Blog – Page 4

Courage – My Favorite Word to Describe What I Do!

I was having a conversation with Sonja, my TEDx buddy about key words to describe what we do in our work with clients. Her word was connection. She teaches her clients communications. At first I thought my word was inspire but then it hit me, it’s COURAGE.

I think of myself as a midlife transition coach who helps women get back up when life has unexpectedly knocked you down.

I now recognize that courage has served me well. I have used it to get back up many times when life has hit me with a huge challenge. Getting honest about my alcohol addiction years ago took courage. Surviving the death of my precious niece took courage. Getting up again after my divorce took more courage! My public speaking takes courage. I am always scared when I first start. I still remember kids laughing at me when I was small, making fun of me when I spoke up.

Courage is something we all have, it just needs to be nurtured. It is also a split second decision.

How do you muster up your courage?

Understand that fear is something you create with your thoughts.

Taking one small step at a time. Allow yourself to feel your fear, breathe deeply into it and count to five. Sit with it and let it settle. When fear first hits you, it can feel like your body is in a huge vice being squeezed. After a few minutes the sensation settles down and your mind quiets down. If you try to take action while consumed with fear, you usually make very emotional decisions. If you let the feeling of fear soften slightly, you will make more courageous choices.

I have watched people in scary situations run right into more trouble because they were consumed with fear and didn’t allow themselves to feel the fear before reacting.

Sometimes fear can be mistaken for excitement. The sensations feel identical in the body.

Courage can feel like excitement as well.

Courage is just overcoming your feelings of fear. I am sure you have heard “feel the fear and do it anyway”.

There is probably nothing you can’t deal with if you just give yourself a few moments to center yourself, acknowledge your fearful thoughts and then step right into your courage.

How to Shut Down the Inner Struggle

Do you wake up some days with two conversations going on in your head?

You toss and turn, there is a tug of war going on about deciding what to do.

One voice says, “stay where you are”, “don’t do anything”, “watch out”, “you can’t do this” which is the limiting voice of the ego. The ego doesn’t like growth, risks, vulnerability and the potential for failure. It’s all about keeping you safe so it thinks.

But how are you to grow and expand in this lifetime without stepping into the arena of challenge, of taking a chance? Stretching yourself beyond your current limits? You can’t.

The good news is the more you grow, the more that nagging voice will show up. So, recognize it as a very good sign and tell it “I heard you, not to worry, I’ve got this”.

Honestly, I have been hearing it a lot lately. Whenever I start thinking big and reaching for my dreams, my ego starts screaming at me. If I listened to it I would have accomplished none of the great things that I have done in my life.

One side of your brain supports everything you do. That is the loving side that doesn’t get caught in fear. You can call it spirit, the Universe or your higher self. The name doesn’t really matter but what it says to you does.

The more you nurture your relationship with the loving part of the brain, the fearful voice diminishes.

How do you build your connection to that loving voice in your head?

Simple. Stop multi-tasking. Your brain isn’t wired to do two things at once. When you multi task you are inadvertently weakening your efforts. Things don’t come out as well as they could have. Your brain is feeling split and starts letting you know by negative self-talk or even condemnation.
Meditation is the fastest way to discover the voice within that comes from your soul. Just allow 5-10 minutes for your mind to settle down. Then just breath and listen.
Journaling is another powerful practice that allows your soul to speak to you. Allow it to flow, no need to push and question intensely.
Oracle cards are fabulous. I use various angel decks, Law of Attraction or Kuan Yin. The cards I pull inspire a wonderful internal dialogue with my higher self.

Now when that crippling internal struggle starts, you can decipher who is speaking to you and acknowledge the voice. It is so much fun standing in your power and making powerful choices that take you places that you used to dream about.

The Only Thing Sure is Change

Have you ever thought about all the things you can count on and realized there are none?

It can be a scary idea.

I was doing this the other day and the only thing I could come up with is that life is always changing. Sometimes it feels good and sometimes it doesn’t.

How do you embrace change and make it work for you?

