Self Love – Page 4

Self-Esteem – How to Improve Your Self-Image

“I have low self-esteem, but I express it the healthy way… by eating a box of Double-Stuff Oreos.”

Miranda – as played by Cynthia Nixon on Sex and the City

Ok, I admit it; I am definitely a self-love junkie! The definition of a self-love junkie is someone who has traded hating and abusing themselves for loving and caring for themselves. A woman who shows up looking good and has put effort into her appearance, not for others, but to honor herself. This isn’t someone who is constantly taking SELFIEs. It’s a woman who isn’t afraid to spend time on herself and her wellbeing, knowing she deserves to feel and look good and that this can truly impact others in a positive way.

There is no pill, drug, book, man or woman that will do more for you than your own self-love. You don’t have to buy it, eat it or sleep with it. How cool is that?

Once I was able to discard all the masks from false perceptions that I had been wearing and discovered my inner divine self, my life transformed dramatically. You see, I firmly believe that low self-esteem and lack of self-love is the root of all evil for women as well as men.

It is those ongoing thoughts of fear that you are not good enough that keep you chained to old behaviors, abusive relationships and jobs you freaking hate. Why live your life as a hostage?

What if you did an about face? You wouldn’t have to chase love, it would show up and you would recognize it. Where did we learn to stay out of the way, to not shine or be noticed? It is a painful awakening to realize our destructive patterns are desperate attempts to fill in what should have been given, what we needed to develop properly, as self-loving women.

I want you to think about this for a minute. Anything in your life that is not living up to your expectations or is painfully challenging is because you don’t feel in your heart that you are worthy of having it. If you don’t feel that you deserve happiness what you attract will fulfill those exact thoughts of unworthiness. Energy is a magnet for what you want in life. When you send out negative energy you create a negative experience. You can even impact your health.

That is the missing key to The Secret! The Law of Attraction is so powerful. You can go around all day thinking I want this or that but if you feel deep within you that you are not worthy, the game of manifestation is over.

The good news is that your self-love and self-worth are your responsibility. Things may happen in your life that can put a ding in your armor but only you have the ability to fix it. Many of us go through life lacking self-worth because of old experiences or as a result of broken relationships that we’ve had. But these things do not define our worth as human beings. We need to know our self-worth is not a reflection of other’s opinions. Understanding this is the crux of creating new beliefs.

I am not trying to oversimplify your current unhappiness, fear or lack of wellness but you have more control over this than you think. It takes work. It takes commitment and discipline. But to create the life you desire, why not?

Once you become perfectly honest and open to seeing yourself with a loving heart, the negative emotional framework of self-condemnation disappears.

There are three things you can focus on daily to increase your feelings of self-love and worth.

You are a divine being put on this earth with a purpose to fulfill (although maybe you haven’t discovered it yet).
You have a divine birthright to be happy, joyful and passionate, knowing you are worthy.
When you release the busyness of your mind and connect with the silence of your soul, you will discover your authentic self.

Remember that life’s challenges are stepping stones to your own success. By loving yourself and holding on to a belief of your self-worth you can dramatically change your life and the path you will travel.

*This article was previously published on MariaShriver.com.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

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Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Honesty + Innovative Thinking = Self-Actualization

“No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you’ve come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself.” –Madonna

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” –Ernest Hemingway

Do you know who you REALLY are? Do you know who you WANT to be? Perhaps you are tired of seeing yourself through the eyes of others whose vision may be distorting what they see when they look at you. Maybe you feel imprisoned by other people’s perceptions of you becoming your definition, your image, and the way you feel about yourself. If we live our lives attempting to live up to the expectations of others we will be constrained by a bar set too high, by unachievable standards of unrealistic perfection. We must live by our own truth.

If we try some new and exploratory thinking with open-mindedness, we may gain some indispensable confidence and courage in our ability to change. We will begin a gradual transformation of who we are and how we feel about ourselves.

Have you ever aspired to be an artist? Let’s try it. Let’s envision a newly created picture of our self. Imagine a clean, white, flawless canvas. Starting with today, as a woman in Recovery, fill in the background with all of your past experiences, relationships, your journey of life so far. This is what makes you unique; it has molded you into who you are today so it has to be your backdrop. Now gently wash over it to remove any guilt, shame, and remorse. The past is in the past and you cannot change it. There is no purpose in continuing to relive it, you are only hurting yourself. You are forgiven, and today is a new beginning. With willingness, motivation, and determination, you will create a new picture of your self emerging in sobriety. Consider the positive adjectives like: CLEAN AND SOBER, beautiful inside and out, strong, intelligent, loving, kind, patient, funny, considerate, tolerant, spiritual, devoted, understanding, creative, talented, gifted, dependable, mindful, colorful, stylish, respectful, and magnificent! As your picture becomes more clear, do you like what you see? Have you felt in the past as though the people in your life have trapped you in a rigid box and there was no way out? Did it become a self-fulfilling prophecy, a negative downward spiral? If we continuously hear negative things about ourselves, we come to believe them. “Everyone says I am a useless and hopeless drunk or drug addict, so I may as well be that because that’s what I am!!”

