Mal Duane Coach

The Greatest Gifts You Can Give YOURSELF this Holiday Season!

The Holiday Season is in full swing!  That can be a really good thing or totally shitty depending on where you are.  Some of us are alone (single, divorced, widowed) during this time year but it doesn’t need to be a bad thing. I have spent the last three holiday seasons on my own and have used the time to do some deep thinking and writing about my life moving forward.

I had a wonderful dinner with my girlfriends last year, a week before Christmas and I am doing a repeat this year. I ‘ve  got my tree up and the house decorated. I love all the lights and putting out my Christmas Santa’s. Plus, it feels so good to treat these sweet souls to a really special dinner. I love them all dearly.

Sadly, there are other women I know whose lives have changed unexpectedly the past few years like mine did but they are frozen in time, stuck in their pain. Why am I able to move on with my life and they feel like their life is over? I have spent a great deal of time and research the last few months and I know the answers. In fact, this material is the foundation for the new book I am working on. I feel it’s that important.

The most painful experience can be your greatest teacher. I have learned more about myself in the past 24 months than I did in the previous 68 years. Here are some of the greatest gifts I’ve received that I hope you can take into your own life.  

  1. Forgiveness has changed me completely. I was able to untie the chord that kept me stuck in the pain of betrayal and free myself so I could build a stronger relationship with my stepchildren and grandchildren. They are more important to me than anything that had happened in the total collapse of my marriage. I feel so empowered by not being attached to what happened that had hurt me so deeply.
  2. I am more resilient now than I ever could have imagined. I have complete confidence in managing my life and my home. I understand what it takes to get back up and to get going again.
  3. I have a greater capacity for unconditional love. This has opened me up in so many ways. I no longer have all the attachments to “things” or how they should be.
  4. Here’s the biggy!  All women are capable of doing these things. You are no different than I am. I just figured out how to do it.  We do not need to stay broken open from heartbreak and loss. We can heal ourselves! In fact, no one else really can do that for us. It’s our job.
  5. I have stopped pushing myself to do things that don’t feel authentic to me. I have struggled for the past few months with sending emails to all of you weekly. Maybe you noticed, I haven’t sent any for a month or so. I realize that I want to try to communicate in various ways. Maybe recorded video or Facebook Live or group calls on Zoom. More face to face.  For me, it’s more intimate than another email.  I only want to send an email when I have something to share with you that is of value to you.

I wish you every happiness this Christmas and the coming New Year!   I am so excited about 2018. I feel like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon and I’m ready – so ready to fly!

I Was a Cougar THREE Times Last Week!

I am not saying I did anything that would land my ass in jail. But I did have so much fun- even if it was mostly in my own mind.

I can’t deny it puts a smile on my face to see a younger man admiring me. Truthfully ladies-you know you love it too!

My bank visit was unusually entertaining this past week. My regular young teller was super happy to see me. Not sure if it was the motherly relationship advice I give him or my new leggings with skulls which looked particularly good since going sugar free. We had five minutes of really flirty banter when I decided it was time to leave. All I could think of walking to my car was that his mother would kill me. That chilling thought brought me right back to reality.

Two days later I went to a new networking event for my public speaking, which was all about social media.

The founder is an import from across the pond (London) who is a very charismatic, social media genius and adorable to boot. Looking right into my eyes, he starts giving me brilliant tips to increase my engagement online. I’m not sure I heard it all because I was thinking if I were only 25 years younger-holy moly sparks would fly.

I was like a school girl listening to him. It was so much fun. I was giggling to myself as I walked away not realizing I was leaving my eyeglasses behind. I guess I just have to go back to the next meeting to get my glasses. More to come.

I wrapped up the week going to a Halloween party-no costume-no problem. I ‘ll just go as a “cougar”. I had a T-Shirt printed in a couple of hours.

It was so cute with a very short skirt and little suede boots. The Game of Thrones was the big costume theme for the evening. But I must admit I was having so much fun in my little cougar t-shirt. I admit I may have been the oldest person there but you would never know it. I can dance up a storm! I have even included a pic for you. I have my Invisalign braces in so my smile looks a little weird. Was undecided whether to show them or not.

The whole point of this little discussion is-don’t give up! Doesn’t matter if you are single, married, divorced or widowed. You are never too old to have fun. Fantasize, imagine what it would be like! Put a smile on your own face, it’s great for getting rid of the wrinkles.

I think young, act young and feel young which ultimately keeps me very healthy and looking younger than I am.

Ladies, I am on a mission to help you live life to the fullest! You need to know it all starts within you! You are responsible for your own happiness. When you are a vibration of happiness-you’re a magnet for attracting more of it.

Today’s tip-go out and flirt, laugh-have a good time. Don’t take anything too seriously!

It’s Never Too Late!

How many times have you said to yourself, I am too old to do that or I am too old to wear that?Based on what? It’s bullshit.

Let your inner child rip. You know she is still inside of you. She is that little voice that can get very testy when she doesn’t get her way. She is still adventurous and expects you to be.

All of this is running through my mind today as I start to think about another “big, big” birthday which is just around the corner on August 11th.

