Sense of self

3 Ways to Stop People Pleasing in Relationships

Are you guilty of being a people pleaser, stepping over your own values and accepting inappropriate behavior just to keep peace?

I know I have in the past. I was thinking this morning how women have been conditioned to put their needs aside and make other people’s desires more important than their own. I know it’s easy to think you’re being generous but it’s really about being a “GIVER”, one of the personalities I write about in Broken Open: Embracing heartache and Betrayal as Gateways to Unconditional Love.

Givers are one of four different personalities with Love Stories that I discuss and one that I am personally familiar with.

Givers develop an understanding of how to get and give love when they’re small children learning from their parents and other adults around them. Very quickly they learn that love is conditional. If I do that, you will love me.

If I don’t do that, you will tell me I’m wrong, and you’ll withhold love.

So of course, you formulate early on it’s better to give, and give and give in order to get. Love is conditional. This become your love story and the lenses with which you see love.

You grow up and continue to use the same old lenses in your current relationships. It’s like using old data to evaluate a current situation. It’s not effective.

I’ll cover the other personalities in another blog.

The Giver is the one that is most prevalent.

You always feel like you have to “earn” love and overcompensate to keep it.

Here are 3 ways to break this destructive pattern:

Look at your relationships and see where you have sacrificed your own needs on the altar of love.
Start to put attention on your needs and how you are able to fulfill them.
Recognize when you are making a choice that goes against your values and stop and reassess.

Any old negative pattern can be changed once you aware that you are doing it. It’s like cleaning your house once you know where the dirt is.

You came to this planet, a clean slate untouched by human opinions and then you meet your parents!

I’m not saying they’re not good people, but they have their own opinions and perceptions on how things should be done that they got from their parents.

It’s time for you to create your story the way it feels right for you.

Do you identify as a GIVER? Comment below and share your thoughts!

3 Tips for Healing After Emotional Turmoil

I am feeling so much love for all the women who have trusted me and purchased Broken Open.

Every word, every lesson in the book is intended to lift you up from feelings of unworthiness and heartache.

Emotional pain is a very strong energy that can consume you without you really being aware.

It slowly sucks the life out of you and then ultimately, your ability to make rational decisions.

You end up being triggered, highly reactive and making poor choices.

Decisions driven by anger and resentment get you more of the same. It’s a vicious cycle. In the book I offer many practices to help you recognize when you are stuck in that dark place and things to do to get out of it.

You never want to make big decisions while under the throes of emotional craziness.

Step back, breath and take some time to reconnect with your body and get out of your screaming head.

Put your hands over your heart and tell the wounded little girl inside you that you have got this.

Let her know there is nothing to fear.

Sadly, you can’t change a situation after you have blurted out in anger your irrational demands.

After the book launch, I went straight to Kripalu to decompress from all the magnificent energy of birthing Broken Open, I spent the weekend in a class with one of my favorites, Matt Kahn who teaches love heals everything.

Here are few of his key takeaways:

3 Tips for Healing After Emotional Turmoil

You can’t create healing for yourself when you're stuck in judgment
If you don’t have what you want, it must not be what you need.
When you take time to love yourself, you have that much more to give to the world.

What do you think of his tips? Comment below and share!

5 Ways to Heal Stronger After Heartbreak

In my darkest moments, I never envisioned that I would write a book.

When I was in the midst of the massive shit storm I experienced, I never imagined what the future could bring, least of all a new book.

Some days it was hard to just get out of bed.

Early on I was in my “why me”, victim mentality mindset.

I had covered over my feelings for so long that it was now time to be honest about what I was feeling.

However, I didn’t stay there too long because it didn’t seem to help.

I knew my heart was broken. What was I going to do?

That question seemed so overwhelming at first but as the days went by and I kept asking myself, what can I do…an awful lot of answers started showing up.

That was the beginning of the arduous journey of moving from the darkest day in my life to healing my shattered heart.

The more I questioned myself, the more truth I uncovered about me.

I realized I had buried so many things in my life that potentially impacted how I looked at my marital situation now. I had old beliefs, old love stories that were judging my current experience.

Looking to myself for attainable solutions was the wisest thing I did.

Expecting someone else to do something, to make me feel better, to make things right - was a losing proposition.

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Broken Open: Embracing Heartache and Betrayal as Gateways to Unconditional Love is a powerful guide showing you how to heal your heart. Through the process of self-inquiry, I discovered a pathway to healing my heart and so you can you...