These changes are not going to happen overnight. But, as in every aspect of recovery, we start with baby steps. Dare to stick your toe outside the boundary of the box, just a little bit to “test the waters”, try something new and different. Remind yourself that though it might be a little uncomfortable and unnatural, it won’t be fatal. You will experience the exhilaration of successfully accomplishing something different. You will realize your power to break through your habitual behavior. And having accomplished this, you will become more comfortable with life outside of your self-imposed limits and you will venture further the next time. Before you know it, you will be taking leaps beyond where you have been stuck, for a long time, in desperation.

Live Faithfully,
Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Initiative = Accomplishment: Everything Starts Within Us

Why do you spend so much time blaming other people or situations for your own misfortunes? I guess it might be easier to pin the tail on another donkey!

Maybe it is time to be accountable, even if for only yourself. You have the ability to do, and to choose as you please. All your decisions are yours to make, not someone else’s.

To create things that you desire, you need to take the initiative. Action could start with thoughts, which can lead to an image, which can bring about the physical reality of what you want.

In fact, what you are doing is putting the Law of Attraction to work for you. But you have to take the initiative first. Here are a few steps to help you create what you desire:

Start with your thoughts; getting clear and then asking for what you want.
Take the action steps that are necessary to put your desire into motion. This is the initiative that most people leave out.
Start to feel and live as if your desire has shown up. This is the allowing part of the creative process. You need to believe that your desires are going to show up and allow them time and space to do so.

If you would like to learn more about the Life Recovery Process and creating what you desire, check out my web page about the symptoms of not living with passion and purpose by clicking here.

I am passionate about helping women to recover their lives and to clearly identify the behaviors that are keeping them chained to the past. Life Recovery Coaching is a process for helping all women become the best expression of their divine selves.

Live Faithfully,
Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Self worth + Self care = Joy

The deepest and most painful wounds come from self-condemnation. Yet, we keep doing it over and over to ourselves until the flesh is almost gone from our bones.

Some of us use a form of addiction as a band-aid to those wounds. But nothing ever really suffices; they just get deeper and more painful. All the alcohol or drugs that you can take only numb the pain temporarily. What is really needed is a shift in how you think about yourself.

Funny thing is, as simple as it seems, why do you struggle so much with thinking good things about yourself?

It all starts with childhood and the perceptions other people have. You‘re born with a clean slate, as a perfect little being and then you meet your parents. I am not saying that they are not loving or good but just that they have their own ideas which start to become your ideas.

How about little Johnny from next door that calls you a name or pushes you down in the yard? Holy crap, that one can last a lifetime and turn into some huge melodrama in your emotional development.

If you could look at this “stuff” that you collect along the way as not an accurate representation to who you are but just other’s perceptions, your life could change dramatically.

Very early in life we realize we are separate beings from our mothers and we can choose what we want. Follow a three year old around for an hour, you will hear “mine, mine, mine”. We just need to do the same thing with our thoughts.

No one can love you better than you. You know yourself and your deepest desires. You know the truth about you. You know the good and the bad. The relationship you have with yourself will be the most important one in your life. Make it a loving, respectful and nurturing one.

Self love starts with good self care. Eating healthy and honoring your body. Think of it as a temple for the magnificent soul within you. If you think of yourself this way, it is easier to stop many of your bad habits.

Look in the mirror daily and embrace your magnificence. Don’t compare yourself to false images from magazines or TV. Those models are not real representations of women today. They are touched up replicas or altered images.

Treat yourself to something nice every week. Maybe a movie or a manicure? If you don’t treat yourself nicely do you think anyone else will?

Please feel free to share some of the ways you love yourself. The best reply will win a personally autographed copy of Alpha Chick and a free Discovery Session.

Live Faithfully,
Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Consistency means “Adhering to Principles”

In Alpha Chick, my mission is to help you discover your path to purpose and power. One of the steps on the path involves establishing new principles in your life. Principles are like pillars; they create support and a solid foundation for your life.

Once you have taken the time to establish new principles in your life, adhering to them becomes easier. When you become distracted by painful events, pulling you off your path of purpose and power, you can utilize the principles you have instilled into your life. Everything in life requires support, our physical bodies, our minds and everything we engage in has a form of support associated with it.

If you do not take time from your “busyness” to create support for yourself, then your life becomes unmanageable and you lose consistency. Consistency can create comfort for many and enormous angst when it disappears.

How could you create consistency in your life?

1. Daily spiritual/meditation practice. Focusing within rather than concentrating on external circumstances.

2. Accepting yourself just as you are and understanding that all that happens has a purpose for your individual growth.

By developing powerful principles to live by and utilizing them, you empower yourself and attract that which you seek. Consistency is not a daily “habit”. It pulls much more divine energy into it for personal fulfillment.

Start to establish consistency for yourself and please share with us here the rewards you receive.

Live Faithfully,
Mal Duane

Mal Duane is a certified Personal Life Coach with more than 23 years in recovery from alcoholism, who has overcome devastating life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships and attract that which they most desire, as she has, through a connection to the divine power within. Her book Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power is coming in February 2012.

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