Acceptance

Get In Touch With Who You Are!

I made a post on Facebook the other day which has inspired that I write this post. I had the most amazing revelation while lying in bed that I am in this totally awesome relationship with myself. It may sound weird but let me explain. This year I have traveled the globe, taken courses, seen movies, tried new restaurants, exercise classes and more…all by myself. And loved every minute of it.

I don’t need to ask for permission or arrange my schedule according to someone else’s. Total blissful freedom to do as I please. I get to keep my favorite books on the bed, get up when I want and wear my comfy jammies at the breakfast table.

Truth be told, I’m having a blast not needing a man in my life. I’m actually thinking of starting a video series called the Single Girl Chronicles to show single women how to have fun!

I have to share this quote with you from Eternal Echoes by John O’Donohue:

Even without the outside lover, you can become the beloved. When you awaken in appreciation and love for yourself, springtime awakens in your heart.

There are so many women who don’t have men in their lives and they feel stuck, lost and alone.

I’ve honestly felt that at times in my own life – but not anymore. I am discovering that you can do lots of wonderful things being single. You don’t need a man to have FUN! It all comes back to what I talk so much about. How you feel about yourself. If you don’t like yourself, you’re not going to be happy alone. Building that confidence of being alone opens you to so many options. Learning new things, taking classes and travel are just a few of my favorites.

For those girls in a relationship, develop some interests separate from your man. A little independence is good for the soul-for the both of you!

More women are uncovering that their own company is a whole lot more fun than crappy company with someone who doesn’t inspire them!

Whether you’re single or happily taken, comment below and tell me about something you can do for YOURSELF (new or old) to HAVE FUN and get in touch with who you are!

The Greatest Gifts You Can Give YOURSELF this Holiday Season!

The Holiday Season is in full swing! That can be a really good thing or totally shitty depending on where you are. Some of us are alone (single, divorced, widowed) during this time year but it doesn’t need to be a bad thing. I have spent the last three holiday seasons on my own and have used the time to do some deep thinking and writing about my life moving forward.

I had a wonderful dinner with my girlfriends last year, a week before Christmas and I am doing a repeat this year. I ‘ve got my tree up and the house decorated. I love all the lights and putting out my Christmas Santa’s. Plus, it feels so good to treat these sweet souls to a really special dinner. I love them all dearly.

Sadly, there are other women I know whose lives have changed unexpectedly the past few years like mine did but they are frozen in time, stuck in their pain. Why am I able to move on with my life and they feel like their life is over? I have spent a great deal of time and research the last few months and I know the answers. In fact, this material is the foundation for the new book I am working on. I feel it’s that important.

The most painful experience can be your greatest teacher. I have learned more about myself in the past 24 months than I did in the previous 68 years. Here are some of the greatest gifts I’ve received that I hope you can take into your own life.

Forgiveness has changed me completely. I was able to untie the chord that kept me stuck in the pain of betrayal and free myself so I could build a stronger relationship with my stepchildren and grandchildren. They are more important to me than anything that had happened in the total collapse of my marriage. I feel so empowered by not being attached to what happened that had hurt me so deeply.
I am more resilient now than I ever could have imagined. I have complete confidence in managing my life and my home. I understand what it takes to get back up and to get going again.
I have a greater capacity for unconditional love. This has opened me up in so many ways. I no longer have all the attachments to “things” or how they should be.
Here’s the biggy! All women are capable of doing these things. You are no different than I am. I just figured out how to do it. We do not need to stay broken open from heartbreak and loss. We can heal ourselves! In fact, no one else really can do that for us. It’s our job.
I have stopped pushing myself to do things that don’t feel authentic to me. I have struggled for the past few months with sending emails to all of you weekly. Maybe you noticed, I haven’t sent any for a month or so. I realize that I want to try to communicate in various ways. Maybe recorded video or Facebook Live or group calls on Zoom. More face to face. For me, it’s more intimate than another email. I only want to send an email when I have something to share with you that is of value to you.

I wish you every happiness this Christmas and the coming New Year! I am so excited about 2018. I feel like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon and I’m ready – so ready to fly!

I Was a Cougar THREE Times Last Week!

I am not saying I did anything that would land my ass in jail. But I did have so much fun- even if it was mostly in my own mind.

I can’t deny it puts a smile on my face to see a younger man admiring me. Truthfully ladies-you know you love it too!

My bank visit was unusually entertaining this past week. My regular young teller was super happy to see me. Not sure if it was the motherly relationship advice I give him or my new leggings with skulls which looked particularly good since going sugar free. We had five minutes of really flirty banter when I decided it was time to leave. All I could think of walking to my car was that his mother would kill me. That chilling thought brought me right back to reality.

Two days later I went to a new networking event for my public speaking, which was all about social media.

The founder is an import from across the pond (London) who is a very charismatic, social media genius and adorable to boot. Looking right into my eyes, he starts giving me brilliant tips to increase my engagement online. I’m not sure I heard it all because I was thinking if I were only 25 years younger-holy moly sparks would fly.

I was like a school girl listening to him. It was so much fun. I was giggling to myself as I walked away not realizing I was leaving my eyeglasses behind. I guess I just have to go back to the next meeting to get my glasses. More to come.

I wrapped up the week going to a Halloween party-no costume-no problem. I ‘ll just go as a “cougar”. I had a T-Shirt printed in a couple of hours.

It was so cute with a very short skirt and little suede boots. The Game of Thrones was the big costume theme for the evening. But I must admit I was having so much fun in my little cougar t-shirt. I admit I may have been the oldest person there but you would never know it. I can dance up a storm! I have even included a pic for you. I have my Invisalign braces in so my smile looks a little weird. Was undecided whether to show them or not.

