Mal Duane Coach

3 Tips for Healing Betrayal

Honoring loved ones that have passed at the Western Wall in Israel. 

On a recent trip to Israel, I had the amazing opportunity to to help a young woman who was lost in her pain from her recent divorce.

The first day I met her I felt her pain, I saw it in her eyes and the way she held herself. We started talking and eventually had dinner together. That’s when I spilled the beans about my new book Broken Open  and my own experience with divorce. 

 Her mouth was hanging open when I told her “my story”.  She had been lied to and betrayed as well. 

I gave her three important lessons from the book and asked her to take time to journal about them at night and see if she got any revelations in her writing.   If you're currently going through a divorce or have experienced betrayal consider the following tips.   Bonus:  try these as journaling prompts to reveal deeper answers and layers of healing.

3 Tips for Healing Betrayal 

1.  Someone else’s unconscious behavior has nothing to do with you but is because of an existing void in them.


2.  Own your half of the relationship. Where did you overlook or even deny to yourself things that happened?


3.  Healing your heart is an inside job that only you can do it for yourself. Don’t expect someone else’s actions to do it.

The last night of the trip we were all together for dinner and she came over and hugged me. I knew what she was going to say. I had seen a dramatic change in her during the trip. I observed firsthand how she became lighter every day and eventually started smiling. My words had inspired her to look within her. She wanted to thank me for changing how she felt about and perceived what happened in her marriage. 

Seeing this young woman come back to life made my trip even better than I could have imagined. I never expected to be coaching someone while in Israel. Better yet, the opportunity to help them feel so much better about themselves. God works in strange ways.

What did you discover when you asked yourself these questions?  Comment below! I'd love to hear your answers!

5 Steps to Turn Your Dreams to Reality

Do you have a big, juicy, audacious dream?

Something that makes you tingle from your head to the tips of your toes? 

Something so fabulous that your inner mean girl says, “no freaking way!" ?

Well ladybug, no dream is too big! 

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If it couldn’t happen, you wouldn’t be able to think about it. It means that if you can see it, it already exists somewhere in the cosmos. Shit, nobody ever told me that when I was growing up!

Let me give you some examples. When I was kid, I had a problem reading. I had to take special remedial reading classes. When I decided to write a book in 2009, I could see it, I could feel it.

However, based on my previous challenges, I was probably a long shot. I held the vision and in 2012, Alpha Chick  was released and became an Amazon Best Seller with six literary awards.

Since my first book, I have connected with women from all over the globe who've shared my passion to serve women in a meaningful and empowering way. I have to be honest, I never thought I would be emailing and personally interviewing them for my podcast! This is just another example of holding a powerful vision.

In my last email, I suggested taking pictures of your dreams and putting them in a folder.

Now I am challenging you to take action on those dreams.

Here are 5 Steps to Turn Your Dreams to Reality

  1. Who do you need to help you with your dream/vision? Think big again, don’t be shy! 
  2. What do you need to do to start the process? Creating a mind map or good outline are excellent places to start. 
  3. What are the first three steps you can take to start creating it?
  4. How long do you need to make this happen? Create a time table for yourself. Put dates in your calendar for accountability. 
  5. What resources or research do you need?

My own bursts of inspiration have come from going through incredible challenges and difficult things that have knocked me to my knees. I’m suggesting you start manifesting before life throws you an unexpected curveball.

What's a dream you've been dreaming but haven't yet taken action?
Comment below and tell me 3 steps you'll take to make it a reality!  


How to Manifest What you Want

You might think that taking care of everyone else’s needs first is going to win you a merit badge. Well truth be told, no one is going to hand you an award, but they will continue to take advantage. Not that they are being A-holes, they’re just used to you to sacrificing yourself on their behalf.  Do you think it might be time to change?

Why do women put themselves last?

I know part of it comes from conditioning as a child. Don’t take too much, leave some for others. Wait your turn. Then it snowballs from there. By the time we are grown women in relationships, we accept the breadcrumbs thrown our way. Well my sweet, I think you deserve the whole freaking bakery.

It’s time to stop depriving yourself of what you want, what makes you happy and the things that will really float your boat.

