: Okay, thank you, Mal!

Mal: Bless you!

Kim: Bye-bye.

 

Meet Dr. Dana Marrocco, Author of The Top Ten Lies We Tell Ourselves

 

 

Do you wake up some days feeling like you’re getting out of the wrong side of the bed?

In full transparency, I can create some pretty scary things and batshit ideas all in my own little head. In spite of a thirty-year spiritual practice, I can fall off the wagon and hit the ground hard.

However, when I take this unexpected spiral down into the depths of my own craziness, I have some great tools for a quick recovery. One of my favorites is “A Course in Miracles”. I’m not the only one that loves it. Most of your favorite NYT bestselling authors like Gabby Bernstein, Danielle Laporte, and Marianne Williamson frequently refer to A Course in Miracles.

This channeled text which has become a frequent buzz word today is one of the very first to have been a divine download and transcribed from 1965-1972. I started reading the course in 1990. The book (usually navy blue) has the text and a daily lesson. It’s uncanny how the lessons will be so applicable for the struggles you may be experiencing.

The primary teaching of the book is nothing real can be threatened. “Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.” If you are not at peace, you must be thinking wrongly. You have the power to change your thoughts, especially when you come from love and not the fear that the ego creates. When you don’t feel good-you’re not connected to love!

I often talk about that nasty little voice in your head that is always condemning everyone and everything. The voice that continually tells you what you should do. That is your ego. I know you’ve heard it and if you’re like me, probably way too much. These negative thoughts are what create your reality. So, do you want to live in a shit storm or step into a life of love and peace?

I have had several guests on Awakening Divine Wildness this year that have been teachers of this course because I think it is so important to your personal development. You keep thinking that people and the things around you need to change when actually it is your thoughts that need to. Let go of the judgment of others and learn to forgive yourself as well as others. Fear is something you create and think up, love is your divine essence. You, my little pumpkin are pure love. That is the key to what’s real and unreal.

The more you can stay connected to love, the more grace and abundance you will have!

My guest, Dr. Dana Marrocco has been a teacher of A Course in Miracles for many years. She has taken some of the most powerful lessons from her psychology teachings and the course to create her wonderful book, The Top Ten Lies We Tell Ourselves. We discuss three of the 10 lies in this episode of Awakening Divine Wildness. You can reach Dana at www.drdanamarrocco.com

 

Lesson 10 – The need to be right. Would you rather be right or be happy?

Lesson 4 – People who can hold onto a grudge. Why do you define yourself by your grievances? 

Lesson 3 – Reacting out of fear. You have two teachers you can listen to – Fear or Love.

 

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Meet Vera Ventura, Yogini and Mindfulness Educator

She is going to teach us about being more mindful using technology and social media.

Vera Ventura was born in Miami Florida and moved to NYC at 14 to live with her sister and study acting. City living exposed more to her in the next 4 years than she could ever imagine. She held many jobs and learned the value of hard work and perseverance.

Vera attended Skidmore College and designed her own major: visual anthropology. While in college, she traveled and lived abroad in London and India. While in India, she was drawn to the practice of yoga.

After graduation, she moved to Boston and started her first company, Veracious Productions where she produced and edited documentary films and weddings. During that time she had a profound spiritual awakening that stopped her from consuming anything that was mood-altering, including flour and sugar. She started practicing meditation daily.

Knowing that the lifestyle of a documentary filmmaker was not stable and consistent, she started teaching filmmaking and pursued her Masters in Education Technology at Harvard University, while continuing to run her business.

In 2012, Vera became a certified yoga teacher, mindfulness educator and balanced her time between the healing arts while maintaining her job in the visual arts.

Currently, Vera leads workshops and teaches Mindfulness and Yoga.

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3 Ways to Stop People Pleasing in Relationships

Are you guilty of being a people pleaser, stepping over your own values and accepting inappropriate behavior just to keep peace?