The whole point of this little discussion is-don’t give up! Doesn’t matter if you are single, married, divorced or widowed. You are never too old to have fun. Fantasize, imagine what it would be like! Put a smile on your own face, it’s great for getting rid of the wrinkles.

I think young, act young and feel young which ultimately keeps me very healthy and looking younger than I am.

Ladies, I am on a mission to help you live life to the fullest! You need to know it all starts within you! You are responsible for your own happiness. When you are a vibration of happiness-you’re a magnet for attracting more of it.

Today’s tip-go out and flirt, laugh-have a good time. Don’t take anything too seriously!

Real Women Share How to Have It All

I recently met a super cool new friend who thinks just like me and I want you to meet her too.

Her name is Carolina, and she is an expert in helping women create Extraordinary Lives.

As a woman with big dreams and desires, Carolina has challenged herself to have it all: a successful career, a passionate love life, and a healthy body. She followed the steps to create a prosperous life… graduated from a top university, got a prestigious job and found a great guy.

Does that sound familiar?

For years, she worked hard in building her career & giving back to society but no matter how much she achieved she would feel like something was missing. Like many other women she would constantly worry that somehow she wasn’t doing enough, that she was falling behind in one or more areas in her life. She no longer was interested in just achieving success, she was craving to also find true joy.

So she decided to take on a research project to learn from women who have found a way of having it all, both the outer SUCCESS (career, money, health) as well as the feelings of INNER PEACE and LASTING FULFILLMENT. She believes that when as women we share our vulnerable and real stories, as well as the lessons we’ve learned along the journey, we help each other heal, fulfill our deepest desires and rise stronger.

This research project has turned into a video series, where she is interviewing more than 20 women (including me!) who have it all.

It’s called: Women Who Want It All: How to Create Outer Success, Inner Peace and Lasting Fulfillment!

I have a complimentary ticket for you to attend. You can register using this link >> //carolinazuleta.com/event/o/mald/

You’ll be able to watch from your home, office, or on the go.

Here’s what’s going to be covered in the VIDEO INTERVIEWS:

What to do to overcome self-doubt and step fiercely into building your dreams
How to lead a more open, authentic, loving, and fulfilling life
How to eliminate limiting beliefs that are keeping you from achieving success in any area
Learn to balance your good girl and wild woman to become truly empowered
Overcome any shame you have around your finances or your love life

These interviews are REAL. They’re HONEST conversations with women who have faced struggles and challenges like all of us but who have found a way to reconnect to themselves and create lives that they love. I am honored to share from my own heart the lessons I have learned.

So please join me and these amazing other women who get real and get vulnerable so you won’t make the same mistakes.

Register here with your complimentary ticket to listen in. //carolinazuleta.com/event/o/mald/

Sending you big love,

Acceptance

acceptance Good morning beautiful!

Whatever you resist, persists. – Have you ever heard this saying?

It means whatever you are trying to push away or deny, is gonna show up somehow. An example of this is with emotional eating. A friend of mine kept latching on to this phrase for some reason, always telling
herself, I don’t have an issue with this. But this phrase kept popping into her brain. And little by little she began to listen to the voice. And then as she opened the door a little bit, she began to notice that yes, sometimes she would snack not out of genuine hunger but out of boredom, anxiety or the inability to fall asleep. Only then was she able to see her buried emotions and feelings. And boy do we not want to feel our feelings sometimes.

For me, I really have to be present, aware and VERY self-loving to be able to tap into my inner self and what is going on with me. If I don’t, and I resist these feelings or messages from the Universe, they will make themselves known – be it through a migraine, a fall, a forgotten appointment. We have so much to deal with as very sensitive human beings and our emotional health is just as complex and needs just as much care and monitoring as our physical health—although our society is just catching up with these ideas and the culture is finally adopting some healing concepts such as mindfulness and vulnerability as strength.

Unfortunately, just because you stick your head in the sand doesn’t mean that whatever is going on just disappears. Similarly, trying to be a size 2 or the perfect wife won’t hush the voices reminding you of something your mother constantly told you you weren’t great at. The trick is to listen to those voices and then feel the feelings attached to them. Yoga can really help with this process of listening to learn to love ourselves.

“No amount of self-improvement can make up for a lack of self-acceptance.”

– Anonymous

What I am really referencing is the powerful practice of acceptance. Sounds simple but our ego and defenses try to protect us from feeling hurt or rejected, because when we were younger and dependent on our caregivers for survival, it was too scary to hear such criticisms or in some cases very hurtful or outright abusive statements. When you accept something you acknowledge that it is true, that it has happened. You are not judging it as right or wrong but just as is. However we put ourselves through unnecessary suffering and anguish by resisting. This ultimately causes more pain than the original event. We can’t change the facts but we can change the meaning we assign to them and therefore, move past them.

One of our biggest challenges is accepting things about ourselves. We can tolerate ungodly things from others but wow do we beat ourselves up over the smallest things. Whatever you did yesterday or a year ago has no bearing on who you are today. So along with our resistance to what is comes a whole lot of judgement. Now we add our personal perspective to the equation and things can get really ugly.

As Brene Brown says, “You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”

Acceptance takes practice. However once you get it life becomes increasingly easier on you! It doesn’t mean you are letting someone off for their inappropriate behavior. With acceptance, you are no longer consumed by what they did and now you can move on in a more constructive manner with your life.

This work isn’t for the fainthearted. But the rewards are so worth it!! You can have peace of mind and a forgiving and loving relationship with yourself, which can free you up to take on a new challenge or creative project-the world can open up in incredible ways! Step two of my transformational coaching process is Acceptance. If you would like to learn Acceptance and work with me on a personal one-on-one level, please reach out malduane@gmail.com.

Live Faithfully,