Transformation

My Biggest Gift this Year.

2014 has presented me with some of my greatest challenges. These painful and disruptive experiences, which I call lessons from earth school have inspired me to reach a new level of personal growth and self-reflection.

I must admit there were times that I didn’t feel like being compassionate and forgiving of unacceptable behavior. I wanted to say F-off or better yet hit my opposition with a barrage of insults. Instead, I walked away slowly and thought things through. I listened to my head instead of my bruised ego.

I have been pushed and pulled this year in directions I never thought possible. In the midst of these internal emotional hurricanes, I understood that living my truth, being who I am and not ignoring my boundaries was the path I needed to take.

There are people in my life that I have loved but they are no longer in alignment with my mission and my desire to serve women who are emotionally wounded. In some way I threaten them because I choose not to conform to their demands of me.

Do I really want to stop in the midst of fulfilling my divine purpose on this planet to ease the wounded ego of someone who deep down probably doesn’t like me much anyway?

I started this journey three years ago when I released my book. I have met thousands of women with extraordinary stories who have faced fear and allowed their pain to propel them to living with purpose. As we grow spiritually we shed layers, similar to a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. I feel my wings spreading, my heart’s desire becoming more real each day. I have a purpose while I am here to help women heal and reclaim their lives. I am not going to quit just because I am challenged, insulted, mistreated or emotionally bullied.

This year I discovered that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I am more loving in the most compassionate way. I know how to truly forgive others and myself.

I have developed an awareness to make choices that empower me but do not cripple others.

My work is about collaboration, not competition. I feel the grace of the Holy Spirit around me, guiding me. My intentions are for the highest and best outcome for all parties involved.

I can feel my emotional and spiritual growth. My anger is short lived. I do not need to win or be right. I just want to walk away with peace of mind. Tomorrow when I wake up I will be calm and feel complete. I will know that I did the very best I could the day before. I feel comfortable I took the high ground and stayed out of the muddy fields of revenge and cruel attacks on the individuals that challenged me. I send them love instead to heal the wounds that are buried so deep within them that they don’t know they exist.

Courage to do the right thing regardless…is the greatest gift I have received this year.

In what ways did you grow this year? I would love to hear what spiritual muscles you strengthened this year.

Love and Live Faithfully,

Mal

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Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

A Tug of War Always Takes Two!

Yesterday I was puttering around my home and starting to take out some Christmas decorations when someone I love called me with a request. Immediately I knew it wasn’t really a request but more of an emotional confrontation. I could feel the pull on the imaginary rope in my hands. My body started to bend slightly toward them. I was listening to their point of view, their perception of a situation. Meanwhile I am thinking where the hell is this coming from? Obviously my perception was very different. In fact I was completely caught off balance by this recent tug on the rope of emotional connection between us.

I started to pull on my side just a bit to keep my balance while I processed what I was hearing. The crazy Mal from years ago would have dragged their ass down the street without even thinking. Was this the truth as I knew it? Is the other person showing me a scenario that is clouded by their perception or is it my reality? I was holding on while all these thought ran through my mind. I knew that I had been very compassionate with them. In fact I prayed for guidance daily because the relationship had become so challenged. Deep within me, my intention was very clear. I wanted to maintain a presence of grace and love in all my actions and honor my boundaries at the same time.

After they left, I made my intentions very clear in a follow up email. I was not buying into their emotional drama. They can have their perception and I can have mine. I am not responsible for what they think or feel. I choose not to engage in this conflict but instead to release the rope and walk away.

Afterwards it hit me how simple this three step process was for dealing with emotional conflict.

Maintain balance: Listen without over reacting to the other person’s opinion or position on what they experienced.
Think: What is your truth in this situation? Is your perception coming from your heart or your head where there is a hot button called ego.
Release: Let go of the tension in the rope that is holding the both of you in conflict. Respond from your heart and walk away.

It feels amazingly empowering not to be engaged in unconscious conflict.

Just because someone invited you into an argument doesn’t mean you have to show up!

Faithfully,

Mal

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Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Was that intentional?

Are you one of those people that wake up daily and allows circumstances to unfold and pull you all over the place? Well if the answer is yes, don’t feel too badly. Most people live their lives this way. They jump from one situation to the next without a plan or thoughtful response. I call this living life as a reactionary. I know because I was one. I use to feel like one of those whirling punching toys for kids.

Being a reactionary brings on high stress levels which can cause cortisol to spike in the body, increase heart rate and an assortment of other physical ailments. When you start your day without intention on how you would like things to be, you know what you get? You are living your life as a slave to old behaviors and thoughts. You end up expending twice as much energy only to accomplish half of what you could have done.

But when you set an intention on how your day is going to be, your experience is very different. You start your day waking up on time and focused on what you want to happen. Intention connects with your purpose. Instead of a day filled with random acts that have no meaningful connection, life becomes a progression of synchronistic activities that support your desires.

Intention gives you an element of control because you have a vision. You are putting out energetically what you desire. The Universe responds to your energy. Intentions have your soul behind them and are far more powerful than a written goal. You are living from your heart and not reacting from your head. When you set an intention daily you break the pattern of old habits that may no longer serve you. Instead you are taking deliberate actions that support your desires and not someone else’s.

Here are three steps for intentionally creating what you want in your life.

Get a cute spiral notebook, a calendar with pull off pages or a journal. I use a calendar from Abraham Hicks that I just love. The page has two columns, things I intend to do today and how I intend to be today. On the other side are fabulous quotes from Abraham.
Take 15 minutes before you go to sleep and write down your top three intentions for the next day and why you want them. As you sleep the intentions are sinking into your conscious mind.
When you wake up review your intentions for 5 minutes and revise if needed.

