3 Tips for Healing Betrayal

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Honoring loved ones that have passed at the Western Wall in Israel.

On a recent trip to Israel, I had the amazing opportunity to to help a young woman who was lost in her pain from her recent divorce.

The first day I met her I felt her pain, I saw it in her eyes and the way she held herself. We started talking and eventually had dinner together. That’s when I spilled the beans about my new book Broken Open and my own experience with divorce.

Her mouth was hanging open when I told her “my story”. She had been lied to and betrayed as well.

I gave her three important lessons from the book and asked her to take time to journal about them at night and see if she got any revelations in her writing. If you're currently going through a divorce or have experienced betrayal consider the following tips. Bonus: try these as journaling prompts to reveal deeper answers and layers of healing.

3 Tips for Healing Betrayal

1. Someone else’s unconscious behavior has nothing to do with you but is because of an existing void in them.

2. Own your half of the relationship. Where did you overlook or even deny to yourself things that happened?

3. Healing your heart is an inside job that only you can do it for yourself. Don’t expect someone else’s actions to do it.

The last night of the trip we were all together for dinner and she came over and hugged me. I knew what she was going to say. I had seen a dramatic change in her during the trip. I observed firsthand how she became lighter every day and eventually started smiling. My words had inspired her to look within her. She wanted to thank me for changing how she felt about and perceived what happened in her marriage.

Seeing this young woman come back to life made my trip even better than I could have imagined. I never expected to be coaching someone while in Israel. Better yet, the opportunity to help them feel so much better about themselves. God works in strange ways.

What did you discover when you asked yourself these questions? Comment below! I'd love to hear your answers!

5 Steps to Turn Your Dreams to Reality

Do you have a big, juicy, audacious dream?

Something that makes you tingle from your head to the tips of your toes?

Something so fabulous that your inner mean girl says, “no freaking way!" ?

Well ladybug, no dream is too big!

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If it couldn’t happen, you wouldn’t be able to think about it. It means that if you can see it, it already exists somewhere in the cosmos. Shit, nobody ever told me that when I was growing up!

Let me give you some examples. When I was kid, I had a problem reading. I had to take special remedial reading classes. When I decided to write a book in 2009, I could see it, I could feel it.

However, based on my previous challenges, I was probably a long shot. I held the vision and in 2012, Alpha Chick was released and became an Amazon Best Seller with six literary awards.

Since my first book, I have connected with women from all over the globe who've shared my passion to serve women in a meaningful and empowering way. I have to be honest, I never thought I would be emailing and personally interviewing them for my podcast! This is just another example of holding a powerful vision.

In my last email, I suggested taking pictures of your dreams and putting them in a folder.

Now I am challenging you to take action on those dreams.

Here are 5 Steps to Turn Your Dreams to Reality

Who do you need to help you with your dream/vision? Think big again, don’t be shy!
What do you need to do to start the process? Creating a mind map or good outline are excellent places to start.
What are the first three steps you can take to start creating it?
How long do you need to make this happen? Create a time table for yourself. Put dates in your calendar for accountability.
What resources or research do you need?

My own bursts of inspiration have come from going through incredible challenges and difficult things that have knocked me to my knees. I’m suggesting you start manifesting before life throws you an unexpected curveball.

What's a dream you've been dreaming but haven't yet taken action?

Comment below and tell me 3 steps you'll take to make it a reality!

Kick Addiction to the Curb with Veronica Valli

You are now standing in a new year with a clean slate to start creating whatever you want. So maybe it’s time to leave the old baggage behind, the unresolved anger and all the emotional cobwebs which have been inspiring those midnight raids of the cookie jar.

If you want to be happy, it’s your job to make it happen.

You can’t expect other people to change you feelings. This is one of the biggest misconceptions women have. I’ve been guilty of this myself. I spent the first 40 years of my life looking for others to make me happy. We know how that went, not very well.

So instead of: if only ______would_______, I would be so happy.

How about: if I______, I am going to be so happy.

You pick what lights you up.

And ditch those midnight cookie raids. They’re all too addictive.

Speaking of addiction, this week’s guest is a leading authority. She learned about it the hard way.

Veronica Valli is a psychotherapist, recovery coach and Emotional Freedom Practitioner. She is the author of Why You Drink and How to Stop, and Get Sober, Get Free. As the co-host of the Soberful Podcast, she explores issues relating to recovery, getting sober and living an alcohol-free life. She coaches and supports women who want to stay sober and elevate their recovery to fulfill their highest potential. Veronica has been continuously sober for over 18 years.