You need to start treating you like #1  and the rest of the planet will get a wakeup call. 

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I will repeat this until I am blue in the face: you are worthy, you are actually a divine being made of the same stuff as the stars and the ocean.

You are a part of source energy.

So, start treating yourself like you have value.

Whether you’re married, spoken for or flying solo, you need me-time. Time where you do yummy things just for you. Maybe it’s a dance class, an art class, a meet up or spa visit. You need to treat yourself to things that fire you up. 

Here’s your homework: Have fun with this!

Make a list of the top ten things you wish you could have or do.

Take pictures and then more pictures of them from magazines, brochures etc. with your phone.

Create a new folder for all of them, call it Dreams or Vision board.

Start looking at those pictures every day and ideas will start to come to you on what you need to do to make it happen.

I have shared my folder for 2018. I went to India, traveled to California two times, took some amazing classes, went on a few shopping sprees and bought myself some really nice things.  I wote a new book and took really good care of myself.

Nothing is out of your reach. You can have anything you want if you allow yourself to. 

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 I have got some great wish pics in 2019 my folder. I made a New York Time Best Seller image for my new book, Broken Open. I have a condo in Solano Beach, CA and I am going to Israel (I’m actually leaving very soon) and taking a luxurious cruise from Singapore to Hong Kong and it’s only February.  I’ll keep looking at my DREAM folder and adding to it.

The first step in this manifestation process is knowing you are deserving of it. Then seeing it, believing it, and finally living as if it is done and on its way.

What are the top 5 things you want to manifest in the next few months?  Tell me below in the comments!

3 Self-Care Rituals to Empower You

Here’s the scoop: life is what you are going to make it. It may have taken me seventy years to learn that but now I want to give you a crash course.

What you think, how you feel and the choices you make are either going to create a shit show or something that is truly blissful. 

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I’m all for bliss. Every day, I get up with the intention to have a really good day - and 99% of the time I do.

There are few exceptions, only those related to the freakin' frigid weather since my body no longer tolerates below freezing. Even the sound of that makes me shiver. Most days in the winter I go out looking like a seven-layer cake. I have so many layers under layers that if I met a hottie it would take him a week to get my clothes off. (Wishful thinking ☺)What I’m trying to tell you is that I have no complaints about anything other than feeling like I have an icicle in my pants.

So, how did I get so blissful? With rituals and spiritual practices that feed my soul, stimulate my consciousness and enhance my physicality.

Below are my top rituals and spiritual practices to empower you.

1. Mindset 

Every morning - first thing - check your mindset.  Do you feel off?  If so, start asking yourself why. Sit with it, see what comes up.  Take a few extra minutes to see what’s going on in your head.  

Once you feel more settled, try setting an intention to create an amazing day.  Flip your mindset to something positive, intend to feel more empowered and watch how differently your day unfolds. 

2. Inspirational Reading 

A biggy for me the past several months is my new reading practice. I select books that teach me how to be a better, stronger and more evolved woman. I almost never watch TV anymore. The shows I liked seem to have lost their sizzle. Of course, until Game of Thrones comes back on in April. My fave reads are spiritual in nature, each one opening me up to a new practice. 

A powerful suggestion for you is Matt Kahn’s new book, Everything is Here to Help You. 

This will stimulate some serious self-reflection and journaling exercises. Honestly, that’s where all the transformation starts.

3. Essential Oils 

The past few months, I've learned about crystals, angels, numerology and essential oils  - and I’m hooked. I want to know more. This stuff is crazy good for women and improving our day to day lives - especially essential oils.  I’ll be sharing more over the next few months.  I diffuse daily while I’m at home working and do a little anointing with my doTerra “InTune “roll on. I use Breathe when I have the sniffles and Frankincense before my mediation practice. 

 Try putting a little  oil on that sacred temple of yours put as few drops in your bath water.

 If you're interested in Essential Oils, there is no one better than my girl Katy Shem. 

What are some of your favorite self-care rituals to feel empowered? Comment below and let me know!

Kick Addiction to the Curb with Veronica Valli

You are now standing in a new year with a clean slate to start creating whatever you want. So maybe it’s time to leave the old baggage behind, the unresolved anger and all the emotional cobwebs which have been inspiring those midnight raids of the cookie jar.