I know I have in the past. I was thinking this morning how women have been conditioned to put their needs aside and make other people’s desires more important than their own. I know it’s easy to think you’re being generous but it’s really about being a “GIVER”, one of the personalities I write about in Broken Open: Embracing heartache and Betrayal as Gateways to Unconditional Love. 

Givers are one of four different personalities with Love Stories that I discuss and one that I am personally familiar with. 

 Givers develop an understanding of how to get and give love when they’re small children learning from their parents and other adults around them. Very quickly they learn that love is conditional. If I do that, you will love me.

If I don’t do that, you will tell me I’m wrong, and you’ll withhold love.

So of course, you formulate early on it’s better to give, and give and give in order to get. Love is conditional. This become your love story and the lenses with which you see love.

You grow up and continue to use the same old lenses in your current relationships. It’s like using old data to evaluate a current situation. It’s not effective. 

I’ll cover the other personalities in another blog.

The Giver is the one that is most prevalent.

You always feel like you have to “earn” love and overcompensate to keep it.

Here are 3 ways to break this destructive pattern:

  1. Look at your relationships and see where you have sacrificed your own needs on the altar of love.
  2. Start to put attention on your needs and how you are able to fulfill them.
  3. Recognize when you are making a choice that goes against your values and stop and reassess.

Any old negative pattern can be changed once you aware that you are doing it. It’s like cleaning your house once you know where the dirt is. ?

You came to this planet, a clean slate untouched by human opinions and then you meet your parents!

I’m not saying they’re not good people, but they have their own opinions and perceptions on how things should be done that they got from their parents.

It’s time for you to create your story the way it feels right for you.

Do you identify as a GIVER?  Comment below and share your thoughts!

3 Ways to Cool It (When You Feel Like a Fire-Breathing Dragon)

    Are you a mother or a fur baby mommy? 

    Children and pets are so precious and wonderful additions to our lives.

    However, have you ever felt like some days you want to hide?

    It’s normal.

    Maternal responsibilities are huge and require discipline and patience. I know many women that can honestly admit they have days where they feel like they’re ready to jump off a cliff.

    My own precious little Hannah can have her moments, especially during thunderstorms where she is bouncing off the walls and barking non-stop. It is so upsetting for me to watch. But if I overreact and seem agitated, it only compounds the situation. I think kids respond the same way. 

    So, what can you do when your little dragon is breathing hot fire down your back?

    Step back and take a pause- a moment for you to breath, re-center and collect your thoughts.

    Here are 3 ways to cool it when you feel like a fire-breathing dragon:


  1. Physically step backwards a foot or two, you’re moving yourself out of heated energy
  2. Do some deep breathing, maybe for a minute or two. Just make sure the inbreath and outbreath are equal and slow.
  3. Think about desired optimal results before re-engaging the conversation. It re-centers you into a higher vibration, where you can be more effective.

    4.  

    It can be really easy to lose it and scream but we both know that doesn’t work well and makes you feel like shit.

How do YOU slow down when you feel like torching everyone in sight?
Comment below and share! 


3 Tips for Healing After Emotional Turmoil

I am feeling so much love for all the women who have trusted me and purchased Broken Open. 

Every word, every lesson in the book is intended to lift you up from feelings of unworthiness and heartache.

Emotional pain is a very strong energy that can consume you without you really being aware.

It slowly sucks the life out of you and then ultimately,  your ability to make rational decisions.

You end up being triggered, highly reactive and making poor choices.

Decisions driven by anger and resentment get you more of the same. It’s a vicious cycle. In the book I offer many practices to help you recognize when you are stuck in that dark place and things to do to get out of it. 

You never want to make big decisions while under the throes of emotional craziness.

Step back, breath and take some time to reconnect with your body and get out of your screaming head. 

Put your hands over your heart and tell the wounded little girl inside you that you have got this. 

Let her know there is nothing to fear.

Sadly, you can’t change a situation after you have blurted out in anger your irrational demands.