Immediately, I had a few powerful ideas pop in my head. (I have become proficient in dealing with change.) You don’t have to do it alone. I had great coaches, mentors and I took classes. I’m here for you. I will show you everything I have learned over the past 28 years.

Do not resist change. Resistance drains your positive constructive energy and leaves you powerless.
Don’t judge what is happening but rather discern from your feelings how it is effecting you.
Make a list of all the choices available to you in this situation. Sit with each one for a while and see which one feels the most in alignment with you. None of them maybe be perfect but one is workable.
Put your choice into play but be open to modifications as you proceed. It may require some changes as you move forward.

The key lesson here is to stay in your power while change occurs. Don’t react quickly but rather contemplate options and then respond. The outcome will be far more comfortable.

Love you ladies, and I support you!

Today is My Wedding Anniversary – and I’m Not Married.

This is still a day of emotional struggle for me. I am sitting quietly contemplating the events that unfolded in my marriage that brought me such deep pain. I recognize that my heart was broken wide open again, (it’s happened before- it’s part of life’s plan) but now I understand more about myself.

My job is not to figure out other people or why they do things but to continue to learn how I can grow and what I can do to help others who may experience similar pain. There are many women out there in my shoes.

I recognize that my heart is stronger now and has a greater capacity to hold love for all those who identify with me. Divorce is depilating but it’s up to you to get back up. It is so painful. Danielle Laporte in her new book “White Hot Truth” describes divorce like “having my bones broken very, very slowly, one limb after the next and then each rib-which made it difficult to breath for a long time. I think that pretty much says it all.

It doesn’t make any difference if you asked for the divorce or not, the fall out is the same.

The most important part of this piece is you that have the ability to heal you!

There are many practices you can put into play that will ease your pain and bring you peace over time. I know because I did them daily. I am not claiming that I still don’t feel pain from time to time, I just have a better perspective about it. I admit I am still healing but feel I have made tremendous progress.

My anniversary gift to you or someone you know is to join me on a FREE Conference Call to discuss how to get back up emotionally and move on with your life. It will be Saturday morning at 11 AM EDT/8:00 PST. I am hoping that is a convenient time for most women.

Please call 712-770-4010 Access Code 752297

I know in this shattered heart of mine that I am here to teach. To help women get back up from whatever knocks them down. Please join me Saturday morning. I can only bring you love!

From one brave heart to another,

Remembering Loved Ones

It was Memorial Day this past weekend and everywhere you looked or read there were posts about remembering our service men and women who gave their lives for their country. What mixed emotions for their families. They are so proud of their sacrifice and yet still feel the pain of their loss.

There is also remembering those that we loved who have passed. It can be a span of many years and you still feel the sadness. I went to the cemetery to plant flowers at my mother and father’s grave. I think it is also part of an old religious tradition that I was introduced to as a child when I would accompany my mother to my grandmother’s grave for Memorial Day and Christmas time. I have often joked that if I didn’t go lightning would probably strike my car or a tree close by me as a warning to get my ass over there.

Surprisingly when I got to the cemetery early Sunday morning, it was so busy. There were flags everywhere on the military graves and fresh flowers or plantings on so many others. I am so glad I went. However, I left feeling sad that they are no longer with me but I know they are always in my heart.

When I got home, I decided to meditate which stirred up more feelings of loss for my beautiful niece. I held a tiny little pillow in my hands for about thirty minutes that she gave me for her last Christmas before she died. It was so beautiful, I could feel her presence so close to me. My heart was exploding with love.

I realized something right then. What a beautiful spiritual practice this is to feel a deeper connection to a lost loved one.

If you have someone you would like to “spiritually connect” with, hold a picture or an item that belonged to them.

Close your eyes and just feel the energy of the item in your hand.

Send your love to them.

Visualize a ray of light coming out of your heart and touching the item in your hand.

Embrace the stillness and allow your feelings of love to expand from your heart.

Just be open to anything you feel.

You may want to journal afterwards any thoughts or images that you experienced.

I had a powerful realization that my loved ones are very close to me and I should never feel alone. I may not be able to physically see them but my spiritual eyes can.