If you want to be happy, it’s your job to make it happen.

You can’t expect other people to change you feelings. This is one of the biggest misconceptions women have. I’ve been guilty of this myself. I spent the first 40 years of my life looking for others to make me happy.  We know how that went, not very well.

So instead of: if only ______would_______, I would be so happy.

How about: if I______, I am going to be so happy.

You pick what lights you up.

And ditch those midnight cookie raids. They’re all too addictive.

Speaking of addiction, this week’s guest is a leading authority. She learned about it the hard way. 

 

Veronica Valli is a psychotherapist, recovery coach and Emotional Freedom Practitioner. She is the author of Why You Drink and How to Stop, and Get Sober, Get Free. As the co-host of the Soberful Podcast, she explores issues relating to recovery, getting sober and living an alcohol-free life. She coaches and supports women who want to stay sober and elevate their recovery to fulfill their highest potential.  Veronica has been continuously sober for over 18 years.  

In this week’s episode, Veronica talks about: 

  • How women drink/eat to kill the pain of being afraid to be themselves
  • How human behavior manifests as feelings
  • How some forms of childhood trauma are at the root of addiction
  • Why women minimize their trauma and pain 

and most importantly

  • Why breaking the pattern of addiction requires total commitment 

LISTEN TO THE EPISODE HERE

As a bonus to you, grab a copy of her free Soberful ebook here! 

I know dependency on alcohol only too well. However, I celebrated 30 years of recover New Year’s Eve. I am always monitoring my intake of sugar because I like it so much.

So, whether it’s booze, pills, sex, shopping, shoes or sugar, you will get some great info from the show.

I’m here to support you and help those who have broken hearts. 

Did you enjoy this episode? Tell me below in the comments!

Get In Touch With Who You Are!

I made a post on Facebook the other day which has inspired that I write this post. I had the most amazing revelation while lying in bed that I am in this totally awesome relationship with myself. It may sound weird but let me explain. This year I have traveled the globe, taken courses, seen movies, tried new restaurants, exercise classes and more…all by myself. And loved every minute of it.​​​​​​​

I don’t need to ask for permission or arrange my schedule according to someone else’s. Total blissful freedom to do as I please. I get to keep my favorite books on the bed, get up when I want and wear my comfy jammies at the breakfast table.

Truth be told,  I’m having a blast not needing a man in my life. I’m actually thinking of starting a video series called the Single Girl Chronicles to show single women how to have fun!

I have to share this quote with you from Eternal Echoes by John O’Donohue:

Even without the outside lover, you can become the beloved. When you awaken in appreciation and love for yourself, springtime awakens in your heart.

There are so many women who don’t have men in their lives and they feel stuck, lost and alone.

I’ve honestly felt that at times in my own life –  but not anymore. I am discovering that you can do lots of wonderful things being single. You don’t need a man to have FUN! It all comes back to what I talk so much about. How you feel about yourself. If you don’t like yourself, you’re not going to be happy alone. Building that confidence of being alone opens you to so many options. Learning new things, taking classes and travel are just a few of my favorites.

For those girls in a relationship, develop some interests separate from your man. A little independence is good for the soul-for the both of you!

More women are uncovering that their own company is a whole lot more fun than crappy company with someone who doesn’t inspire them!

Whether you’re single or happily taken, comment below and  tell me about something you can do for YOURSELF (new or old) to HAVE FUN and get in touch with who you are!

Lessons I Learned in India While on a Spiritual Retreat

I had so many powerful realizations while traveling India on a spiritual retreat.

The big one which encompasses all the small ones is how resilient I have become.

A small lesson I learned while there was to master peeing while standing up. This may not sound like a big deal for you but with the length of my legs, not an easy task. My first reaction was “oh crap I can’t do this”. Well after a few hours of walking around in 90 degree humid heat with a full bladder, it was time to pee standing up or keel over.

The second small lesson was the reaction I got from the local people because I was very different looking to the Indian people. They all wanted to take selfies with me because I am tall and blonde. I kind of felt like I was a celebrity. Made me appreciate our individual uniqueness.