You will absolutely be amazed at the ease and grace that shows up in your day as you work through your intentions. You will start to eliminate haphazard chaos, confusion and uncertainty.

Intention brings clarity which creates the results you want!

Intention is the magnet for attracting your desires!

My dear ones, we are all born with intention inside of us. Now go use it!

Wishing you an intentionally magnificent day!

Faithfully,

Mal

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Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

Falling Into Grace: get out of your head and into your heart

The last few weeks I have been caught up in significant decisions. I kept finding myself thinking and rethinking what I should do. The more I thought, the further away I was from a conclusion. Does this sound familiar?

My first big lesson came on Easter Sunday while I was listening to Adyashanti with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday.

As I listened to him speak it became so apparent to me that I was buried in my thoughts – and furthermore that my thoughts may not be the truth. Yikes!

Instead, I realized that my thoughts are my perceptions, my interpretations of reality but not necessarily the complete truth. I wondered what would happen if I listened to my heart instead.

Immediately, I was resurrected from my mind and felt a calming sensation come over me that brought tears to my eyes. In that instant I knew I was connected to my heart. I had the answer. My path towards finding a conclusion was clear.

My second big lesson happened in Santa Fe just a few days ago. What a beautiful place for self-reflection and learning. Having tried many times to get into this very popular class I was finally participating in a Transformational Speaking program with the amazing Gail Larsen.

Gail is famous for helping people discover their voice, not the one in their head but the one they carry in their heart. When I showed up, I honestly felt that I was proficient at speaking from the heart. Well, that theory got thrown out the window in about the first hour of our work together!

Gail’s program is about speaking as if you are having a heartfelt conversation with an intimate friend.

Sounds easy. Right! Over the next four days I had to dig deeper and deeper to bring that voice forward. I was prepared to do the work and it took a tremendous amount of introspection, adaptation and integration to birth what I came for.

On Sunday we had to give another presentation to the group, putting into practice what we had learned, and my intention was to talk from the soul. I mapped it out on my board the night before but didn’t rehearse too much. I didn’t want to sound like I was giving a canned presentation.

I took my place in front of the class. My voice was significantly lower than before, my body movement much more calm. I spoke about the importance of healing a broken heart so that we may reclaim our lives. My fellow classmates listened intently. Gail was making her insightful critique as I proceeded. Was it perfect? Absolutely not but it was significantly more from the heart than my previous attempt.

We don’t realize how difficult it can be to access that voice. It takes practice and courage. Yes courage! It is so much easier to express what is in our heads rather than what is in our hearts. Until you connect with the silence within you, you can’t fully appreciate the power of it.

The program is about so much more than just public speaking, it is really about discovering what is buried within that needs to come up and be revealed. It was an amazing experience to speak so fully from the heart and it was so exciting to watch my classmates transform in front of my eyes. The pretenses we all came in with were stripped away.

As I leave Santa Fe today, I have so much gratitude for the opportunity to be part of this program. It was another giant step in my personal journey.

Thank you Gail Larsen for creating such a safe and comforting environment for all of us. A place where we fell into grace with ease. Thank you to my beautiful transformational sisters for being willing to share so much of yourselves.

As much as we think we know, there is always more to learn. Life will continue to present us with ongoing lessons from the places we expect least. I know I wasn’t expecting to have a massive revelation on Easter Sunday listening to Adyashanti or when I was participating in a transformational speaking class. However, my heart had a different idea than my head and I now realize that the lessons I learn become shining stars in the sky so I can see my path better in the dark.

I would love to hear about a surprising revelation you have had when you least expect it. Please share it here, on Facebook or tweet it.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

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Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

What Is the Best Christmas Gift you can give?

[awsmvid play=”0″ hide=”1″ skins=”14″ size=”2″ ]//youtube.googleapis.com/v/zvg7jtIFGpA?fs=1&hd=1[/awsmvid]How about giving someone extra love? It’s free and you will never run out.

Is another electronic gizmo really the way to someone’s heart? What about a beautiful hand written note, telling them how much you value and love them.

Why are we are so quick to criticize the differences we notice in someone else, what are we identifying in ourselves? Let’s embrace our imperfections and those of our loved ones. The universal acceptance could send ripples of energy out to the world could help those struggling with self-love.

How many disasters could we divert by spreading more love and less hate? Many people who lashed out in violence this year did so because of the internal pain they felt.

By practicing and teaching loving kindness you are able to have a profound impact on your community. Your energy will spread to others who will then go and impact even more people. The most important thing you do in life is not how much you acquire but how much you are able to love.

First, start with yourself by showing kindness and forgiveness in your own life, then look at your family. You will receive greater pleasure from this simple gesture than anything you could purchase.

A Buddhist tradition when you are preparing to die is to ask yourself “Did I love well”. Only you can create the answer. Make a resolution to experience life looking through the lenses of love.

When you do this you will create personal growth, more peace in your life and an awakening to your purpose. You are all born with a purpose but it gets covered over by the debris of life.

I am holding in my heart the intention of love for all of you. I value our connection through my blog posts and website. My mission is to serve you and help you with challenges that are taking you away from your purpose and power.

Nothing is more important to me than you reclaiming your life from the emotional gremlin residing within your heart.

My Christmas wish for all of you is live without regret and love well!

Happy Holidays

Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.