I hope you will try this mediation. Be patient and practice.

I am a ray of love to all my friends and family

Journal Prompt: What emotions are emerging from your new meditation?

Denial – The Double Edged Sword

This week while tapping a show with the amazing Dr. Debra Reble, the topic of denial came up.

I never realized what a strong reaction I had to the word. Denial had been the thread that stitched my life together for many years until I was ready to face my truth. Facing the truth can be scary for you but I promise you will never regret it. It frees you from the bondage you placed on yourself. When you can’t live life, and be who you are meant to be, you rob the Universe of love. Fact is- you can’t give out love unless you are YOU ! What do you think you give out when you pretend to be otherwise?

The most powerful thing you can do for yourself is stop denying and start accepting your life just the way it is. I have said it before but I think it needs to be repeated. Life is a classroom and we all have lessons to learn. Every shitty situation is just a lesson you need to learn. Look at your lessons and see what is in each one that you need to learn.

The flip side of denial is when someone looks you right in the eye and denies what they have done or said. It makes me insane. I can feel it throughout my body. Do you feel utterly disrespected when someone you love denies the truth to you? Do they really think you don’t know better? It breaks the potential for trust. It creates dis-ease between two people.

Such a small word with such destructive consequences no matter what side you are on.

Time to eliminate denial from your life.

Are you afraid to step up and live your truth? Please reach out and use the link to schedule a laser coaching call for 15 minutes. We can tackle any situation together.

Next Monday 5/29 on my Podcast Awakening Divine Wildness is Darlene Lancer. Holy crap, what an education about dealing with a narcissist! This hits home for so many women. I know we all have known one.

No topic is ever off the table. I have pretty much experienced everything a woman can in one lifetime and I’m not afraid to talk about it. I gave up denial along time ago. No chains on this chick!

Tap Into Your Awareness

It is probably not something you give much thought to but you should.

Awareness is everything and without it nothing happens. Janet Rigsby who teaches the lessons of the Pathworks said this the other day in an online class.

Until you can sit quietly and allow your awareness to just expand, you cannot have a deeper exploration of your experiences. You will not make positive changes in your life.

Last week I wrote about the experience of my heart being broken open. Feeling like I had a made a mistake in getting married. You know what I learned when I sat still and just listened after my divorce?

Maybe the mistake I made was not listening to my body/intuition early in the relationship.
Not trusting myself but instead dismissing my gut feeling and thinking I was being too sensitive.

When I think back, I was spot on with some of my concerns. My ego told me I was insecure but my body told me there was something very wrong going on.

Now I pay attention to everything that comes up for me when I am just being aware and allowing my thoughts and feelings to flow. I can see where I have tried to rationalize things, or when I have deceived myself. Being present allows me to drop any resistance to what is or has been and just get into a state of acceptance. The less resistance I feel, the more power I have to make different choices. Acceptance is such as freeing experience and leads to many more positive emotions.

I have discovered by being more aware, I am able to forgive. I am cutting the chords that keeps my heart attached to anything that no longer serves me or my future growth. I have been able to forgive the most painful experience of my life, the betrayal in my marriage. Honestly, it wasn’t easy. It took daily work to get to a place of peace in my mind and body. It breaks my heart to see so many women who are still consumed with anger from their divorces which may have happened years before. Carrying the anger and resentment will ultimately compromise your health. You are shutting down the possibility for future happiness.

I love this image with a quote from Mark Twain. Save it to your computer.

I was deeply touched by another woman’s comments the other day when I interviewed her for my podcast. She said “Mal, you look genuinely very happy with your life. I follow you on Facebook.” I am happy. I love myself more today than I did before. I want the same thing for other women who have experienced divorce. As I said last week, your expectations/life may have changed but you are the same glorious soul. Nothing can take that away.

I received so many beautiful emails thanking me for being so honest about my own pain. It gave other women the courage to share what they are going through. I was deeply moved by their stories and have reached out personally to each one to talk.

I love this quote by Eckert Tolle “Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.”