In this week’s episode, Veronica talks about:

How women drink/eat to kill the pain of being afraid to be themselves
How human behavior manifests as feelings
How some forms of childhood trauma are at the root of addiction
Why women minimize their trauma and pain

and most importantly

Why breaking the pattern of addiction requires total commitment

LISTEN TO THE EPISODE HERE

As a bonus to you, grab a copy of her free Soberful ebook here!

I know dependency on alcohol only too well. However, I celebrated 30 years of recover New Year’s Eve. I am always monitoring my intake of sugar because I like it so much.

So, whether it’s booze, pills, sex, shopping, shoes or sugar, you will get some great info from the show.

I’m here to support you and help those who have broken hearts.

Did you enjoy this episode? Tell me below in the comments!

Get In Touch With Who You Are!

I made a post on Facebook the other day which has inspired that I write this post. I had the most amazing revelation while lying in bed that I am in this totally awesome relationship with myself. It may sound weird but let me explain. This year I have traveled the globe, taken courses, seen movies, tried new restaurants, exercise classes and more…all by myself. And loved every minute of it.

I don’t need to ask for permission or arrange my schedule according to someone else’s. Total blissful freedom to do as I please. I get to keep my favorite books on the bed, get up when I want and wear my comfy jammies at the breakfast table.

Truth be told, I’m having a blast not needing a man in my life. I’m actually thinking of starting a video series called the Single Girl Chronicles to show single women how to have fun!

I have to share this quote with you from Eternal Echoes by John O’Donohue:

Even without the outside lover, you can become the beloved. When you awaken in appreciation and love for yourself, springtime awakens in your heart.

There are so many women who don’t have men in their lives and they feel stuck, lost and alone.

I’ve honestly felt that at times in my own life – but not anymore. I am discovering that you can do lots of wonderful things being single. You don’t need a man to have FUN! It all comes back to what I talk so much about. How you feel about yourself. If you don’t like yourself, you’re not going to be happy alone. Building that confidence of being alone opens you to so many options. Learning new things, taking classes and travel are just a few of my favorites.

For those girls in a relationship, develop some interests separate from your man. A little independence is good for the soul-for the both of you!

More women are uncovering that their own company is a whole lot more fun than crappy company with someone who doesn’t inspire them!

Whether you’re single or happily taken, comment below and tell me about something you can do for YOURSELF (new or old) to HAVE FUN and get in touch with who you are!

I Was a Cougar THREE Times Last Week!

I am not saying I did anything that would land my ass in jail. But I did have so much fun- even if it was mostly in my own mind.

I can’t deny it puts a smile on my face to see a younger man admiring me. Truthfully ladies-you know you love it too!

My bank visit was unusually entertaining this past week. My regular young teller was super happy to see me. Not sure if it was the motherly relationship advice I give him or my new leggings with skulls which looked particularly good since going sugar free. We had five minutes of really flirty banter when I decided it was time to leave. All I could think of walking to my car was that his mother would kill me. That chilling thought brought me right back to reality.

Two days later I went to a new networking event for my public speaking, which was all about social media.

The founder is an import from across the pond (London) who is a very charismatic, social media genius and adorable to boot. Looking right into my eyes, he starts giving me brilliant tips to increase my engagement online. I’m not sure I heard it all because I was thinking if I were only 25 years younger-holy moly sparks would fly.

I was like a school girl listening to him. It was so much fun. I was giggling to myself as I walked away not realizing I was leaving my eyeglasses behind. I guess I just have to go back to the next meeting to get my glasses. More to come.

I wrapped up the week going to a Halloween party-no costume-no problem. I ‘ll just go as a “cougar”. I had a T-Shirt printed in a couple of hours.

It was so cute with a very short skirt and little suede boots. The Game of Thrones was the big costume theme for the evening. But I must admit I was having so much fun in my little cougar t-shirt. I admit I may have been the oldest person there but you would never know it. I can dance up a storm! I have even included a pic for you. I have my Invisalign braces in so my smile looks a little weird. Was undecided whether to show them or not.

The whole point of this little discussion is-don’t give up! Doesn’t matter if you are single, married, divorced or widowed. You are never too old to have fun. Fantasize, imagine what it would be like! Put a smile on your own face, it’s great for getting rid of the wrinkles.

I think young, act young and feel young which ultimately keeps me very healthy and looking younger than I am.

Ladies, I am on a mission to help you live life to the fullest! You need to know it all starts within you! You are responsible for your own happiness. When you are a vibration of happiness-you’re a magnet for attracting more of it.

Today’s tip-go out and flirt, laugh-have a good time. Don’t take anything too seriously!