I don’t feel my age and I know sure as hell, I don’t act it! In fact, I love doing things that challenge me. I am never going to let my age define what I do. Today, I went to a Pilates class and then signed up to do two classes a week for the next month. I think my core needs some strengthening. I was significantly older than the rest of the class.

My daily wardrobe is now T-shirts and yoga leggings. I only get dressed up when I have to. Having my office at home gives me the opportunity to work with Hannah in my lap.

Besides, I might break out into a little dance jam to Bruno Mars for a pick me up!

I have spent the past eight weeks deep in the throes of learning new computer technology such as PowerPoint and ScreenFlow, so I can produce my online courses. This has not been an easy task. But I gotta tell you, I love the challenge. I always have been a bit of a geek.

So how can you break loose this week and drop that old fart mentality? Life’s too short cupcake. 

It’s time to  kick your heels up and have fun. That becomes more apparent as I start to lose friends. One girl I know, a little older than me, passed away yesterday which is really stirring my thoughts on enjoying life more.

Here’s the bomb! I think I’m ready for love again. A nice companion, who likes dogs and the same stuff I do. (Spirituality, crystals, chanting, traveling and maybe a little shopping) Is that too much to ask? I’m putting my order in to the Universe. Must be tall, handsome, good shape, young at heart and love dogs!  Between the ages of 65-75. Oh, and hair and teeth would be nice!

Maybe you know someone or your Dad does? Not kidding. ☺

This Birthday Girl is going to be busy. I am making my own fun. Off next week to Mystic CT with my glorious friend Lisa for a little retreat. Dinner with another girlfriend later in the week. Doing some special classes. Not buying myself anything because I already have everything I want.

The best gift I can get is to know that all of you are working on making yourselves happy.  This is way too important to put in the hands of others!

P.S.

This week, I am on Coffee Talk with Soy. (I apologize the quality of the recording is not great but the content was good.) ——>Tune in HERE!

How to Shut Down the Inner Struggle

Do you wake up some days with two conversations going on in your head?

You toss and turn, there is a tug of war going on about deciding what to do.

One voice says, “stay where you are”, “don’t do anything”, “watch out”, “you can’t do this” which is the limiting voice of the ego. The ego doesn’t like growth, risks, vulnerability and the potential for failure. It’s all about keeping you safe so it thinks.

But how are you to grow and expand in this lifetime without stepping into the arena of challenge, of taking a chance?  Stretching yourself beyond your current limits? You can’t.

The good news is the more you grow, the more that nagging voice will show up. So, recognize it as a very good sign and tell it “I heard you, not to worry, I’ve got this”.

Honestly, I have been hearing it a lot lately. Whenever I start thinking big and reaching for my dreams, my ego starts screaming at me. If I listened to it I would have accomplished none of the great things that I have done in my life.

One side of your brain supports everything you do. That is the loving side that doesn’t get caught in fear.  You can call it spirit, the Universe or your higher self. The name doesn’t really matter but what it says to you does.

The more you nurture your relationship with the loving part of the brain, the fearful voice diminishes.

How do you build your connection to that loving voice in your head?

  1. Simple. Stop multi-tasking. Your brain isn’t wired to do two things at once. When you multi task you are inadvertently weakening your efforts. Things don’t come out as well as they could have.  Your brain is feeling split and starts letting you know by negative self-talk or even condemnation.
  2. Meditation is the fastest way to discover the voice within that comes from your soul. Just allow 5-10 minutes for your mind to settle down. Then just breath and listen.
  3. Journaling is another powerful practice that allows your soul to speak to you. Allow it to flow, no need to push and question intensely.
  4. Oracle cards are fabulous. I use various angel decks, Law of Attraction or Kuan Yin. The cards I pull inspire a wonderful internal dialogue with my higher self.

Now when that crippling internal struggle starts, you can decipher who is speaking to you and acknowledge the voice. It is so much fun standing in your power and making powerful choices that take you places that you used to dream about.

 

The Only Thing Sure is Change

Have you ever thought about all the things you can count on and realized there are none?

It can be a scary idea.

I was doing this the other day and the only thing I could come up with is that life is always changing. Sometimes it feels good and sometimes it doesn’t.

 How do you embrace change and make it work for you?

Immediately, I had a few powerful ideas pop in my head. (I have become proficient in dealing with change.) You don’t have to do it alone. I had great coaches, mentors and I took classes.  I’m here for you. I will show you everything I have learned over the past 28 years.

  1. Do not resist change. Resistance drains your positive constructive energy and leaves you powerless.
  2. Don’t judge what is happening but rather discern from your feelings how it is effecting you.
  3. Make a list of all the choices available to you in this situation. Sit with each one for a while and see which one feels the most in alignment with you. None of them maybe be perfect but one is workable.
  4. Put your choice into play but be open to modifications as you proceed. It may require some changes as you move forward.

The key lesson here is to stay in your power while change occurs. Don’t react quickly but rather contemplate options and then respond. The outcome will be far more comfortable.

Love you ladies, and I support you!