After the book launch, I went straight to Kripalu to decompress from all the magnificent energy of birthing Broken Open,  I spent the weekend in a class with one of my favorites, Matt Kahn who teaches love heals everything. 

Here are  few of his key takeaways:  

3 Tips for Healing After Emotional Turmoil

  1. You can’t create healing for yourself when you're stuck in judgment
  2. If you don’t have what you want, it must not be what you need.
  3. When you take time to love yourself, you have that much more to give to the world.

What do you think of his tips? Comment below and share! 

 

5 Ways to Heal Stronger After Heartbreak

In my darkest moments, I never envisioned that I would write a book.

When I was in the midst of the massive shit storm I experienced, I never imagined what the future could bring, least of all a new book.

Some days it was hard to just get out of bed.

Early on I was in my “why me”, victim mentality mindset.

I had covered over my feelings for so long that it was now time to be honest about what I was feeling.

However, I didn’t stay there too long because it didn’t seem to help.

I knew my heart was broken. What was I going to do? 

That question seemed so overwhelming at first but as the days went by and I kept asking myself, what can I do…an awful lot of answers started showing up. 

That was the beginning of the arduous journey of moving from the darkest day in my life to healing my shattered heart.

The more I questioned myself, the more truth I uncovered about me.

 I realized I had buried so many things in my life that potentially impacted how I looked at my marital situation now. I had old beliefs, old love stories that were judging my current experience.

Looking to myself for attainable solutions was the wisest thing I did.

Expecting someone else to do something, to make me feel better, to make things right - was a losing proposition.

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Broken Open: Embracing Heartache and Betrayal as Gateways to Unconditional Love is a powerful guide showing you how to heal your heart. Through the process of self-inquiry, I discovered a pathway to healing my heart and so you can you...

5 Ways to Heal Stronger After Heartbreak 

  1. Ask yourself the tough questions to get to and uncover your truth.
  2. Take small actionable steps to strengthen yourself.
  3. Remember, you are not the experience-it has no bearing on your value as a woman
  4. Someone else’s actions are about the void in them
  5. Forgiveness is the only path to freedom

Meeting so many women who were suffering from betrayal and heartache inspired me to do the deep work so that I could find a way to heal ourselves.

My greatest wish is that you find wholeness and happiness again or share it with a friend in need.  It is possible…I am living proof.

How has heartbreak made YOU stronger?  Comment below and share your story!

 

The Important Trick for Manifesting Your Desires

You have desires, I have desires.

Are they based on real needs or just egoic wants?

How attached are you to the outcome of your desires?

 Will you be disappointed if you don’t get your desires or surrender to the idea of a greater plan at work here for the highest and best for everyone. The more questions I asked myself, the deeper I went in putting the pieces together of a puzzling concept of desires.

Do your desires come from your heart or your head? 

The truth is they come from both.

Heart’s desires which feel more inspirational are value based and usually involve service to others.

Desires from your head are inherently more materialistic and less altruistic, they focus on your needs.

Desires that are less about immediate gratification but more about long term fulfillment bring a higher-level of reward or happiness. 

Material or self-centered desires can have a less success and bring more unhappiness or deep disappointment if they don’t happen.

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The big lesson here is to be very clear on your desires.

Here are some journaling prompts to help you get clear on your desires:

  • Why do you want what you desire?
  • What is the part of you that is wanting it? (head or heart)
  • Who will benefit from your desire?
  • How will you feel if you don’t get it?

If you answer these questions honestly, you will know if you must have it.

It also gives you an opportunity to reframe or modify what you are putting out for the Universe to deliver.

Being very clear about the ability to get it or let it go so you don’t end up disappointed, can be very helpful in the manifesting process.

The less attachment, the easier it is for the Universe to deliver. Remember asking for similar or something better leaves you with many more options.

Having a methodical and confident way to look at your desires will save a lot of disappointment in the future. Remember, disappointment is a result of your attachment to outcome or failed expectations.

Continue to dream big my lovely and may all your desires come through.

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What are you doing to manifest your desires?  Comment below and tell me!