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Resolutions or Intentions? Don’t set yourself up for failure!

Every New Year we set resolutions to diet, to stop a bad behavior, break up with a jerk boyfriend or some other action we think is necessary to be successful or happy.

But wait a minute; three days into the New Year, the resolutions get kicked to the curb. What’s with that?

Why do we fail miserably at keeping our promises to ourselves? Are the resolutions we make realistic for where we are at today? Is there too much dramatic change required to ever get the ball rolling?

‘Resolution’ means finding a solution to a problem or, something settled or resolved. Being 20 pounds overweight or drinking a pitcher of stingers when you are out is far from resolved to me – as is hanging out with that criticizing toad of a boyfriend because you are afraid to be alone.

So should you set resolutions or intentions to create change and stop bad habits? ‘Intention’ is an anticipated outcome that is intended or that guides your planned actions.

I don’t know about you but that sounds a whole lot better to me, when creating change in your life. Especially the part about planned actions. How many times have you anticipated something happening and then it just happened? Voila!

So what planned actions have you decided on to help you accomplish your goals or resolutions for this year? Up to now you probably didn’t have any.

To create change in your life you must set an intention, you are sending out a desire, energetically, so that the Universe can respond by manifesting what you wish. A goal is more like a wish written on a piece of paper.

So how do you set intentions for 2014?

First forget your resolutions if you haven’t already.
Decide what your top 3 intentions to create desired change are for the New Year. Don’t make so many you can’t live up to them. Write them down.
For each intention, write a detailed description of what it looks like. (E.g.: I want to lose 15 pounds and drop 2 pant sizes by 6/30/2014). Be specific about what you want, with a measurable result and a date of completion. Completion dates are instrumental.

Now make 5 action steps for each intention that will support you in achieving your desired outcome (E.g.: Have just one piece of toast at breakfast, no bread at lunch, instead eat protein or vegetables, have an afternoon snack of fruit or yogurt, have dinner portions the size of your fist, do 30 minutes of cardio 4 times a week.

Make sure you read your action steps every day to reinforce your success.

By using this simple process, you will be the action hero of your own life instead of feeling like a failure for not keeping your resolutions.

I would love to hear how you do! I encourage you to set up a discovery session to review your intentions and implementation.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

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Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Forgive and Forget

Twenty five years ago today, I had my last “taste” of alcohol. I hit what is commonly referred to as a “high bottom”. I was a high performing woman, gainfully employed but hit my emotional bottom. The empty shell of a woman that I was, cracked open so the light could touch the dark shrunken soul within me. I had been talking to God and saying that maybe I should die. His reply was “oh no dear child, you can’t leave now, you have way too much work to do”. In a flash my life changed dramatically.

Instantly my thinking went from chaos to clarity.

I no longer was consumed with the self-absorbed me, me, me but now considered the possibility of we, we, we.

I didn’t focus on just getting and started to think about giving.

I realized I was responsible for everything that happens to me and stopped blaming others.

Joy and peace started running through my veins and the struggle for perfection was gone.

I stepped away from my pain and discovered that I had the power to do anything I wanted.

So my dear sisters wherever you are, know that I love you, I understand your story and I am here to help you. I consider myself a spiritual warrior out to slay the dragon of addictive behaviors that spreads the scorching flame of destruction over us.

What better day than today, to make a list of all the old crap, old boyfriends and old stories that you want to leave behind so that you can start tomorrow free from the self-imposed (sadly to say) chains that keep you tied to the past. Rip that list up into tiny little pieces. Burn it CAREFULLY. Dance, twerk or whatever you like, regardless of who is watching. Throw your arms in the air and proclaim your freedom and forgiveness to the moon. Start a new day in a new year with a little less baggage.

If you are interested in the complete story of my journey and amazing transformation, you will find it in my book Alpha Chick: Five steps for moving from pain to power.

Let me know how you feel tomorrow.

Gratefully, your sister in recovery.

Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

What Is the Best Christmas Gift you can give?

[awsmvid play=”0″ hide=”1″ skins=”14″ size=”2″ ]//youtube.googleapis.com/v/zvg7jtIFGpA?fs=1&hd=1[/awsmvid]How about giving someone extra love? It’s free and you will never run out.

Is another electronic gizmo really the way to someone’s heart? What about a beautiful hand written note, telling them how much you value and love them.

Why are we are so quick to criticize the differences we notice in someone else, what are we identifying in ourselves? Let’s embrace our imperfections and those of our loved ones. The universal acceptance could send ripples of energy out to the world could help those struggling with self-love.

How many disasters could we divert by spreading more love and less hate? Many people who lashed out in violence this year did so because of the internal pain they felt.

By practicing and teaching loving kindness you are able to have a profound impact on your community. Your energy will spread to others who will then go and impact even more people. The most important thing you do in life is not how much you acquire but how much you are able to love.

First, start with yourself by showing kindness and forgiveness in your own life, then look at your family. You will receive greater pleasure from this simple gesture than anything you could purchase.

A Buddhist tradition when you are preparing to die is to ask yourself “Did I love well”. Only you can create the answer. Make a resolution to experience life looking through the lenses of love.

When you do this you will create personal growth, more peace in your life and an awakening to your purpose. You are all born with a purpose but it gets covered over by the debris of life.

I am holding in my heart the intention of love for all of you. I value our connection through my blog posts and website. My mission is to serve you and help you with challenges that are taking you away from your purpose and power.

Nothing is more important to me than you reclaiming your life from the emotional gremlin residing within your heart.

My Christmas wish for all of you is live without regret and love well!

