Mal Duane Coach

Joy and “Holi-daze”

 During this joyful time of year, do you ever find yourself looking for a retail solution to a spiritual problem? Frantically shimmying into a dress maybe one size too small in an effort to find the right holiday party look? Looking for the elusive perfect gift for your difficult brother-in-law and hitting store after store and in a catatonic daze with the florescent mall lighting and muzak giving you a headache? Parched without an Orange Julius in sight?

The holidays have a way of bringing out this type of manic behavior in the best of us. I like to call this phenomenon the “Holi-daze.” A trans-like state through which we function during this overwhelming, over-stimulating, highly drama-filled time of year.

But ‘tis the season and holiday spirit is contagious right about now. Unfortunately, it has a tendency to reach epidemic proportions spreading like a Charlie Sheen rant on Youtube. Although the CDC does not officially recognize this type of sick behavior that inhabits most of the population every December as an ailment, many of us feel the pressure and fatigue building in our bodies and could use a little release from the insanity of Holiday fever. Instead of self-medicating with too much of Aunt Judy’s famous eggnog or clenching your jaw and waiting for the whole ordeal to be over, try a different stance this year by giving yourself the gift that keeps on giving– your personal self worth.

I don’t think I am alone in knowing the feeling of self-esteem taking a whooping around the holidays. The whole pomp and circumstance of December festivities makes the perfect storm for anxiety and insecurity about your life. Factors such as being inundated with boyfriends (or girlfriends) from Christmas (rather: high school) past, buying presents that will take all of 2012 to pay off, dealing with pushy relatives and too much commotion in general all contribute to the well-documented state of holiday blues. But there is one element within your control and that is how you treat and view yourself amidst all of the flurry.

For me, the holidays pose an added layer of stress and, sometimes, frustration. As a recovered alcoholic, these weeks create some vivid recall from my drinking days when Christmas cheer was synonymous with an icy martini and a long night of revelry. But today I have a different agenda in approaching the holiday season. I look forward to genuine time spent with my family and the gift of seeing people close to me that have since moved far away. A successful season is not measured by how great and extravagant the parties and dinners were that I attended. Instead, I look at how meaningful my interactions have become and what a blessing it is to connect with people in the spirit of true joy and giving. For me, this constitutes self-worth. My attitude shift toward my own value as a person, sister, friend and aunt has permeated my relationships with all of those around me.

I place more value now on feeling comfortable in the midst of others and I receive satisfaction in knowing that my more thoughtful and reflective style of communicating makes others feel comfortable as well. I believe people feed off the energy of those by whom they are surrounded. Now I am attracting interesting characters that have something real to say. My new energy comes from my internal transition; the time I have taken to reflect and appreciate what I have to offer.

If you are visiting Mal’s site and reading this column, it is already clear that you are interested in a exploring a road to self-discovery. I am equally willing to wager that you are finding some pretty terrific facets of yourself. So during this holiday season, I invite you to take a little time for yourself in between shopping, cooking and refereeing your relatives to enjoy spending time with someone who knows you best and misses you—yourself. Whether it is meditating or simply deep breathing for five minutes, taking a bath or going for a pedi, give yourself a gift that does not cost a penny but keeps delivering in abundance. Give yourself the best of you.

Shining brightly,

Erin2.0

 

Erin 2.0 recently celebrated her second anniversary as a sober person with friends, family and her shih tzu, Purdy. After years of living in London, New York, Chicago, Miami and San Francisco for work and play, she finally hung her hat in Texas where she is currently doing post-graduate work in Addiction Counseling. Her next goal is to get a ten-gallon hat.

 

Single, Sober and Sailing through the Holidays

Erin 2.0

“I am allergic to alcohol… I break out in handcuffs.” I love that line. It is always a crowd pleaser in a social situation; the ensuing boisterous laughter is an assuaging ego boost. It also has the added benefit of reminding me that I am still the same pithy, witty woman I was once upon a time before my drinking career careened out of control, ran a few red lights, got into some fender benders and eventually accumulated some serious enough accidents; eventually there was no choice but to hit a brick wall.