Here is your mantra for this week: I am fully aware today!

A great journaling prompt to go with it: What past experience is trying to control my present thoughts?

Truth Be Told

I need to come clean and tell you the truth about something. The past three months I have emailed you almost weekly about interviews I did on various tele-summits. Well enough is enough.

It’s time for me to connect with you and stop hiding behind the free stuff.

The truth is that all these projects over the winter months helped me find my voice, reclaim my power and recalibrate my focus. I needed to prove to myself that I was back from my sorrow, maybe even better than before. The only way I could do that was to test myself repeatedly. I talked about painful stuff without breaking down.

Maybe some of you liked the interviews/shows or maybe not. I just want you to know I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful of your email. Thank you for hanging in there with me. I think some of the shows I did were great interviews because I spoke from my heart, hoping to help others heal and create new love in their lives.

I am very excited about creating my new Podcast because I get to handpick each person I want to interview. I love powerful stories of personal challenge and growth. I will continue to update you on new shows.

Over the next several months my intent is to share with you from the depths of my heart what I have learned about resilience, advocating for yourself and getting back into your light after being knocked down.

Most of you know I experienced a massive betrayal in my marriage and then a divorce over the past three years. It all came at me at a time I thought I knew it all. How wrong was my perception? I am back, stronger and feeling so good about me moving forward. It took a lot of work which is still ongoing but I am really good.

My pledge going forward is I am opening myself to you completely. I’m going to get emotionally naked. I have nothing to hide. Owning my own truth is the most exhilarating feeling and it puts me firmly in my power.

My mentor, Hiro said something powerful to me the other day. “Maybe learning from a place of pain is over rated and we should start learning from joy”.

I have always believed my greatest teachers have been my most painful challenges. But I’m changing that mindset to my greatest wins. Because that is what they were. Every challenge pushed me to a higher level of self-awareness, self-love and compassion for others.

If you are splashing in murky waters, you know how to find me. Go to my website, www.malduanecoach.com.

After being with Tony Robbins in CA the last week of March, coming home and getting sick, I realized it was probably a massive detox of letting go of the old and welcoming in the new. After three weeks of total rest and self-care, I’m ready to bring it on!

In the next few weeks I am going to announce some new things I would like to do for all of you and get your opinion on them. A new Facebook group dedicated to “Loving Smart” with a weekly conference call. We all can experience more love when we get out of our own way. I will be sharing how to create more love in your life after your heart has been shattered. I think we have all been there.

My next Podcast on Awakening Divine Wildness is May 1^st with the amazing Michelle Mercier the founder of “Create Honesty”.

I so appreciate you! I started this journey in February 2012. It has been five years now and many of you have been getting my emails for almost that long. I guess we have gone through some serious shit together.

Sending you big love,

My new book Midlife Transformation is here!

Today is the day I’ve been dreaming about for the past six months! Even Hannah knows Mom has a new book.

Please join me in celebrating the official birth of my new book “Midlife Transformation: Redefining Life, Love, Health & Success”!

I’m so excited to be a coauthor and share my transformational story, “STILL STRONG” in this heart centered project published by bestselling publishing house, Inspired Living Publishing!

Your support today would mean the world to me!

I’d be honored and grateful to have your support to help our inspirational book reach bestseller status and ultimately transform thousands of women’s lives around the world.

When you ORDER your copy of #MidlifeTransformation today as a thank you, you’ll receive access to over 60 transformational gifts from me, my coauthors, and some of today’s leading visionaries including Nancy Levin, Arielle Ford, Christy Whitman and others.

*****AND*****

… you’ll receive a limited time invitation and opportunity to enter your Amazon receipt # in TODAY’S #MidlifeTransformation Facebook Party & Giveaway for a chance to win:

~ Manifestation Bowls®

~ Blessings Bowls®

~ Lotus Life® inspirational tee shirts

~ Gem Set from Zen with Gems

~ Holistic Skin Care Sets from Holistic Body Basics

~ Custom Gemstone Pendulums from Katie Crommett

~ Anxiety Relief Support Packages from Anxiety Slayer

~ Mini handmade ceramic Giving bowls with Affirmation

~ and so much more!