Happy Holidays

Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

How to Spot a Growing Addiction

Substance addiction can come in several different forms, stemming from recreational usage or even from a medical prescription. It can be difficult to distinguish between harmless usage and a growing addiction, either in your loved ones or yourself. As far as the physical signs go, here are some behaviors to look out for in those that are close to you.

1. Changes in Physical Appearance
You may be aware of a loved one’s occasional usage of a drug or alcohol, but watch for physical signs exhibited in more inappropriate circumstances. If you notice large pupils, bloodshot eyes, and slurred speech during strange times like a family outing, this could be an important warning sign.

2. Running Out of Prescription Too Soon
If you or someone you know uses up their prescription sooner than the doctor ordered, this could indicate a growing dependency. If there is a desire to continue to receive monthly prescriptions even though the pain has lessened, this is also an indication of potential addiction.

3. Shirking Obligations
Obligations like school and work become less important when the brain is running off of an addiction. Watch for changes in responsibility and behavior; if someone is continually showing up late or skipping work completely, they may be struggling with a developing problem.

4. Change in Finances
If you see a significant change in finances, such as an uncharacteristic lack of funds or even stealing money, this is a big indicator of a consistent habit. If someone is being overly secretive of their finances, it could be that they’re trying to hide where their money is going.

5. Personality and Mood Swings
Any unusual mood swings (especially if they occur more frequently) point to a growing dependence on an addictive substance. Overall drastic personality changes also point to an addiction, so trust your instincts and observations when analyzing your loved ones.

6. Socializing with New Crowd
A sudden change in socializing habits is often connected with teen drug abuse, but it also applies to adults. If a person has dropped a group of friends for a new one, and especially if the new group of friends has questionable habits, this could be an indicator of a slippery future.

What to Do Now?
It’s difficult to recognize some of the signs when you’re looking at a loved one, but as the support system you’ll need to be aware of what’s going on. On the other hand, if you’re worried about yourself and whether or not you’re growing a substance dependency, you can and should be a little more honest with yourself by answering some questions:

• Have you built up a tolerance to whatever substance you’re using “casually,” causing you to use more and more to feel the same effects?
• Do you use the substance to fill a void of some kind, whether the void is represented by sadness, anxiety, or anger?
• Have you begun to use the substance just to feel normal?
• Have you begun to question whether or not you should be using at all anymore, and yet you continue to?

There is hope for you, and you don’t have to wait for all hell to break loose before you get help. There are plenty of teams over medical research in Cleveland, OH and other cities that are working daily to find the best solutions for tackling addiction early. You can find some form of help in every community, whether it be support groups, medical programs, or rehabilitation centers. If you or someone you know seems to be starting a descent into drug addiction, tackle the problem before it’s too late.

Chris Miller is a professional writer, blogger, and English grammar enthusiast. Chris enjoys learning about new health products, procedures, and ideas. For more information about medical research studies done on drug usage and addiction, visit Rapid Medical Research website.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

25 + 25 = 50 Addiction +Recovery

To you, this may look like a simple mathematical equation but actually it represents 50 years of my life. You see, I started drinking at the age of 16 and drank for 25 years before it became unbearable. As many times as I told myself to stop, I just turned around and picked up another drink. People who aren’t alcoholics, or who are not cursed with addictive personalities, just don’t get it.

The bright side to this equation is that I now have 25 years of recovery and live my life as a happy self-loving soul.

Fifty years is a long time to spend focused on and around alcohol. To you it may seem like “Oh my God, what a waste”. But to me, it makes perfect sense. You see, we all have a higher purpose in life. Some of us leave this earth and never know what that purpose was. Well, during my recovery, I discovered exactly what my purpose was:

To teach women that they are infinitely more powerful than they believe: that they do indeed have the power to change their lives and create exactly what their heart desires.

It was part of my journey to come to this realization through my experiences and intense struggle of personal transformation. All of a sudden, I knew exactly why I had traveled the path I had been on. My journey gave me ‘in-the-trenches’ education on how women can become emotionally wounded and continue on a path of self-destruction.

In my case, I developed a feeling of being worthless while I was a teenager. The feelings propelled me into a frenzy of blackouts, severe hangovers and dead-end relationships. In 25 years of drinking, I also had a failed marriage to give me the final push off the cliff, where I did a free-fall into the black abyss of complete hopelessness.

Hopelessness is the most devastating state of mind. You live your life thinking “why bother?” Why bother to get up? Why bother to eat, to plan, to dream or to breathe.

Yup, that’s where my journey took me. I don’t regret it because what I have learned from it you can’t find written in the pages of a book. Even when I wrote my own book, I still couldn’t describe fully what I have learned from years of alcoholism and self-condemnation.

But let me try to summarize what I do know. I was born a perfect being, but then life started to influence the emotional fibers of my mind. Other people’s perceptions and words became more important than my own. I tried to live my life being what others expected of me. I just wanted to fit in and be loved.

I have learned that I am an amazing and talented and loving woman created by God, not to suffer, but to live life with passion and purpose. To share what my lessons have taught me so that others will not make the same mistakes I did. To help women reclaim their lives from the emotional chaos they now live in. So many women are secretly suffering and do not know where to turn. I am here to bring them hope, to help them discover a better way – a path of light no matter how far they have gone in the wrong direction.

We all have ‘befores’ and ‘afters’ in our lives. Some are longer than others. Look at your own life. Is there a defining moment that changed your path? I invite you to share a piece of your story. Feel free to do so here or you can post on my Facebook page www.facebook.com/malduanecoach.

By sharing we not only empower ourselves but shed a beam of light on the path of our beloved sisters.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.