Fast forward a couple of years and that enchanting creature who left crowds roaring and toasted many towns is back on the party train– sober and loving it. The most notable difference being that I now remember my raucous good nights on the town. Equally important is that I get to wake up the next day feeling bright-eyed and well rested. It is also notable that I no longer have regrets and remorse from any of the previous night’s activities. I am a recovered alcoholic. My name is Erin. Consider me your conduit for sober fun and tips for staying sober during the most binge-drinking time of the year (can be sung along to the tune of “Most Wonderful Time of the Year”.)

December is that special time of year that makes all other less party-filled months pale in comparison. For instance, June has nothing on December when it comes to festive celebrations. I cannot recall anyone in my social circles loading up the back of their SUV with strapping boxes of premium liquor and wine, polishing their crystal glassware and hiring a couple of bartenders for Flag Day. Do not even get me started on April. For the drinking party-goer that is a rough patch. I guess one could always convene with a group of like-minded party lovers to commiserate over the showers or start preparing for a May flowers party over a couple bottles of Chardonnay.

I think you may see where I am going with all of this. We live in a culture that loves to celebrate. And that is fabulous. But we also live in a culture that loves to imbibe. Alcohol. That is a trickier proposition for those of us that do not drink or party in the hard sense, for whatever personal or health reason. After a couple of years of not drinking in social situations, I am actually looking forward to the social events that I will be attending this Holiday season.

The next several weeks of holiday festivities and New Years parties are the perfect time of year for sober-minded individuals to have the opportunity of collectively celebrating their freedom from the almighty bottle. For me, it has become a time to enjoy myself and be fully present in the moment when I meet up with people that I do not see often enough or maybe meet an interesting recruit in the crowd. I have found I am a better listener and assume I am a more enjoyable conversationalist by not repeating myself and punctuating my loud remarks with huge swigs of my dangerously empty drink. Perhaps my most endearing new trait is my eye contact which happens often now since I am not always eyeball surfing over the heads of the crowd in search of a passing waiter with a platter of drinks.  It is a new twist and actually a welcome challenge to socialize without a liquid buffer in my hand.

In my opinion, the genuine pleasure to be amongst the company of others must come from within. By this I mean an individual must enjoy their own company before they invite others over to play. I can be quite the wise grasshopper when I wax philosophic. The confidence and enjoyment that I feel within myself when I am around others began with my recovery process from alcohol and, ahem, other things. As many of you know, alcohol is merely a symptom of a greater problem. Mind altering substances are a way to numb your feelings and your life. So going through the process of giving up chemicals while doing the work to find out who the person is underneath can be truly exhilarating and gratifying. I sincerely believe this applies to you as much as it does to my own personal experience. 

I feel comfortable in my recovery and continually awed by the accompanying positive changes I have seen in myself and my life. How I feel about myself translates into how I behave and view others today. In my previous incarnation, I did not know who I was because being an active alcoholic consumed my identity. It takes so much less out of me to develop my social skills and work on my personal development than it did to plan my next drink. I find this approach is works in my relationship with me, God and others. I just giving my public they want.

I will approach my social engagements this season (hopefully with you in tow!) as a single woman. I live in Texas, known for its sprawling landscape, awesome barbeque and friendly folks. A lesser known quality about this part of the Lone Star state is the high percentage of married couples and permanently paired-off ones. They will more than likely be my fellow party guests. This creates a new and different situation for Erin 2.0 (as I like to refer to myself on occasion as a reference to my new incarnation as a delightful sober woman). My motivation for attending parties these days has nothing to do with free drinks or meeting the future Mr. It is refreshing and a little daunting to go out with no agenda or expectations.

Happy Everything,
Erin 2.0

P.S. Stay tuned next week when I hit the party circuit!

Erin 2.0 recently celebrated her second anniversary as a sober person with friends, family and her shih tzu, Purdy. After years of living in London, New York, Chicago, Miami and San Francisco for work and play, she finally hung her hat in Texas where she is currently doing post-graduate work in Addiction Counseling. Her next goal is to get a ten-gallon hat.