Happiness – Page 4

Life Recovery Formula: Awareness + Acceptance = Serenity

“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” -William James

Human-Acceptance- It’s not life’s experiences that are causing your pain and suffering, it is your resistance to them. The harder you push, the greater the discomfort. You set yourself up for disappointment by having unrealistic expectations. You get so stuck in your own ideas and notions on how something should be.

Many of the expectations you form are based on past experience and not on your current reality. You may have been hurt in the past which left deep emotional scars on your heart. However, that does not mean that everything that happens from that point will have the same impact or turnout. You desperately try to manipulate the situation and rather than let it unfold, you try to control the outcome to no avail.

The mini me voice in your head is constantly advising you, and most times commanding you, to do things a certain way. You have heard enough “shoulds” to last a lifetime. How do you stop this mini war between you and the egotistical you that instructs, tries to control and pushes back? You need to stop “shoulding” on yourself now! Open your mind and heart to the flow of life instead of trying to swim against the current.

Acceptance will release you from the painful resistance and start to connect you with your current reality in a comforting way. If you look at things through the eyes of acceptance, you will recognize that old fears and perceptions were controlling your decisions and connection to those around you. Accept people the way they are, don’t try to fit them into a preconceived mold that you think is acceptable. You will notice that your connections will deepen and you will naturally feel closer to people.

Learn to relax, utilize a spiritual practice to help you connect with your inner truth. As you relax, the resistance dissolves and your life becomes measurably more enjoyable. Once we recognize our resistance and release it, we actually have more input in the desirable outcome of events that are important to us. Learning this skill is crucial to our success. It is the starting point for learning to be calm and negotiate, stops us from sabotaging new and rewarding relationships and setting boundaries instead of withdrawing and/or internalizing anger and powerlessness.

Three steps to get into the flow.

1. Become aware of your feelings/fears about the situation you are dealing with.

2. Are you reacting to the current situation or are your feelings surfacing from a past event?

3. Acknowledge the current situation and stay fully present in the moment. What can you be grateful for right now?

Life can be so much easier than you make it, if you become aware of your feelings and discern if they are justified.

Live Faithfully,
Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

The Life Recovery Formula™

Self-care + Self-worth + Happiness = Recovery

When life presents us with excruciating challenges, who do we take care of last?

I am honored to be teaching a class for an amazing group of women in a recovery facility. Over and over, the topic of abusing ourselves comes up. These women recognize that they put themselves last and take care of others first. Even people that have harmed them or been unkind come before they do?

Sadly, this is a common situation with women in general. We habitually put ourselves last. My thoughts are if American airlines is telling you to put your mask on first if the plane is going down, is a pretty strong statement about taking care of yourself before helping others. If we don’t, we run out of oxygen. Get the picture!

The practice of self-care over a period of time creates a stronger, self-loving confident woman that becomes a better contributor in everything she does. Her relationships, her employment and physical demeanor all become measurably improved.

Here are some tips on how to put you first.

Take one hour in the morning for meditation/spiritual practice. If you need to get up an hour earlier than everyone else.
Schedule a treat for yourself weekly. Maybe a mani/pedi or a message. How about a new book?

I just finished reading Debbie Ford’s “Courage”. Great information about pushing through life’s challenges.

Take a walk in the middle or the end of the day, get some exercise and fresh air. It is a great place to think through important decisions.
A new perfume, lipstick, or makeup can be a real refresher when we need it.
Maybe watch an old romance movie on TV? Curl up with a cup of lavender or green tea.
Create a vision board with pictures of things you would like to attract into your life. This is a very powerful practice. (Worked on my getting my home and my dog)
Get a personal Life/Recovery coach for a session on how to create the life you deserve.

I would love to know about some of your favorite things that you do to nurture yourself. Feel free to comment here.

Remember, grab your mask first. It will all the difference to the ones you love.

Live Faithfully,
Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Authentic empowered women sharing!

I want to thank you all for participating in the Positive Mental Shift Teleseminar. To everyone – I am so blessed and thankful to each of you. To the beautiful speakers, your vulnerability and courage inspired me. To my listeners, your emails and comments really touched my heart and I want to share one with you that stood out to me.

Jane L. wrote:

“I just listened to Jodi Chapman’s story (@jodi_chapman), and although my circumstances are different we have learned the same things, in adversity we grow if we are open to it. A power is always there to redirect out paths as I discovered, and whatever I need will present itself in a myriad of ways. I hear voices direct me, i.e. Thanks for these ladies sharing their lives and to you for making it happen!”

I would love to hear more from you, the listeners. Who was your favorite speaker and why? Who would you like me to interview next? Should I be interviewing you for the next PMS? Please reach out to me and tell me why!! @alphachickbook or mal@alphachick.com

I want to plan another series and I want it to impact your life and your business in a positive way. I want you to walk away feeling inspired, empowered, full of creativity and less alone and shamed. More than anything, as Jane wrote above, I want you all to be able to tap into that inner guidance system, God, spirit and shift your thinking to thoughts that work FOR you. To stop whatever negative spiral your brains is on, and get it to only speak loving, supportive, kind words to yourself. I know it’s possible and all of the speakers on PMS have made this incredible shift in their own lives.

Knowing you have everything you need inside of you, and being able to tap into that (because you have cleared away self-hating talk) gives you the power to make the small shifts that will lead you to the life of your dreams. You will have a peace and a hope that you can have the relationship, job, whatever is your heart’s desire.