My big lesson was about resilience, the ability of getting back up after being knocked down really set in. I felt such appreciation for where I am now and how much I love my life today. God knows, I have walked through the fires of hell.

Several of the women I was traveling with shared how they had huge traumatic events in their lives which inspired their spiritual quest. I have to admit that the hot mess of my own life has done the same. Each time something earth shattering happens to me, I dig deeper in my spiritual practice for the answers. I am really learning just how powerful women can be.

You can grow emotionally and spiritually far beyond a traumatic event and recapture your life.

Even though adverse life events such as serious illness, accident or injury, abuse, bereavement or relationship breakdown can be a trigger for depression, anxiety or post-traumatic stress, people ARE capable of finding transformation through trauma. I know because I have done it several times.

And here’s where the good news gets even better: my friend Jennifer Cunningham is a trauma survivor who got through cancer feeling like her identity had become all about that experience. She decided to be true to herself, take on new challenges and view life from a wider perspective and so she brought together 24 experts, including me, to share our strategies to shift from trauma to enlightenment.

I’d love for you to join us for the Post-Traumatic Enlightenment Summit.
Reserve your free spot HERE.

And if a recent traumatic divorce or breakup has derailed your life or stripped you of your power, I am here to help you take back your power. Set up a Strategy Session with me HERE.

Big Love,
XOXOX

Mal

The Greatest Gifts You Can Give YOURSELF this Holiday Season!

The Holiday Season is in full swing!  That can be a really good thing or totally shitty depending on where you are.  Some of us are alone (single, divorced, widowed) during this time year but it doesn’t need to be a bad thing. I have spent the last three holiday seasons on my own and have used the time to do some deep thinking and writing about my life moving forward.

I had a wonderful dinner with my girlfriends last year, a week before Christmas and I am doing a repeat this year. I ‘ve  got my tree up and the house decorated. I love all the lights and putting out my Christmas Santa’s. Plus, it feels so good to treat these sweet souls to a really special dinner. I love them all dearly.

Sadly, there are other women I know whose lives have changed unexpectedly the past few years like mine did but they are frozen in time, stuck in their pain. Why am I able to move on with my life and they feel like their life is over? I have spent a great deal of time and research the last few months and I know the answers. In fact, this material is the foundation for the new book I am working on. I feel it’s that important.

The most painful experience can be your greatest teacher. I have learned more about myself in the past 24 months than I did in the previous 68 years. Here are some of the greatest gifts I’ve received that I hope you can take into your own life.  

  1. Forgiveness has changed me completely. I was able to untie the chord that kept me stuck in the pain of betrayal and free myself so I could build a stronger relationship with my stepchildren and grandchildren. They are more important to me than anything that had happened in the total collapse of my marriage. I feel so empowered by not being attached to what happened that had hurt me so deeply.
  2. I am more resilient now than I ever could have imagined. I have complete confidence in managing my life and my home. I understand what it takes to get back up and to get going again.
  3. I have a greater capacity for unconditional love. This has opened me up in so many ways. I no longer have all the attachments to “things” or how they should be.
  4. Here’s the biggy!  All women are capable of doing these things. You are no different than I am. I just figured out how to do it.  We do not need to stay broken open from heartbreak and loss. We can heal ourselves! In fact, no one else really can do that for us. It’s our job.
  5. I have stopped pushing myself to do things that don’t feel authentic to me. I have struggled for the past few months with sending emails to all of you weekly. Maybe you noticed, I haven’t sent any for a month or so. I realize that I want to try to communicate in various ways. Maybe recorded video or Facebook Live or group calls on Zoom. More face to face.  For me, it’s more intimate than another email.  I only want to send an email when I have something to share with you that is of value to you.

I wish you every happiness this Christmas and the coming New Year!   I am so excited about 2018. I feel like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon and I’m ready – so ready to fly!

I Was a Cougar THREE Times Last Week!

I am not saying I did anything that would land my ass in jail. But I did have so much fun- even if it was mostly in my own mind.

I can’t deny it puts a smile on my face to see a younger man admiring me. Truthfully ladies-you know you love it too!