5 Ways to Heal Stronger After Heartbreak

Ask yourself the tough questions to get to and uncover your truth.
Take small actionable steps to strengthen yourself.
Remember, you are not the experience-it has no bearing on your value as a woman
Someone else’s actions are about the void in them
Forgiveness is the only path to freedom

Meeting so many women who were suffering from betrayal and heartache inspired me to do the deep work so that I could find a way to heal ourselves.

My greatest wish is that you find wholeness and happiness again or share it with a friend in need. It is possible…I am living proof.

How has heartbreak made YOU stronger? Comment below and share your story!

How to Manifest What you Want

You might think that taking care of everyone else’s needs first is going to win you a merit badge. Well truth be told, no one is going to hand you an award, but they will continue to take advantage. Not that they are being A-holes, they’re just used to you to sacrificing yourself on their behalf. Do you think it might be time to change?

Why do women put themselves last?

I know part of it comes from conditioning as a child. Don’t take too much, leave some for others. Wait your turn. Then it snowballs from there. By the time we are grown women in relationships, we accept the breadcrumbs thrown our way. Well my sweet, I think you deserve the whole freaking bakery.

It’s time to stop depriving yourself of what you want, what makes you happy and the things that will really float your boat.

You need to start treating you like #1 and the rest of the planet will get a wakeup call.

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I will repeat this until I am blue in the face: you are worthy, you are actually a divine being made of the same stuff as the stars and the ocean.

You are a part of source energy.

So, start treating yourself like you have value.

Whether you’re married, spoken for or flying solo, you need me-time. Time where you do yummy things just for you. Maybe it’s a dance class, an art class, a meet up or spa visit. You need to treat yourself to things that fire you up.

Here’s your homework: Have fun with this!

Make a list of the top ten things you wish you could have or do.

Take pictures and then more pictures of them from magazines, brochures etc. with your phone.

Create a new folder for all of them, call it Dreams or Vision board.

Start looking at those pictures every day and ideas will start to come to you on what you need to do to make it happen.

I have shared my folder for 2018. I went to India, traveled to California two times, took some amazing classes, went on a few shopping sprees and bought myself some really nice things. I wote a new book and took really good care of myself.

Nothing is out of your reach. You can have anything you want if you allow yourself to.

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I have got some great wish pics in 2019 my folder. I made a New York Time Best Seller image for my new book, Broken Open. I have a condo in Solano Beach, CA and I am going to Israel (I’m actually leaving very soon) and taking a luxurious cruise from Singapore to Hong Kong and it’s only February. I’ll keep looking at my DREAM folder and adding to it.

The first step in this manifestation process is knowing you are deserving of it. Then seeing it, believing it, and finally living as if it is done and on its way.

What are the top 5 things you want to manifest in the next few months? Tell me below in the comments!

Get In Touch With Who You Are!

I made a post on Facebook the other day which has inspired that I write this post. I had the most amazing revelation while lying in bed that I am in this totally awesome relationship with myself. It may sound weird but let me explain. This year I have traveled the globe, taken courses, seen movies, tried new restaurants, exercise classes and more…all by myself. And loved every minute of it.

I don’t need to ask for permission or arrange my schedule according to someone else’s. Total blissful freedom to do as I please. I get to keep my favorite books on the bed, get up when I want and wear my comfy jammies at the breakfast table.

Truth be told, I’m having a blast not needing a man in my life. I’m actually thinking of starting a video series called the Single Girl Chronicles to show single women how to have fun!

I have to share this quote with you from Eternal Echoes by John O’Donohue:

Even without the outside lover, you can become the beloved. When you awaken in appreciation and love for yourself, springtime awakens in your heart.

There are so many women who don’t have men in their lives and they feel stuck, lost and alone.

I’ve honestly felt that at times in my own life – but not anymore. I am discovering that you can do lots of wonderful things being single. You don’t need a man to have FUN! It all comes back to what I talk so much about. How you feel about yourself. If you don’t like yourself, you’re not going to be happy alone. Building that confidence of being alone opens you to so many options. Learning new things, taking classes and travel are just a few of my favorites.

For those girls in a relationship, develop some interests separate from your man. A little independence is good for the soul-for the both of you!

More women are uncovering that their own company is a whole lot more fun than crappy company with someone who doesn’t inspire them!

Whether you’re single or happily taken, comment below and tell me about something you can do for YOURSELF (new or old) to HAVE FUN and get in touch with who you are!