Those of you who heard my interview with the amazing Katana Abbott, @KatanaAbbott, know that she was helping me with my nonprofit organization that I am very excited about. It is called Holly’s Gift. I am in the process of filing papers for the approval as a 501(c)(3).

We have commitments from some online educational companies to help train women in recovery to become virtual assistants. They will be trained in the necessary computer skills to be eligible for employment as a virtual assistant when they are released. This will help the women remain accountable, give them some responsibility and boost their self-esteem. Many of these women have no financial resources, do not have cars or wardrobes so this is a perfect way to get them back into the job market.

Rehab can be a scary, lonely time of facing painful truths and consequences. My hope is that we can give these women the skills and the encouragement to begin to create the lives of their dreams and gain financial independence. Recovery does not mean just stopping the substance, behavior etc. It means creating an environment where the behavior is no longer desirable. I’ll be sharing more about Holly’s Gift so sign up for my newsletter or tweets for updates. Let’s make rehab a time of relaunch and reclaiming our lives!

Live Faithfully,
Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over thirty Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Recovery and Relationships: The Guy is just the Frosting on the Cake!

The Guy is just the Frosting on the Cake!!!

I had an insight once that I shared with my husband. I told him that women have it backwards. Our lives (our interests, our goals, our businesses and our spirituality) – that is the cake.

The guy is just the frosting!

For many years I didn’t know this and therefore, I experienced a few relationships where I was hurt badly. When a relationship ended, I would obsess over why I wasn’t good enough and beat myself up, over and over.

I was constantly looking for someone to fill up the emptiness inside me and to love me. If I had been honored and celebrated and approved of as young girl I would not have done this. I would have known that I was amazing and wonderful. Instead I was full of fear, doubt and insecurity.

And so when I first began drinking it was a relief. It takes a lot of effort to be out in the world constantly worrying if people like you, if you made any mistakes, what someone thinks about you. Alcohol solved a lot of those problems temporarily. I could take on a different persona. I could blend in, be more outgoing or more confident.

But those fears never got addressed. The alcohol just buried them deeper.

Those insidious feelings of unworthiness, or loneliness lead us to look for a man to solve our issues. If I have him, we think, these feelings/responsibilities/my past will all disappear.

Even worse, the guys we are attracted to are especially inept or downright incapable of validating us. Without change, we attract what we have already experienced. Just as our parents may have treated us poorly or didn’t communicate to us our innate value and beauty, the guys we like will have the same deficiencies.

Of course we have to take some responsibility. We may present ourselves as people pleasers and excuse them for cancelling plans at the last minute. We don’t mind! It’s okay! We present ourselves as carefree drinkers when we really want sobriety and to be at home.

It’s like lying on your resume and saying you have great Excel skills. You get the job at and then are surprised when they give you spreadsheets to do. How dare they!

Men aren’t the enemy either. Many of them are looking for love just like we are.

Getting God involved is a great idea. Ask Him to bring you the person He thinks would be best. Looking at the truth and no longer allowing someone to mistreat you is the only way to regain self-respect.

When we look at a picture of a cake, all we can see is the pretty frosting on the outside. When we cut into it, we can see the structure and beauty of all of the layers.

What is inside is up to you to decide. And it can be whatever you want it to be.

Live faithfully,
Mal

If you are struggling with a relationship and need support sorting it out please download my FREE action guide for Personal Transformation at www.alphachick.com

Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over thirty Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

The Focus On Happiness

Come on get happy!

June is a great month to focus on happiness. There are all kinds of great things going on that create happiness for families everywhere. Graduations and weddings fill this month’s calendar, but on a more personal note, how are you going to experience happiness this month?

Here are five suggestions that can

really put a smile on your face

Start a gratitude journal.Write five things down at the end of the day that you really appreciated. You will not believe how this energy grows and before you know it you will be experiencing so much appreciation in your life for all the wonderful small things you never noticed before.
Connect with nature. Now is the prettiest time of year, whether you live at the beach, the mountains or even in a city. Flowers are in bloom and people are embracing the warm weather and wearing colorful, fun fashions. Take walks, take pictures, create a vision board of all the beautiful things you see outside. Pinterest is an invite only social media site which is a great tool for sharing images online. If you are not already on Pinterest ask me for an invite. If you are, .
Connect with animals. Being around animals brings a wonderful feeling of connection that you can’t find anywhere else and Summer is the perfect time of year to adopt a pet. Local shelters have many cat and dogs of all ages and temperaments just waiting to be adopted. If you’re not ready for a full time commitment, why not get your dose of complete and unconditional love by pet sitting for a friend, volunteering at a local shelter or fostering a shelter pet until a suitable home can be found.
Volunteer. Helping others just feels good. This time of year there are tons of charitable events to get involved in: participate in a walk or run for a charity that is important to you; join your community garden or start one; donate your time to local organizations that help kids or the elderly. When you give you feel so much better than when you are receiving.
Celebrate. There are so many wonderful events happening in June. The founding of Alcoholics Anonymous, Father’s Day, Flag Day, Summer Solstice, outdoor concerts and street fairs and Take Your Dog to Work Day, one of my dog, Hannah’s favorites. Get out there and be HAPPY, it’s contagious!

Happiness is an important seed in the garden of our soul. I love this quote which really describes how we are each responsible for our own happiness and the need for it to nourish and grow.

“Happiness and sadness run parallel to each other. When one takes a rest, the other one tends to take up the slack”

Hazelmarie Elliott

Live Faithfully,

Mal Duane

Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over thirty Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.