Order #MidlifeTransformation today and I’ll see you at the party!

The twenty-nine stories in Midlife Transformation, including mine, reveal the miracles that happen when a woman makes an empowered choice to release the weight of her past, step out of the shadows, and embrace a life that fully honors her sacred truth. Every story is followed by three Reflection Questions to guide you deeper into your own truth.

Order #MidlifeTransformation today and receive immediate access to all the gifts!

ADVANCE PRAISE for Midlife Transformation:

“Transformative! It takes courage to step through your fears and trust the wisdom of your soul. The powerful stories shared in Midlife Transformation will remind you that when you harness your personal power, commit to living authentically, partner with the Divine, and bravely venture into the uncharted, magic happens!” ~ Colette Baron-Reid, Intuitive, spiritual teacher, psychic medium, author, and founder of Colette Baron-Reid’s Oracle School

***

“Courage is not always easy, but it is critical to living a life filled with love. Listening, and following our inner wisdom and guidance, requires us to build that muscle of courage. This is a wonderful book, full of inspirational stories to awaken women to their own inner wisdom and courage to live a life full of love, joy, and abundance.” Christy Whitman, New York Times best-selling author of The Art of Having It All.

Order #MidlifeTransformation today and I’ll see you at the party!

As Master Integrative Coach, teacher, radio host, and best-selling Hay House author Nancy Levin shares in the foreword:

“You’ll be moved by the messages from women who allowed themselves to be guided by courage to approach life on their own terms, taking action to live aligned with their truth and desires, standing solidly in their self-worth. Allow this book to serve as a compass to lead you back to yourself, with an invitation to find and trust your own voice as you dive deeply into your desire.”

I am honored to have this connection with you. I share my truth with you in my writings so you can live yours!

Sending you big love,

Real Women Share How to Have It All

I recently met a super cool new friend who thinks just like me and I want you to meet her too.

Her name is Carolina, and she is an expert in helping women create Extraordinary Lives.

As a woman with big dreams and desires, Carolina has challenged herself to have it all: a successful career, a passionate love life, and a healthy body. She followed the steps to create a prosperous life… graduated from a top university, got a prestigious job and found a great guy.

Does that sound familiar?

For years, she worked hard in building her career & giving back to society but no matter how much she achieved she would feel like something was missing. Like many other women she would constantly worry that somehow she wasn’t doing enough, that she was falling behind in one or more areas in her life. She no longer was interested in just achieving success, she was craving to also find true joy.

So she decided to take on a research project to learn from women who have found a way of having it all, both the outer SUCCESS (career, money, health) as well as the feelings of INNER PEACE and LASTING FULFILLMENT. She believes that when as women we share our vulnerable and real stories, as well as the lessons we’ve learned along the journey, we help each other heal, fulfill our deepest desires and rise stronger.

This research project has turned into a video series, where she is interviewing more than 20 women (including me!) who have it all.

It’s called: Women Who Want It All: How to Create Outer Success, Inner Peace and Lasting Fulfillment!

I have a complimentary ticket for you to attend. You can register using this link >> //carolinazuleta.com/event/o/mald/

You’ll be able to watch from your home, office, or on the go.

Here’s what’s going to be covered in the VIDEO INTERVIEWS:

What to do to overcome self-doubt and step fiercely into building your dreams
How to lead a more open, authentic, loving, and fulfilling life
How to eliminate limiting beliefs that are keeping you from achieving success in any area
Learn to balance your good girl and wild woman to become truly empowered
Overcome any shame you have around your finances or your love life

These interviews are REAL. They’re HONEST conversations with women who have faced struggles and challenges like all of us but who have found a way to reconnect to themselves and create lives that they love. I am honored to share from my own heart the lessons I have learned.

So please join me and these amazing other women who get real and get vulnerable so you won’t make the same mistakes.

Register here with your complimentary ticket to listen in. //carolinazuleta.com/event/o/mald/

Sending you big love,