My bank visit was unusually entertaining this past week. My regular young teller was super happy to see me. Not sure if it was the motherly relationship advice I give him or my new leggings with skulls which looked particularly good since going sugar free. We had five minutes of really flirty banter when I decided it was time to leave. All I could think of walking to my car was that his mother would kill me. That chilling thought brought me right back to reality.

Two days later I went to a new networking event for my public speaking, which was all about social media.

The founder is an import from across the pond (London) who is a very charismatic, social media genius and adorable to boot. Looking right into my eyes, he starts giving me brilliant tips to increase my engagement online. I’m not sure I heard it all because I was thinking if I were only 25 years younger-holy moly sparks would fly.

I was like a school girl listening to him. It was so much fun. I was giggling to myself as I walked away not realizing I was leaving my eyeglasses behind. I guess I just have to go back to the next meeting to get my glasses. More to come.

I wrapped up the week going to a Halloween party-no costume-no problem. I ‘ll just go as a “cougar”. I had a T-Shirt printed in a couple of hours.

It was so cute with a very short skirt and little suede boots. The Game of Thrones was the big costume theme for the evening. But I must admit I was having so much fun in my little cougar t-shirt. I admit I may have been the oldest person there but you would never know it. I can dance up a storm! I have even included a pic for you. I have my Invisalign braces in so my smile looks a little weird. Was undecided whether to show them or not.

The whole point of this little discussion is-don’t give up! Doesn’t matter if you are single, married, divorced or widowed. You are never too old to have fun. Fantasize, imagine what it would be like! Put a smile on your own face, it’s great for getting rid of the wrinkles.

I think young, act young and feel young which ultimately keeps me very healthy and looking younger than I am.

Ladies, I am on a mission to help you live life to the fullest! You need to know it all starts within you! You are responsible for your own happiness. When you are a vibration of happiness-you’re a magnet for attracting more of it.

Today’s tip-go out and flirt, laugh-have a good time. Don’t take anything too seriously!

It’s Never Too Late!

How many times have you said to yourself, I am too old to do that or I am too old to wear that?Based on what? It’s bullshit.

Let your inner child rip. You know she is still inside of you. She is that little voice that can get very testy when she doesn’t get her way. She is still adventurous and expects you to be.

All of this is running through my mind today as I start to think about another “big, big” birthday which is just around the corner on August 11th.

I don’t feel my age and I know sure as hell, I don’t act it! In fact, I love doing things that challenge me. I am never going to let my age define what I do. Today, I went to a Pilates class and then signed up to do two classes a week for the next month. I think my core needs some strengthening. I was significantly older than the rest of the class.

My daily wardrobe is now T-shirts and yoga leggings. I only get dressed up when I have to. Having my office at home gives me the opportunity to work with Hannah in my lap.

Besides, I might break out into a little dance jam to Bruno Mars for a pick me up!

I have spent the past eight weeks deep in the throes of learning new computer technology such as PowerPoint and ScreenFlow, so I can produce my online courses. This has not been an easy task. But I gotta tell you, I love the challenge. I always have been a bit of a geek.

So how can you break loose this week and drop that old fart mentality? Life’s too short cupcake. 

It’s time to  kick your heels up and have fun. That becomes more apparent as I start to lose friends. One girl I know, a little older than me, passed away yesterday which is really stirring my thoughts on enjoying life more.

Here’s the bomb! I think I’m ready for love again. A nice companion, who likes dogs and the same stuff I do. (Spirituality, crystals, chanting, traveling and maybe a little shopping) Is that too much to ask? I’m putting my order in to the Universe. Must be tall, handsome, good shape, young at heart and love dogs!  Between the ages of 65-75. Oh, and hair and teeth would be nice!

Maybe you know someone or your Dad does? Not kidding. ☺

This Birthday Girl is going to be busy. I am making my own fun. Off next week to Mystic CT with my glorious friend Lisa for a little retreat. Dinner with another girlfriend later in the week. Doing some special classes. Not buying myself anything because I already have everything I want.

The best gift I can get is to know that all of you are working on making yourselves happy.  This is way too important to put in the hands of others!

P.S.

This week, I am on Coffee Talk with Soy. (I apologize the quality of the recording is not great but the content was good.) ——>Tune in HERE!